A couple of years ago around this time, I parked outside a local group home I'd heard about and tried to peer into Max's future. I got an outpouring of responses to that post, including hearing from a neighbor that her niece was at a great local home. Recently, another group home opened in our area that seemed to have potential. There are times when I have hope about Max leading an independent life as an adult. And then I come across headlines like these and I am totally gripped by fear...and anger.
Five employees at an adult daycare provider for people with disabilities, along with the facility, have been accused of abandonment, endangerment and neglect. Disabled adults were supposedly physically abused by staffers.
Horrific. Disgusting. Who ARE these people?!
Stories like this hit my news feed all too often. The stats are alarming: People with developmental disabilities are four to ten times more likely to be abused than people without disabilities, and are also more likely to be abused by a caregiver or someone they know. Last year, a report found that for people with developmental disabilities living in group homes, injuries, serious medical conditions and death itself were often not looked into or went unreported.
At this point in my development as a parent, I am pretty confident about getting Max what he needs. I have found a great team of therapists. I have persuaded insurance companies to pay for therapies, surgery and equipment. I have gotten him into various programs and camps. But crimes like this make me doubtful. How can I be sure that, left to live independently, Max will truly be in good, safe hands? While he would have the ability to tell me if something was wrong, I don't want to ever risk anything awful. But putting your child in a group home carries the all too real risk of abuse.
I do believe in the vast goodness of people. But I also know that Max, young adults and children like him are vulnerable.
I don't have answers today, just worries.
I don't have any answers for you but I do think you can help protect Max by continuing to be very involved even if he is in a group home or supported apartment and ensuring that there is someone else who will be involved when you are no longer able to be. People who clearly have social support are not as easy to target. Looking into living options early on also gives you the time to find the right fit instead of having to take whatever is available. And teaching Max to always, always speak to you if someone hurts him or if he sees someone else hurt will go a long ways. There are no garuntees and it's scary but I think you are doing the best you can to prepare Max for the world.
ReplyDeleteJamie, thanks for those reassuring words and good advice. We would be involved, for sure. And yes, we plan on thinking about this sooner rather than later.
DeleteThere are no definitive answers. But I think that one key is to avoid handing over too much of a person's day to day life choices and supervision to an "organization," even a good one with the best intentions. That's the root of my own deep suspicion of any sort of institutional living situations, even small "group homes." It's a cliche, but power really does tend to corrupt. And while we tend not to think of it this way, providing care to people with disabilities involves a kind of power that can turn almost any situation or person sour, given the right (or wrong) circumstances. And unfortunately, a significant "red flag" that a situation may be vulnerable to abuse is if they sell you on how "safe" their clients are in their "care." That's just my gut instinct.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think you are absolutely on the right track in doing all you can to develop in Max his own instincts for self-protection, and whatever skills he can develop to raise the alarm if things aren't going right.
Thanks, Andrew. Being wary of handing over power is likely going to come pretty naturally to me at this point, given how wary these stories make me. One ongoing goal for Max's evolving independence is helping him know right from wrong. I can say for sure that he has a highly developed sense of when he thinks I am wrong! But, seriously, we will continue to instill this in him.
DeleteI am doing a legislative forum speech on disability and abuse/trauma with no mental health services on Tuesday. Ironically, everything is falling into place. I have 2 minutes to cover everything.
ReplyDeleteColin, wishing you the best with your speech this week! More power to you!
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