Motherhood, pretty much summed up

Which of the following did I not do this week?

• Stayed up till 1:00 a.m. in a coffee-feuled marathon to catch up on house chores.
• Proceeded to make cucumber salad till 1:30 a.m. with cukes from our neighbor's garden because, heck, what else did I have to do at 1:30 a.m.?
• Inserted not one but two contacts into my left eye in the bleary-eyed morning.
• Almost let Max walk out the front door to his school bus without shoes on.
• Got in touch with a bunch of carpenters for price quotes on redoing our house's warped soffits (if you don't know what a soffit is, consider yourself lucky).
• Raced out of work, drove an hour and a half to see Sabrina perform a seven-word part in her camp's production of Lion King, ignored her glares because she hates when I take pictures and nodded off during Hakuna Matata.
• Watched Herbie Rides Again for maybe the 50th time with Max. (No exaggeration.)
• Had extended discussion with insurance company rep about AWOL claims and actually said, "I don't understand how these forms keep going missing. Is this some sort of conspiracy?"
• When faced with extreme meltdown over empty box of Cocoa Krispies, hid in the bathroom.

• Called pediatrician's office to send prescriptions needed for Max's school; got neurologist's office to call in the compounded medication necessary to prevent seizures; begged pharmacy to send the stuff over asap so it's here before vacation; realized kids also needed more prescription vitamins because the damn water has no fluoride so called them in too.

• Came home from a rare weekday night out with a friend to find Sabrina asleep in our bed. I kissed her, figuring I'd just let her stay. She woke up and murmured the words every mother wants to hear: "Mommy, kids in our camp have lice!" And then she fell back asleep. On my pillow.

• Downed bowl of cold leftover mac 'n cheese for dinner because even putting it in the microwave seemed like too much effort.
• Got entirely too excited when a colleague I haven't seen in 15 years said "You look exactly the same!"
• Discovered someone had placed Max's braces in the recycling bin. Perhaps someone named Sabrina.
• Touched up a turquoise pedicure with a Crayola crayon.
• Let Max sit in the bath tub for a half hour kicking his feet and playing that ever-popular game, Tsunami on the Bathroom Floor!
• Deflected Sabrina's persistent "Can you have another baby?" requests and then, when we were in the Cold Stone Creamery parking lot and she asked "How do you get pregnant?" I replied with, "What flavor of ice-cream are you getting?"
 • Spent 10 minutes of pre-camp (Sabrina) and pre-school (Max) a.m. time searching online for a Cars 2 backpack with both Lightning McQueen and Francesco Bernoulli for Max.

• Spent another 5 minutes trying to start a lanyard stitch for Sabrina and acting like I knew what I was doing.

• Unearthed juice pops dating back to the Paleolithic Era in the netherlands of our freezer.
• Exchanged dozens of emails with Max's therapists.
• Filled out eleventy billion school forms.
• Panicked about buying school supplies.
• Figured out a solution to world peace.

Guess?