My answer for the best gift for a baby in the NICU: Dr. Suess's "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" It's the book my friend Wendy brought while Max was in the NICU. I needed hope. I needed something to do as Max lay in the incubator and I sat beside him, despairing and feeling helpless.
The first time I read the book to Max, speaking through the holes on the side of the plastic box that held him, I could hardly get the words out because I was crying. But I forced myself, in a whisper:
Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!
After that, I read the book to Max a couple of times a day during the two weeks he was at the hospital. Once, I read it so enthusiastically that a nurse told me to keep it down and I said, "So I guess you don't want me to bring a mic next time?" That made both of us smile. Laughing felt good.
What meaningful/helpful gifts did you get while your child was in the NICU?
The first time I read the book to Max, speaking through the holes on the side of the plastic box that held him, I could hardly get the words out because I was crying. But I forced myself, in a whisper:
Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!
After that, I read the book to Max a couple of times a day during the two weeks he was at the hospital. Once, I read it so enthusiastically that a nurse told me to keep it down and I said, "So I guess you don't want me to bring a mic next time?" That made both of us smile. Laughing felt good.
What meaningful/helpful gifts did you get while your child was in the NICU?
For me it was two things. First, FOOD. Eating didn't seem like a priority, because I was in such an emotional state. So much to worry about! I asked everyone not to visit, because I was processing it all, and the NICU isn't a happy place. My closest girlfriend just showed up with two containers of hot soup and said, "I know you're not eating". Eating helped. Second, as my daughter grew to a hulking 4 lbs, I wished I had some clothes for her - Since her birth she was just in undershirts and receiving blankets. In 2004 the Gap premie line was "up to 7 lbs", which was way too big for her. My aunt found a line at BabysRUs for 5-lbs. Putting my daughter in clothes was a first step toward normalcy.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your friend's book was a beautiful gesture!
A massage and a haircut. My boy was in the hospital for 4 months, and the stress I carried was overwhelming. Plus, who takes time to take care of themselves with a baby in the hospital and kids at home? If you could get students from a cosmetology school or massage school to set up a place in or near the NICU for parents of patients, that would be amazing.
ReplyDeleteI think that photos would have been great! I know that some parents are wonderful about taking photos of their NICU babies, but I felt like I was in limbo and didn't take enough and the ones I took were very amateur. It would be wonderful to have someone take professional-style photos of the baby, even and especially with all of the cords and tubes.
ReplyDeleteI think it is hard to find something perfect for everyone. The Dr. Seuss book, for instance, would probably have done me in. We were in a situation where our daughter's condition was most likely life limiting (she passed away before her first birthday), and that book would have felt more bitter than sweet.
I think the most important thing is for people to make a gesture and do something. Even when gifts didn't hit the right note for where we were at the moment, I so, so, so appreciated that the person was making an effort and helping me to still feel connected to the outside world.
You're right... I wish I had someone there to photograph me and my son... I took pictures of him like crazy but would've been great to have some professional ones with me in them with my him...
DeleteCorri....
Delete"I think that photos would have been great! I know that some parents are wonderful about taking photos of their NICU babies, but I felt like I was in limbo and didn't take enough and the ones I took were very amateur. It would be wonderful to have someone take professional-style photos of the baby, even and especially with all of the cords and tubes." I can't but agree!! I am so very sorry that you lost your Beautifully Unique little girl. ;)
Love you later, Raelyn
I like that book. Who knows where I'll go?
ReplyDeleteA sleeper designed specially for tiny preemies. It was so thoughtful and given to us by my best friend's mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd now all the preemies will get eight copies of that book and all the parents will be confused!
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DeleteRachael....
"And now all the preemies will get eight copies of that book and all the parents will be confused!" Crack. Me. Up!! ;-D
Love you later, Raelyn
Ellyn,
ReplyDeleteIsn't that book kind of risky? Some people want hope and it would be perfect, others would feel like its termpting fate and all wrong.
Unless you know for sure, I'd be very afraid to go with that. Food seems good. We sent our friends a big tray of small treats that were easy to eat quickly and to share with staff
Someone gave me a "prayer bear". It's was a tiny beanie baby bear with a cross on it. Before she gave it to me, it was on the alter of her church and people prayed for us. Pretty awesome!
ReplyDeleteThat's such an amazing gift!!
DeleteAnonymous....
Delete"Someone gave me a 'prayer bear'. It's was a tiny beanie baby bear with a cross on it. Before she gave it to me, it was on the altar of her church and people prayed for us. Pretty awesome!" Wow!! That is pretty awesome!! ;-D
Love you later, Raelyn
Like....:)
DeletePreemie/NICU clothes!! Finally being able to dress our son felt amazing! It was hard finding him preemie clothes. There's a company that does specially preemie clothing with great messages such as "Nurse Magnet" "preemie power" "NICU graduate" etc. Some of these clothes have the buttons positioned differently to help with making it easier to dress with all the cables. They also have clothing that applies to babies that were in the NICU for other reasons....
ReplyDeletehttps://www.facebook.com/ItsaPreemieThing
Mariana....
Delete"There's a company that does specially preemie clothing with great messages such as 'Nurse Magnet' 'preemie power' 'NICU graduate', etc. Some of these clothes have the buttons positioned differently to help with making it easier to dress with all the cables. They also have clothing that applies to babies that were in the NICU for other reasons...." That. Is. Awesome!! ;-D
Love you later, Raelyn
Books (Mr Brown Can Moo was our favorite), preemie clothes, food - those were the best gifts. Also my mother-in-law cleaned my house top to bottom before we came home from the hospital and put a bunch of stuff in our freezer - what a great thing to come home to. I appreciated that at our shower (several months after our daughter was born, but several months before she came home), people gave us regular gifts - toys, stuffed animals, clothes up to 12 months, gift sets of baby soap and lotion. Stuff you'd get for anyone. It really helped normalize our experience.
ReplyDeleteBut all of that stuff is what we got from people who knew us. As far as NICU gifts from donations, we got a TON of tiny knitted hats and booties, which were fine, but we got way too many of them. Also taggy blankets and tiny crocheted blankets - you can only keep so many things, and babies at that age don't really use that kind of stuff. Of those donation gifts, what I really loved were the themed items - a pumpkin hat at Halloween, a tiny stocking and picture with Santa at Christmas, a hat and bootie set in local football team colors. Those are the things I kept. What I would have loved to get would be gift cards to the hospital cafeteria or restaurants right around the cafeteria, or parking vouchers, or tiny pick-me-ups like Hershey kisses or something.
Ellen....
ReplyDeleteWow, what a neat story!! I have not read that Dr. Suess book!! Perhaps I should.... ;)
Love you later, Raelyn
When my friend's baby was in the NICU, the thing she actually asked for most was someone to come and sit with her. Just sit. We talked about everything but the baby. She needed to hear about the goings on in our soap opera neighborhood, what the crazy old couple was up to. She needed someone to just sit quietly while she watched the baby learn to breathe and keep his own body temp up. She just couldn't be alone anymore.
ReplyDeleteChristy Cruz
These are wonderful ideas! I wrote a post on my blog yesterday with suggestions of how to offer support to families in the midst of a health crisis (came from personal experience) and a number apply here as well: http://www.activitytailor.com/blog/?p=2991
ReplyDeleteI had asked for no visitors as I needed time to process everything. I wanted to breastfeed even though my daughter was hooked up with tubes so I would pump every two hours a floor down from the NICU. One day on my way downstairs I looked up and saw two of my very best friends -- I shook my head because I didn't want to see anyone but they followed me to the pumping station. They had a basket filled with magazines I liked, candy, chips,and some books. While I pumped one of them brushed my hair and the other gave me a foot massage and pedicure. They prayed over me before they left and it was truly the best thing that anyone could do. I needed to know they were there if I needed them but they respected my wanting to be alone. By week 4 I was home and then I was ready to see people but that basket was the best at the time.
ReplyDeleteI think an account to audible books would be great. I spent so much time sitting next to the incubator just staring at him. One of my friends have me a book on tape and it was great. Gymboree also has awesome preemie clothes and they are often on sale.
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