This guest post is from reader Eunita Winkey. She is a mother of two children with special needs and an educator with 20 years experience. In September, she attended Oprah's The Life You Want Weekend in Washington, DC, an event meant to empower attendees and help them live their dreams.
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| Eunita Winkey |
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| Iyanla Vanzant |
I attended Oprah’s Life You Want Weekend a few months ago because the death of my father, my son's mental health challenges, my husband's health and advocating for my daughter's education have been challenging. Attending the event gave me a place to renew my faith, have hope and heal. I received all that, until I went to Iyanla Vanzant's session.
She was the last of the motivational speakers. Ms. Vanzant’s presentation consisted of soft music as she reflected over her life’s journey of what she called “spiritual special ed.” Based on the audience’s reaction, I could not tell if they were laughing at the term, or laughing at how Ms. Vanzant dramatized her story. Either way, I was shocked hear someone use the term “spiritual special ed” to describe the challenges women face in life.
I researched the term “spiritual special ed” and learned that in the 1995 book Ms. Vanzant authored titled Value in the Valley: A Black Woman's Guide through Life's Dilemmas she stated (p. 47), “When you are Spiritual Special Ed, other people laugh at you. They listen to your story and shake their heads." She also said (p. 48), "Trying to prove to yourself and the world that you are right eventually renders you spiritually retarded, a candidate for Spiritual Special Ed, unable to move from point A to point B."
When she was interviewed by Nancy Redd of HuffPost Live in 2013, she said (minute 19:17), “We live in a society where we are emotionally retarded” and (minute 20:58) “Are we going to be in special ed forever?"
My son and daughter would be devastated if they ever heard how Ms. Vanzant uses “special ed" and "retarded." The words are demeaning to people with special needs, even if she does not mean them to be. People with special needs already face enough stigma in their lives. My daughter had one friend from elementary to high school. She would cry about not having friends, and how differently children treated and judged her. My son is a social person who does not want people to treat him as if he has a disability.
The word "retarded" is demoralizing, so much so that there are laws against its usage. Back in 2009 the family of Rosa Marcellino—a girl with Down syndrome, then 8 years old— helped introduce a bill in the Senate to banish the term "mentally retarded" from our official lingo. "The word 'retarded' is slang to call someone stupid, and we know Rosa is not stupid at all," Rosa's brother, Nick, told ABC News. "Words are important." As he also noted, "Even good kids use the word, not realizing that they're talking about people like my sister." In 2010 President Obama signed Rosa's Law into legislation, requiring the federal government to strip the terms "mental retardation" and "mentally retarded" from federal health, education and labor laws. “Intellectual disability” or “individual with an intellectual disability” are now inserted in place of the outdated terms.
About a week after I heard Ms. Vanzant use those words at the Oprah weekend, I emailed a version of this article to her spiritual assistant, who I'd also met at the September event the year before. I got no reply. I reached out to Ms. Vanzant and Oprah by email and again, received no reply.
I am speaking out because I strongly believe we must be mindful of the terms we use, how we use them and the audience we deliver them to. We must all accept the fact that words have meanings and those meanings can impact how people feel about themselves. In fact, at the end of Ms. Vanzant's message, Oprah stated that “Words are powerful.”
Yes, I agree—words are powerful and given the platform she has, Ms. Vanzant’s words are very powerful. It's why I felt compelled to write this to inform and educate Ms. Vanzant and others that the terminology used to refer to people with special needs has changed.
As a parent advocate of special needs children, I continue to be a voice for my children and others. However, I am concerned how Iyanla, Oprah and their fans will respond. I do not want any social media attacks against Iyanla or Oprah. I want this to be a teaching moment to the world.
In order to raise women up, we do not need to put down people with intellectual disability.
All of us, including Ms. Vanzant, need to be careful about stigmatizing people with special needs. Calling someone “spiritually retarded” and “a candidate for spiritual special ed” is inappropriate, hurtful and reinforces negative stigmatization against innocent people.
In that HuffPost video, Ms. Vanzant also said that her "vision" and "purpose in life" (minute 20:27) "is to support and facilitate the evolution of human consciousness."
Evolving the way we talk about people with disabilities is something many people still need to do. I call on Ms. Vanzant—a sensitive and compassionate woman—to change her language.
Image of microphone: Flickr/viewfinder; Vanzant: Flickr/Leah Carey
Really? That's the best example a person who values "evaluating the human consciousness" can come up with? I thought she was better than this. She's stooping to the level of the spiritually lacking by saying that.
ReplyDeleteShocking that someone speaking at that level could have such an insular experience that she wouldn't recognize that she's oppressing/stereotyping our children with disabilities by making "light" of the words retard and special ed. That is NOT okay and I am stunned that Oprah would endorse someone like that -- and that she wouldn't respond to the author's letters calling Iyanla Vanzant out.
ReplyDeleteYou don't "get the life you want" by dehumanizing other people!
I have a special needs son and I may be in the minority here so I hope I don't get demonized....I see nothing wrong with the word. It is a word defined in the dictionary and when using it to describe something (like mechanics do) or someone (professional) I don't see the problem? Changing the word to intellectually challenged can sound just as mean if that is what is intended. My son is 9 and he was my first child, NO ONE would tell me that he may be or was probably going to be intellectually challenged they kept saying delayed and would get uncomfortable when I would ask what do you mean? Is he R___? To me delayed means you will eventually catch up. That is not the case with my son and after a few years realized what they all were not telling me. I love my son and accept him for who he is. It does not bother me so changing the word to describe it is just playing games. I think in the special needs community we are all so overwhelmed by everyday life we sometimes just need an excuse to lash out. JMHO.
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter with autism was getting off the bus one day with her little sister, a boy put down his window and yelled out "she's retarded". At that moment I felt like someone had just hit me in the stomach. Being upset when the word has just been used to intentionally hurt your child is lashing out? When the word is used in an intentional hurtful way, I do see something wrong with it. When it's used to dismiss and reject individuals who are less than "perfect" in certain people's eyes, it's judgmental and speaks volumes to their ignorance.
DeleteThat is my point, the intent. He could have shouted out "she's intellectually disabled" instead and it would have still been wrong and hurtful. Its not the word and we cannot control everyone. In a few years we may have a problem with the term Intellectually disabled because so many people are misusing it than what? Should we go by a symbol like Prince did?
DeleteThe word "retarded" has become undeniably pejorative. It is a medically defunct term (Google around). And yes, someday another demeaning word will arrive to take its place. But for now, there are many parents who are asking people to just use another word. It is certainly not the ONLY thing we fight for. But me, anything and everything I can do to help pave the way for my son, I'll do. This is more than just about a word, it's about how we talk about people with disability—and the respect they deserve.
DeleteLifting people up by bringing others down is real low.
ReplyDeleteOne word: Amen.
DeleteIt would be interesting to hear her speak directly on the topic of disability. My understanding is that Ms. Vanzant is a proponent of the philosophy that good things happen when you will them to happen. This would seem to fly in the face of disability, which, while not a bad thing per se, is usually something you can't "beat" with positivity alone. Attitude has an effect, but so do biology and physics, for disabled people more than most.
ReplyDeleteIt would be interesting to hear her talk about disability, although I wonder what sort of terminology she'd be using!
DeleteA couple questions:
ReplyDeleteCan you please clarify what EXACTLY you want the term "special education" to be applied to- from my experience in reading your blog your writing consistently expresses that this is an ever changing term and its appropriateness varies- I could not tell you when it explicitly it would or would not be appropriate. An attempt to define it would be very beneficial- it is clear when you want it to be applied (for insurance and education purposes applicable to your son) but if the term is used outside that realm then someone is inappropriate. I am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt- and think that getting a clear definition of what is "special needs" would be helpful. This would help me understand the outrage at referring to women that are unable to care for their own emotional and physical needs due to a disability fall outside the bracket of special needs. Just like your son, they didn't choose to have this- saying they made a choice would be similar to saying max choose to be born?
Actually, I don't believe I've ever written about "special ed" being used in a demeaning way. But yes, that's what Eunita above is objecting to. Iyanla Vanzant is giving a negative connotation to the term. Think about it--you can just as easily sub in "Are you going to be clueless forever?" in the sentence "Are you going to be in spiritual special ed forever?" That is the point of what she's saying above. "Special education" is still the term used by schools. Again, if you use it as an insult, that's just wrong.
DeleteI'm sorry but I firmly believe that mental illness is just as important of a disability as those who experience physical challenges. It manifests differently but is just as important- and it may require "special education": education that is focused and individualized to suit the individuals disability. When you have challenges you face you may need individualized, special education or attention- what is so wrong with that? I just don't understand the anger in this article- was it based on a perceived belittlement of those with physical disabilities? Because those with mental disabilities experience many of the same stereotypes and set backs. I am not going to say that using the R word was appropriate- but it is clear she meant it in the medical sense of the term- if you can step back and realize that mental disabilities and disorders are significant challenges and EQUAL and comparable to those Max and others face. You may not see it that way- but those that I love dearly need the same type of care you depict Max does in your blog. Maybe it is not an ideal term- but she wasn't using it like comedians do- she was using it medically.
ReplyDeleteAGAIN, Mrs. Seidman getting her knickers in a twist over nothing
ReplyDeleteOh, you are soooooo wrong! Cause I don't wear knickers!
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