A gym refuses to host a birthday party for a boy with Down syndrome

A gym refused to host a birthday party for a boy with Down syndrome: That story made the web rounds at the end of last week. As mom Theresa Brown Kuhns of Cranford, NJ, tells it, when she headed to a local gymnastics school to sign a contract for a fifth birthday party for her son, Liam, she was turned down. The form states that "Surgent's Elite is not certified in special needs instruction and reserves the right to deny party and gymnastics instruction." As she noted on her Facebook page:

My son has Down syndrome. He has no restrictions medically. I tell the manager this who then says he needs to call the owner and asked me to step out. He came back and said because of insurance purposes and no instructors having special needs training, they cannot host this party.

Social media outrage ensued. The owner of the gym, DJ Surgent, called Theresa Kuhns to apologize and said the gym would take measures to be more inclusive. Kuhns said his apology was a "great first step" but also told the website Tap Into Westfield, "I don't think it's the big undertaking that he thinks it is." Indeed Surgent said, "We don't have anybody with special needs training and certifications."

So here's the thing. This is a story about understanding that kids with special needs, just like other kids, deserve to be included—exactly what many people reacted to. But it's also a story, a never-ending story, about figuring out ways to include kids with special needs of all kinds. While Liam may not have medical restrictions or require special accommodations, the truth is that there are plenty of kids with Down syndrome and other special needs who do need extra help. Kids with Down syndrome may have looser ligaments and musculoskeletal issues, as this article notes. Kids with autism may have sensory issues. Kids with cerebral palsy can have spasticity. Max was turned away from a Parents Night Out program at a hotel this summer mainly because he needed assistance with toileting, and the person running the program wasn't open to discussion.

The accommodations necessary to help level the field for a child with physical, cognitive or sensory extra needs should open a conversation, not close a door.

Places that run programs for kids have a moral and ethical obligation to understand a child's specific challenges without outright dismissing children because they have special needs. To the best of my knowledge, there is no formalized "certification" required for including children with special needs at a gym, let alone running a birthday party—it's mainly it's a matter of collaborating with the parents. I doubt insurance policies specifically state that kids with disabilities are a liability. In fact, when Max had parties at a kid gym as a tot, like every parent I signed a waiver absolving the gym of responsibility should injury occur.

These places also have a moral and ethical obligation to not make assumptions about kids with special needs—it's possible that no accommodations are necessary, thankyouverymuch. Every child with special needs is different: If you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism, the saying goes. Also: If you've met one child with Down syndrome, you've met one child with Down syndrome. And if you've met one child with cerebral palsy, you've met one child with cerebral palsy. 

Is what happened legally discriminatory? Per the Americans with Disabilities Act, businesses are required to provide "reasonable accommodations" to people with disabilities—but there is a lot of gray area. The law takes into account available resources and whether accommodations would place an "undue hardship" on the operation of a business. It's unclear who else was coming to Liam's birthday party but if there were one or more kids who required special accommodating, again: How about discussing this with the parent? 

Whatever the law demands, in reality a lot of this comes down to a flexible mindset. I reached out to gym owner DJ Surgent to share a guest post that inclusion expert Torrie Dunlap of Kids Included Together wrote for this blog after Max was refused entry into a program: 8 ways to include kids with special needs in programs, events, classes, camps, wherever. He wrote back the next day. The email read: "Thank you for the email and all the great information. We have been offering special needs in private and also classes with a shadow for years but we have not done it in a party yet. I will use your information to help us incorporate it into a party in the future. We have additional training to do but we are on our way."

This was heartening. As parents of kids with special needs, it's regularly and painfully clear to us that people do not understand children with special needs. It's upsetting when incidents like this happen—not just because our children are missing out but because of the moral tug-of-war involved. Why should we have to try so hard to get our children to be part of this world? But that's the way it is. And each one of us has to keep doing what we can: to advocate for our kids, to help people better understand who they are, and to keep pushing those doors open.

10/6 UPDATE
Theresa Kuhns got a call from the gym over the weekend saying they will host the party, reports Tap Into Westfield; the owner says he plans to hire someone with special needs experience to get his staff "up-to-date." Kuhns hasn't yet decided whether or not she'll go with it because she's been flooded with birthday party offers for Liam from other places.

Candles photo: Flicker/Jess_lynn 483; image of form: NJ.com; photo of Liam, Facebook