Max has been wanting to do more things by himself lately. This is amazing. This is also sometimes scary.
We were at a drive-in movie the other night that had a playground with a merry-go-round. Max stood there, watching it and smiling. Then he wanted to help push it. There were more than a dozen little kids on it, and one big kid pushing them, and I asked him to go slow so Max could do it without falling. He obliged.
Suddenly, Max wanted to go on the merry-go-round. Alone. And I was torn. Max has pretty decent balance, but it is not totally there. I knew there was a chance he could fall if I let him go on it.
I didn't have much time to think, though, because Max was trying to clamber on and all the kids were watching and waiting. And so, I lifted him up onto the seat. I pushed him back as far as I could. I wrapped his fingers around a rail and said, "Hold on tight!" Then I stood back and watched, nervously.
Max had a gleeful smile. Then the wheel started whipping around, fast. Max whirled by me, tilted to one side, a startled look on his face.
"STOP!" I yelled. "STOP!" I rushed over to try and grab him, but it was too late. Max fell off.
The new Cars 2 backpack he's been wearing everywhere except the bath saved him. He fell on his back, and it padded his fall.
Max wailed, but he was unharmed. I choked up as I held him. I wasn't just shaken—I felt awful that I'd let it happen. He could have really gotten hurt. After he calmed down, we walked back to the car, then settled in to watch Planes (he looooooved it).
I'll be making more and more decisions like this in the upcoming years. As eager as I am for Max to flex his independence, I'm going to have to step back and give things more thought, as I should have done that evening. When spontaneous activities crop up like the merry-go-round ride, I may have to jump on with him whether he likes it or not—until he's ready to ride alone.
Thank goodness for his backpack! Whew! Everything is a learning experience, especially "failures," not that this was a "failure" by any means. He was successful! He rode the merry-go-round by himself. But, he also learned maybe a little about his limits! Even if you're there being his safety net, let him "fail" a little, too. Clearly, not to the point of harm, but you know what I mean. That was the best lesson I ever learned with my now 17yo daughter with moderate cerebral palsy. It's a tough one, but both kiddos and moms can go far using this one. :)
ReplyDelete(And sounds like a super fun evening with a drive-in movie AND a playground!)
Kerith, that's a really good point—yes, I'm sure Max learned something about his limits. Thank you for that perspective. Overall, we had a great time!
Deletecould you go on some of these things with him? ok, it looks weird, but attitude is everything...
ReplyDeletecould you say to someone like the bigger kid- Hey- can you be max's buddy as he tries this out?
sometimes a creative holding on posistion- like crossing arms- helps prevent a fall without being overt help
Yep, next time I'd go on with him (although merry-go-rounds make me nauseous)! I think it would be too much to ask of a kid we don't know.
DeleteI know how you're feeling. Letting them try things with the possibilities of failing is terrifying. I'm glad he wasn't hurt and hopefully it won't frighten him from trying again.
ReplyDeleteI find this to be the most difficult task in parenting a mobile child with CP. Their desire to do the things that they see other kids doing is almost as strong as my desire to keep him safe! There are no easy answers and many days I have climbed on with my guy. We are getting to an age (9) where I know he wants me to let go a bit more but his personal responsibility isn't quite there yet. I feel your pain.. just think of the gleeful smile for an extra minute. It really is so worth it. When you find the perfect balance of letting go and safety please share your secret!
ReplyDeleteAh, Andrea, I don't think I will be learning the secret for many years. But now I know that no matter how much Max is chomping at the bit to do something, I really need to take a few and assess the situation.
DeleteSounds like a learning experience for both of you. Glad that he wasn't hurt.
ReplyDeleteAccidents do happen.
ReplyDeleteThat's life you fall and get back up as someone who's been where Max is I'm telling you you did the right thing you should let Max do as much as he can by himself.
ReplyDeleteI accidentally cut myself with a bread knife once while I was making breakfast. Things happen to everyone.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason my reply didn't post so I'll try one more time. When Kyle was 5 he really wanted to go on a merry go round like my daughter. A friend and I managed to get him and his wheelchair up on the merry go round and he had a blast. Fast forward about 3 months later and my husband and I decided to let him do it again. Another woman and her granddaughter came and she started pushing the merry go round. I went to get something from the car while my husband supervised. I turned to head back and as I shouted "you need to slow down!", Kyle jettisoned off the merry go round onto the ground! I think his wheelchair acted as a roll cage. Believe it or not he only suffered a little road rash on his face. He didn't even cry. We felt like we won the worst parents of the year award on that one! It's tough, you so want them to experience the normal things a kid experiences.
ReplyDeleteHe is 11 and on his first overnight camp away from home, we are letting him FLEX. But I so wish I had a Kyle-cam to make sure he's ok! Julie C
Finding balance (real and metaphorical) is tricky- you don't want serious injuries, but on the other hand, a few tumbles are helpful in letting kids learn limits, develop, and are just sort of a part of growing up.
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