"As long as he's happy, that's all that matters," people like to tell me about Max. A man said it to me at the fair we were at yesterday.
And Max was happy, as he often is. There were fire trucks there, and a chance to use an actual fire hose.
There were train rides and car rides. A mini roller coaster he liked to just watch.
There was a talking robot named Max who said "Hi, Fireman Max" in his robo-voice and I think Max may have accidentally touched his robo-privates, but I'm not sure.
There were animals to feed. (Hot tip: Donkeys vastly prefer the grass you can rip up outside the tent, free, over the cup o' feed you pay for.)
There were games to play and yellow, pink and blue (blue!) lemonade and ice-cream. Heck, most kids at the fair seemed happy. Max was no different.
People only mean well when they say all that matters is that Max is happy. I know that. And yet, it gives me pause, and a twinge of sadness. Because it implies that Max may not be capable of much of anything beyond bliss. Oh, but he is, and those who are close to him know it. And I hope the future holds a lot more than happiness for Max, as I've said here before: a relationship, a job he loves, experiencing all that life has to offer.
Yesterday, after the guy manning the ride said "As long as he's happy, that's all that matters!" I nodded, as I usually do. I kept thinking about what he'd said as I watched Max stand in front of a band that was playing on a stage, grinning. A few minutes later, he said he was thirsty and I helped him drink blue lemonade and he said "Ahhh."
And I thought, standing there in the heat as the boppy music played and kids danced: Max is happy. And while it's not all that matters to me, it's what's important for him.
I often do that, as his mom—I project my wishes and dreams onto him. And probably that will never stop, but it would do my heart good to be glad for his happiness alone, and not consider it something that needs to be topped. Max will be so, so lucky if he always has that happiness, whatever else the future holds for him.
Just another step forward in my development as a parent.
Amen. What makes one person happy doesn't make another person happy. If our kids are able to be happy -- now and in future -- I"m not sure why we'd want to negate that, looking for something "better?"
ReplyDeleteOh Ellen, I still struggle with my dreams versus Lindsey dreams. I don't mean too, but I do. And I'm not sure happiness (all the time) is achievable, so I want Lindsey to learn how to handle disappointment and sadness and other emotions too. But happiness is something, I think--in the end--we all want for our children.
ReplyDeleteI normally pay for a feed cup because it's specifically designed for a donkey's dietary needs. The grass might cause gastrointestinal upset or other more serious problems. In my eyes, a dollar or two for a cup of feed is not worth hundreds of dollars for veterinary treatment. I'm still glad Max had fun and now I want some blue lemonade.
ReplyDeleteFlutistPride....
DeleteHi there, Friend!! ;)
"I normally pay for a feed cup because it's specifically designed for a donkey's dietary needs. The grass might cause gastrointestinal upset or other more serious problems. In my eyes, a dollar or two for a cup of feed is not worth hundreds of dollars for veterinary treatment." I, being an animal lover, never knew that about donkeys!! Wow!! You learn something new every day!! ;-D
Love you later, Raelyn
Ah, I have to stop and think about this myself often. I tell *myself* "as long as she's happy..." I feel like I will try to hold her back from things that aren't age-appropriate for *me* not for her. What does it all matter? As long as she's happy, that's the most important thing. Like you said, it's all part of my development as a parent. And I still have a lot to learn. :-)
ReplyDeleteRight there with you Becca. Ellen gives us something to think about.
DeleteOh, how I can relate to this post. I get this constantly. And I oftentimes find myself feeling like you've described. It can sometimes feel a bit...demeaning. But the fact is, that's what we all want. I sometimes feel like my daughter Sabrina has a better chance at it, because she is not aware of all of the meanness out in the world.
ReplyDeleteEllen....
ReplyDeleteBlue lemonade?! Wait. What?! I want to try some!! ;)
Love you later, Raerlyn
It tasted like...lemonade. :)
DeleteHow well you put it, Ellen! Just because Max can find awe-inspiring joy at the fair doesn't mean he should stop at just "being happy". Kids of ALL abilities can and should set goals for themselves and determine the steps to take to reach them. I believe that Max can not only be happy, but he can grow in ways he never imagined. Thank you for sharing this!!
ReplyDeleteI feel that way. My hope is that my son is happy, my biggest dream for him. Yet, your post gives me much to think about.
ReplyDelete