We celebrated Thanksgiving and Chanukah with our usual traditions—and non-traditions. Because as much as I'd like things to happen in a certain way during the holidays, I've learned that going with the flow makes family life and Max a whole lot happier. Actually, that pretty much applies 365 days a year.
Wednesday was the first night of Chanukah, and my birthday. We lit the menorah (a candelabrum with eight holders) and said the blessings. Then Max wanted us put a Chanukah candle in a pumpkin pie and sing Happy Birthday to me...and to him (his birthday is next week).
"Max, Chanukah candles are for the menorah," I explained. "Also, your birthday is next week!"
"Irth-ay!" Max said.
I wasn't in the mood to argue, so we created the world's first Pumpkin Pie Birthday Menorah, and I atoned for any sacrilege by only having a very small slice.
Thanksgiving brought a surprise. Max usually isn't into sitting at the table with the rest of us—he just plays by himself then eats later—but this year, he plopped right down without a bit of begging. Despite the great spread of food, all he wanted was mac 'n cheese with ketchup. I had some ready and waiting, because I have ESP that way.
For dessert, more pumpkin pie! Max wanted to cut it himself. We gave him the knife and he had at it, resulting in The Great Pumpkin Pie Massacre of 2013 but really, hacked-up pumpkin pie tastes as good as a neat slice. He had some for breakfast, too.
Max's favorite present so far is a toy that shoots images of fireworks onto walls, complete with sound effects. Last night, he celebrated the lighting of the menorah with fireworks.
Hmmm. Maybe I've got this all wrong. It's not that we're breaking with tradition—we're just creating new ones.
Happy birthday! My little guy still gets Chanukah candles and birthday candles kind of fuddled--we've had to argue with him to keep him from blowing them out! (Although his brother's birthday is sometimes on Chanukah, it falls after this year.)
ReplyDeleteMax used to try to blow out the Chanukah ones, too!
DeleteI love your post today and found myself smiling all the way through it! Like Max, Kyle usually never joins us at the dinner table but he did this Thanksgiving and we LOVED that he did! And I'm excited that Max loves his fireworks toy because my parents are getting one for Kyle for Christmas, based upon your "Gift Recommendation Post."
ReplyDeleteI hope Kyle enjoys it as much as Max did. It is not the easiest toy to grasp but Max was determined to do it, and he manages to both hold it and press the lever for the fireworks. So, it did the fine-motor-skill stuff I was hoping for! Be warned, though, you will be listening to a LOT of fireworks. You might start hearing them in your dreams!!!!
DeleteThank you so much for this post Ellen. I really find myself struggling this year because it's almost impossible to keep all of our traditions alive, the ones I grew up with and the ones our ten year old has grown up with, because it just doesn't work that way with our little one. I feel like I'm in a tug of war between making us all miserable trying to keep them going, feeling grief over not succeeding at it, and just saying it's okay for them to change, the path or least resistance is not a bad thing (or a lazy one), but one that brings peace to the house, which is probably what matters most. Not completely there yet, but working on it, still trying to fight some for our old "normal" while letting go and embracing our new "go with the flow". My oldest and I were fortunate to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah with a friend we have in common, Sara Hawkins, and it was so nice to spend a little time in a home that wasn't crazy and still had their traditions going, before returning to the chaos that is ours. Maybe we can embrace the new and ever changing traditions in our home, and still visit some of those long held ones, with friends and family. Split the difference so to speak. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's taken me a long time to get this to this place, Christi. You'll gain more acceptance as the years go by, promise. I am seriously jealous you got to hang with Sara! She is wonderful, one of those people I always wished lived closer to us.
DeleteHappy Birthday Ellen and Max! Love to hear about your beautiful celebrations complete with fireworks! Awesome-sauce!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI have been waiting to read the blog post on the "cars two birthday!!!!!" since forever- so excited it will be next week! Happy Birthday to you, Ellen!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kat. And, stay tuned!
DeleteHappy birthday to you both!
ReplyDeleteBut why isn't Max required to join the rest of the family at the Chanukah/Thanksgiving table? Or even required to attend for part of the meal (eg soup and dessert)?
Yes, sitting at the table can be boring/tiring for even a neurotypical kid -- but it is important to at least try to teach your kid to sit at the table, use their manners, make small talk and demonstrate their ability to not stab Aunt Sally with a fork when she tells the same anecdote for the 50000th time.
I long ago tossed the word "required" from my vocabulary, it doesn't work when you have a child with sensory issues or other special needs. As much as I've tried for Max to sit at a table, being in a crowd (even if it's with family) hasn't worked for him. Sensory overload. It's not something you can "teach," which may be hard to understand if you do not happen to have a child with these sorts of issues. This year, it helped that we only had my sister, her husband and their daughter, so it wasn't loud. He's also maturing, so I think that played a role, too.
DeleteHappy Birthday Ellen, and Happy early Birthday Max! Going with the flow is something I would love to do, but family drama has always prevented it - in fact, trying to go with the flow just makes things worse. But maybe someday...
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, the Great Pumpkin Pie Massacre of 2013 sounds awesome - I love pumpkin pie and wish I could have shared a slice with you all! Does Max like his plain or with Cool Whip? So happy to hear he sat at the table with you without prompting! Baby steps turn into BIG achievements in the blink of an eye.
Happy Chanukah!
Thanks, Sabrina! Max usually likes his straight up although my brother-in-law made some awesome fresh whipped cream that none of us could resist.
DeleteI'm so glad to hear from you (and others) that there are other kids who don't sit at the table with you. Sarah doesn't either. She visits with us but usually can't sit for long, if at all.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think this is fairly common among kis with special needs.
DeleteChag Sameach! I think for the last night (and his birthday) you should line up all the candles in one big pie-menorah and use that. It would be awesome! Happy Thanks-hanu-birthday to both of you!
ReplyDeleteHa! Love it! Chag sameach to you, too!
DeleteThat's a clean slice! It's better than I could have done.
ReplyDeleteCutting pie is great OT. It's also rewarding.
ReplyDelete