Sabrina calls Ben "Mooshie." Max calls him "En." Dave calls him "Benjamin" and sings nonsensical songs to him like "Benjamin, Benjamin, you're so cute, you should eat lots of fruit." I call Ben "Pookie" and "Yummy boy" and, when I'm at wit's end, "Mr. Spit Up von Fussypants."
I've been trying to be valiant about Ben's spit-up issues and fussiness. He's a healthy baby and I've felt that I have no right to gripe. I went through hell that first year of Max's life; this is just stomach upset, I've been telling myself.
When I brought Ben to the pediatrician's a month and a half ago because I was concerned about weight gain, it became clear that packing on pounds wasn't a problem (he takes after me in that department). The doctor put him on Pepcid to help relieve distress. It's helped some, but he still gets fussy and spits up frequently and voluminously, even hours after he's been fed. Ben can drench several burp cloths in one feeding. One weekend I was so desperate for extra burp cloths that when a mom offered me some really nice, plush ones that had the name "Miles" embroidered on them, I gladly took them, so some days he's Miles Spit Up von Fussypants.
People and some doctors like to say that spit up is a laundry problem, not a medical condition. But it's mentally draining, especially when you have a baby who's not into napping. My day is a blur of feeding, burping, changing diapers and wet outfits, cleaning spit up off the floor/sofa/chair, walking Ben around to console him and putting him down to nap only after ten minutes, he's up.
I'm fueled by the fact that Ben's getting bigger (even if it feels like I'm accomplishing nothing during the day) and his smiles and coos (favorite phrase: "A-goo!").
But then: There are times when I want to just curl up in a ball and hide under our bed comforter, because I am strung out and wish I could transform Ben into a baby who eats and burps and then he's done.
I'm doing the right things: I put him in an upright position when I nurse him, burp him often during feedings, keep him upright for 20 minutes afterward, let him nap in our Fisher Price Rock 'n Play Sleeper (which has an incline) and do shorter feedings so he's not overfed. I've also cut back on dairy and caffeine in my diet. Nothing's helped.
I posted about this on a local Facebook group and got a whole lot of advice, including burping before feeding and giving him BioGaia ProTectis probiotic drops (ordered them). A friend who's a lactation consultant stopped by, checked his mouth and said he has both tongue and lip tie. When I spoke with the pediatrician, though, he says he only refers babies for a tongue tie procedure if they're having issues nursing and aren't gaining weight.
"Babies usually grow out of reflux between six and twelve months," the doctor told me, and he meant to be reassuring but that sure seems like a looooong time to deal with this.
Sometimes, as the baby spits up for a third or fourth time when I'm feeding him (and by "spit up" I mean the stuff pours out his mouth, down his outfit and off the sides of his neck) and I'm upset because Ben seems uncomfortable and because all that milk is going to waste, I think back to the early days with Max. I was constantly shuttling him to therapists and specialists, massaging his limbs, doing exercises the therapists recommended and crying a lot in the shower. Max wasn't a good nurser because he had oral motor issues, and a feeding session could take a good hour.
When I consider all that, I think of how lucky I am that Ben's basically OK. He has stomach issues; Max had a stroke. This is why I haven't really discussed the spit-up saga with friends or family (see: "no right to gripe"). But this weekend, my sister was visiting and saw what was going on.
"He's not an easy baby," she noted.
"No, he's not," I said, and relief flooded through me because it felt good to acknowledge.
A little later, as I changed Mr. Spit Up von Fussypants' spit-up drenched outfit, he beamed at me—one of those big smiles where I could see the dimple in his right cheek. I smiled back, and grabbed a burp cloth to catch the spit up.
Hi Ellen!! I have a feeling the last thing you need is advice, but one thing that helped when Will was very spitty for a few months was to stop the nursing/bottle a little earlier and replace with paci. He was gaining fine and actually wasn't hungry for more milk but just wanted that feeling of sucking. If he was truly hungry for more, he'd spit out the pacifier and we'd know. Just an idea. Not-easy babies are...NOT EASY!
ReplyDeleteHi Ellen! So sorry you are dealing with this issue. Did they test his diaper to determine if he may have a dairy allergy from your consumption of diary? Just a thought. It was the case with my sister...
ReplyDeleteWe had this issue as well. After there was no dairy in his breastmilk (literally none - even bread couldn't have casin in it), he cleared up pretty well, and even outgrew it by six months old.
DeleteHang in there Ellen!!! These newborn days are TOUGH. The sleep deprivation and postpartum hormones wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional states. I, too, had a baby that spit up like you would not believe but gained weight like a champ. Just keep telling yourself, "This too shall pass." And it will!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you and Ben are dealing with that. I can't imagine how uncomfortable reflux must be for a little baby. :(
ReplyDeleteOh, sister! You are describing Lance. He finally outgrew it, too. Last month. (Kidding. At 8 months. But it felt like eleventybillion years. Approximately.) I used to offer Lance $10K in his college fund if he would JUST TAKE A FRIGGING NAP. I used to tell him he was more demanding than [name redacted publicist] with a C-list client looking for a cover. Shockingly, he responded to neither bribes nor shame. You have tried almost everything I tried. (We used Prevacid not Pepcid. I cut my diet back to air, twigs and french fries.) EXCEPT: I engaged a board certified pediatrician who had studied eastern medicine. He made a house call. He performed acupressure. He burned sage. He chanted. I wish I were creative enough to make this up. I can't say whether it worked or didn't work. I can say that at minimum it kept me occupied until he outgrew it. I'm SO sorry you guys are dealing with this. It's hard and stressful, and ever more-so if you think you don't have a right to complain. YOU TOTALLY HAVE A RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. I love you and I'll call you later. xo
ReplyDelete"Shockingly, he responded to neither bribes nor shame."
DeleteFrustrating aspect of babyhood, isn't it?
My daughter used to do that but it was always a while after eating. It also used to also happen when she was old enough to get around, to much movement would cause it. It was so much you thought she was vomiting. She did eventually outgrow it. Have you asked the Pediatrician about Ranitidine? It helped soooo much.
ReplyDeleteSorry but you just have to power through it. Remember that it's really way more a problem for you than it is for him. I remember being Mad because the pediatrician was always focused on how great she was doing gaining weight and I was focused on how fussy and spitty she was. One time when my husband INSISTED that she was spitting up volumes the doc had him fill a cup with 1.5 oz of water and spill it on the counter. Is it that much? Asked the pediatrician. No, nowhere near, my husband admitted sheepishly as the water poured over the edge of the counter. Then don't worry said the doc.
ReplyDeletePlease give yourself a break and allow yourself to be frustrated! Just because Ben's current troubles are nowhere near as severe as Max's were doesn't mean you are not entitled to feel stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed! It doesn't mean you've lost perspective or that you aren't thankful Ben is otherwise healthy. Ben is his own person, and that person right now is a difficult baby, and unfortunately, the bulk of the work coping with his issues falls on you right now...so if you feel like you're struggle, please don't feel guilty. You're only human and newborns are a challenge even in the best of circumstances. My son had reflux too and it was very rough. If you haven't tried it, gripe water before each feeding did help to calm his digestive system a lot of the time. Good luck and hang in there!!!! --Lauren
ReplyDeleteMy niece was born a bit too early, and she had reflux like that - luckily, it was her only problem from her early arrival, but it was still a PROBLEM. Poor kid, and poor y'all. It's awesome that this problem is one that most outgrow, but that doesn't change your current experience of it, or Ben's. Good health and quick growth past this to Ben!
ReplyDeleteHopefully this can be resolved. Spitting up can't be fun for Ben either.
ReplyDeleteOh friend, all of my four babies have had spit up like you're describing. It is rough, and like you said, mentally draining. I remember crying for over an hour once when I had put on real clothes for the first time in way too long and right before we walked out the door the baby spit up all over me. Not cute little, "oh he burped and a bit came up" but full on, projectile, buckets of breastmilk poured all over me. I'm right there with you (my littlest is 1 month) and while I know that it does get better, I also know how much it sucks. It's okay to complain about it. <3
ReplyDeleteYup, spit up is super yuchy and a baby who doesn't nap is draining. I had one baby who didn't nap and one who didn't nap unless he was being held (and that worked, because he had grandparents who loved to hold him).
ReplyDeleteI am happy to hear your complaints.
(and, the milk isn't going to waste, if he's gaining weight and growing, right?)
you may want to ask your dr. about goat's milk. My son (my "normal" one--ha!) could not tolerate any formula or breast milk (our dr. even pumped breast milk for him since her baby was born the same time as my son). Finally got him on goat's milk and cleared up the problem of distress, throwing up right away. And he is now the tallest one in the family---ha!
ReplyDeletemaybe see if he's got gas to pass out the bottom before feeding.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried to fold his left shoulder to his right knee and the reverse- 'run' his legs a few times and do the same thing again- usually even a little guy will fart to beat the band.
Hi Ellen, My son was the same way with the spit up. He was 2 weeks old when he started screaming in pain from it. I took him to the pediatrician, who said it was colic. Nope, try again Doc, I wasn't buying it. We tried Zantac, which did nothing for him, then Prilosec. It did not cut down on his spit up, but he was no longer in pain by three days in. This was 13 years ago, so I don't know if that's still the recommended medication, but if you think Ben could still be in pain, maybe ask about trying another medication? Our doctor told us Tyler would outgrow the spit up when he could sit (nope, it was 10 months). The one good thing is that kid hardly ever throws up now. I mean, once every four years or so. It's like he got it all out of his system before he was a year old. So I guess that's the bright side? Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteThe one humor we found in this was that most (like 90%)of our son's baby pictures include a towel in them. We had to use bath towels, the kid was so prolific with the milk. We joked that he could develop an unhealthy attachment to towels. I imagined a 7 year old dragging a bath towel everywhere he went. I also fretted that he might not like hugs and cuddling due to lack of skin to skin contact. But skin to skin inevitably led to skin to spit up, so it had to be skin to towel contact ;). Happy to report that he has no concern for towels one way or the other and has always been a cuddly kid.
ReplyDelete