I have been that mom more times than I can count, and Max has been that kid. And it's both frustrating and sad. I have learned to be the one to reach out first. As Max has gotten older, at times he also says "Hi!" for himself. But still: I ache for people to see past the disability and treat Max like any other kid.
The key word: "Hi." That's all it may take to bridge an awkward gap, as I've said in "What I'd like you to say to my child with special needs." You know, just like a parent or child would greet a kid without disabilities at the park, playground, birthday party or elsewhere. Now, a new campaign from the Cerebral Palsy Foundation (CPF) called "Just Say Hi" aims to diffuse the discomfort people sometimes have about conversing with people with disabilities; it features videos recorded by celebs and personalities.
Here's one from Jim True-Frost (of "The Wire" fame) and his son, Leo, who has cerebral palsy:
And here's one of my favorite actors, William H. Macy, on the topic:
The CEO of the CPF is the dynamic Richard Ellenson; he's dad to Thomas, 17, who has CP. The non-profit's mission is to transform the lives of people with cerebral palsy, social challenges included. As Ellenson says, "While 'just saying hi' only scratches the surface of all we can do, it's a simple and impactful first step."
I can't speak for adults with disabilities, but as the mom of a boy with CP who's very outgoing and social, I know he'd love to connect with other kids. I suppose "Wassup!" or "Sup!" or "Yo!" would also work. The point is, reach out. Don't be afraid. It doesn't have to be awkward.
If your child doesn't have special needs, think of how he or she would feel if people were reluctant to be friendly. Encourage your kid to say hello and chat, and please, do the same. Both of you have nothing to lose, and a whole lot to gain.
I can't speak for adults with disabilities, but as the mom of a boy with CP who's very outgoing and social, I know he'd love to connect with other kids. I suppose "Wassup!" or "Sup!" or "Yo!" would also work. The point is, reach out. Don't be afraid. It doesn't have to be awkward.
If your child doesn't have special needs, think of how he or she would feel if people were reluctant to be friendly. Encourage your kid to say hello and chat, and please, do the same. Both of you have nothing to lose, and a whole lot to gain.
I like the just say hi campaign but would really like people like William H. Macy to stop using retard as pejorative first. Wearing a tee shirt that says "I am a retard" in the show Shameless doesn't help change the conversation, it makes it worse.
ReplyDeleteHe's likely in character in that context.
DeleteBut still it is very hurtful to people with disabilities. And seeing a TV character use(or wear) the word can almost be worse than a person doing it, because everyone who sees the show will see that everyone behind the show do not care about people with disabilities.
DeleteAGAIN You need to vbequate the word "retard" with the word "nigger"! Only ONE WORD IS USED AS A LIE, geuss the word......This is why I can't stand "black lives matter'
DeleteKeep temperament in mind. It is easy for a sanguine or a choleric to say "Hi," but a melancholic, phlegmatic, or supine might have difficulty doing so.
ReplyDeleteI have been that Mom. I've wanted to say something but didn't. I think my fear stems from fear of starting a conversation with someone who has CP (or a similar disability) who I then can't understand and I feel like I will just frustrate them and feel embarrassed that I can't understand.
ReplyDeleteI can understand that concern. It's totally OK to ask the parent what a child is saying. Heck, sometimes even I don't know what Max is articulating.
DeleteWhat a great first step. In my experience, my daughter, Noe, who has CP and uses a wheelchair for mobility, gets many "hi's". Noe longs for the conversation, questions, answers, thoughts that come after "hi". Many don't slow down enough to engage. Hi is a great start. Slow down and take the time to go beyond the greeting; you might just be blown away by the conversation.
ReplyDeletePerfectly said!
DeleteIt's interesting to see what has been happening on the organization's Facebook post about this. Initially, a flood of comments were full of gushy, sentimental, and very condescending wishes of goodwill. It really seemed like people absolutely didn't get the point of the campaign, even though they obviously thought they did. Then a bunch of disabled adults (me included) added comments about this, and also expressing some displeasure ... not necessarily at the idea itself, but the tone and voice of the campaign. It is clearly the voice of non-disabled people on behalf of people with CP. I know it gets to be a broken record, but in a campaign about social integration and dignity, it's critical to front the voices of people the thing is supposed to benefit. Otherwise, this kernel of a good idea ... talking to disabled people is nothing to sweat about ... becomes just another mushy do-gooder thing that reflects parent's anxieties more than our actual priorities.
ReplyDeleteRight. Emily at Words I Wheel By wrote a very good post about this.
DeleteThis the work of well-intentioned, but misguided AB/Nt Keirsey Champions. If this campaign was the initiative of a correctly-guided Keirsey Champion (or Mastermind, Fieldmarshal, Teacher, Promoter, Provider, etc...) with CP, I would not have minded so much. However, since this is no such person's initiative, the tone of the campaign bothers me.
DeleteWell said as always, Andrew. Ditto for Emily. I very much related to this as a parent because, like I said, kids and other adults frequently don't know how to strike up a conversation. "Hi" is a good start to connecting and, hopefully, conversing. I couldn't agree more, adults with disabilities should be included as faces/voices of the campaign; it would be ideal for them to do so with future videos.
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