"I have a video he made for you but it's mostly him telling his counselor he hates him because he told him he wasn't going to family camp," the camp director wrote me last week. Evidently, Max wasn't happy that following his stint at camp, he wouldn't be attending the five-day family camp that started a few days later. We'd been to it a few times, but couldn't make it this year.
I immediately apologized to her for his obnoxiousness, and explained that when he's said that at home, we tell him that saying that makes people feel bad. Her response: "Don't worry! When he tells us we tell him we love him."
A teen telling his mom "I hate you!" is nothing new. I've got two teens throwing that shade on me. But Max has said it to a couple of his therapists when he wasn't in the mood for therapy. And then he said it to a counselor he actually really likes. And I've had that same conversation with him, but I'm not sure if he's just ignoring me or he doesn't get it.
In general, Max's has a good emotional IQ—he's always readily sensed when Dave or I are upset, and he's eager to make people happy. But his sense of empathy is still coming along, along with his internal filter of what's OK to say and what's not. That has to do with his level of cognition, I think. Yet I'm not sure—maybe he's just being an obnoxious teen.
I hate blaming stuff on his intellectual disability when it could just be a personality thing. Sabrina, who's 13, may not tell people who aren't me that she hates them, but that doesn't mean another teen who's typically developing wouldn't. Either way, we'll keep calling Max on it.
Max came home from camp yesterday and we went out to dinner. He is hell bent on going to Disney World, and he asked Dave to help him look up flights in September. That's not going to happen, but Dave let him scroll through upcoming flights anyway.
"Max, you have school!" Dave reminded him.
"I hate you!" Max said.
"Max, that isn't OK to say, Daddy loves you," I said.
"Guess you'll be going to Disney by yourself!" Dave answered.
"You won't be going anywhere if you keep saying that!" I said.
Max just sort of smirked.
I. Wonder.
Not a disability thing. Definitely just him being rude.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this doesn't seem disability-related. From what I've read on the blog, Max appears to be very spoiled and he knows there are no consequences for his rude behavior.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how it’s possible to assume that (or much of anything) from reading this blog. I share my parenting challenges from time to time. I am far from perfect but, yes, he has consequences even if I don’t always write about them.
DeleteThat's honestly quite rude too to just judge people for no reason, Ms Seidman's parenting is no one's business
DeleteMy son had absolutely awful behavior this summer. I felt like we all needed therapy and that he'd turned into an angry teen. Last week was registration and a couple of sessions with the mobility specialist at his new high school, and he was so much more relaxed and pleasant to be around. It now makes so much sense that his anxiety about the new bigger campus was making him a ball of anger.
ReplyDeleteParenting teens is hard work, and figuring out how our teens disabilities affect them certainly doesn't make it easier!