What if you happened to be a Very Famous Couple, like Prince William and Kate Middleton?
What if things didn't go as expected?
What if your baby were born with a birth defect? Or Down syndrome? Or a visual impairment?
What if your baby ended up with cerebral palsy? Or autism?
What if you were at first crushed, but came to realize that even though you didn't get the child you imagined you still got a beautiful child?
What if William and Kate issued a press release about how thrilled they were with their wonderful baby, a baby who had special needs?
What if they helped people see how perfect a so-called imperfect baby can be?
What if people swarmed to buy the commemorative t-shirts and dish towels imprinted with photos of that royal beautiful baby with special needs?
What if William and Kate showed the world that having a child with special needs is not a tragedy?
What if they could influence people to stop treating children with special needs like lesser human beings?
What if this isn't about schadenfreude—no, not at all, not even a little bit. What if this is simply about the fantastical thoughts that go through your head when you are mom to a child who was born with special needs and you are considering the pregnancy of a woman people worship. What if this is about wondering (constantly so, achingly so) what it would take for people to get that kids with special need should be seen as kids, not fragile creatures to be mourned or pitied. That our children have plenty of abilities, not to mention potential. That our children are as beloved as any others. That our children are as beautiful as any others.
What if?
Image: Flickr/tsaiproject
Just perfect, as usual.
ReplyDeletewhat if.... :) what a moment that would be! -Genevie
ReplyDeleteIf they did that child would have a more difficult life but he or she would be loved, respected and cared for nonetheless.
ReplyDeletethe child certainly wouldn't have to wait to get any sort of equipment, it would have the best team of therapists in the world, and the media would portray it in a way so that the public thought "what are disabled people complaining about? William and Kate's baby seems to be provided for perfectly." Further, every thing the child did or didn't do would be glorified, and it would be expected to become a poster child for all kinds of disability in all kinds of contexts, irrespective of whether that was appropriate, simply because it is a royal.
ReplyDeletethat's what.
I have had the exact same thoughts the last few days!
ReplyDeleteI have wondered the same thing, but with a more cynical take on it. What if the child has special needs, will they be deemed somehow not eligible to be in line for the throne? How would that play out in the political sphere?
ReplyDeleteThat would prove interesting.
ReplyDeleteI was in the exact same shoes as the "What if" theory in the article. My daughter, however, was injured when she was born. Nevertheless - I went through some serious depression, shock, and then was able to pull my big boy pants up and I settled in to my destiny of being her dad. She wasn't expected to survive past two years yet she just hit seven.
ReplyDeleteIn William and Kate's situation should this theory happen? I think it would be one MONSTER opportunity to have such a high profile lesson in children with special needs. In today's world of acceptance, and the big push for all walks of life to be more equal than they ever were, William and Kate would be in more of an unusual position than just life around the crown. Would they rise to the occasion and put a spotlight on children with special needs? I think they would. I hope they would.
I think unless it was some birth trauma this would not be allowed to happen to royalty. Another words anything diagnosable like Ds would be 'taken care' of very early on and a public statement would be issued that Kate miscarried. There is no way THOSE royals especially the Queen mum would accept a child with disabilities in their palace. It's a great thought and it would be awesome for people with disabilities but so not gonna happen. Princess Diana was once VERY emotional and vulnerable to the pressure of being in the Royal family...the Queen called her 'mentally ill' and told her that people needed to not know what was going on in the palace.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree. I think the special-needs loved ones of high-profile people are hidden from public view. While I am positive that they know some obvious things and (like most of Hollywood) do not vaccinate (and natural birth too!), royalty *have* had severe issues crop up in their families before. I think there is some king or duke of a small country whose 2 kids both have disabilities.
DeleteBut don't expect to see them on primetime TV, sadly.
Wow beautifully written. It's crazy because I thought the same thing with all the press surrounding their baby. While I pray and hope for healthy babies for everyone, if a high profile couple welcomed a special needs baby it would really do so much to create awareness for children who are different or have special needs. As always so thought provoking...
ReplyDeleteQueen Elizabeth already has a grandchild with special needs -- Sophie Wessex's older daughter. She's still little -- maybe 6 yrs old?? -- but turns up at Royal events along with the rest of the littles (Phillip and Autumn's kid; Camilla Parker Bowle's grand kids; etc).
DeleteThis SO caught my eye when I read the title. Once again, Ellen, you have captured the essence of what many of us special needs parents might be thinking and wrote it so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteI do respectfully disagree with the comments Melissa made--I do not think the royal family would sweep it under the rug or "take care of it". I have read quite a bit about both William and Kate and I think considering all the charity work they both do, they would be open and accepting of a child with special needs. I do think that they would go out of their way to work even harder on special needs causes. They are not the Queen; they are ushering in a different mind set already.
I'm sorry to say this, but I have to respectfully disagree with you. William and Kate do charity work because that is what is expected of them as royals. They might care about the charity work they do and generally be nice people (although none of us can know that either way), but that does not mean they would welcome a disability in their own family.
DeleteI am sure the queen has been heavily involved in everything related to William and Kate's marriage including ensuring that Kate underwent extensive genetic testing, and that carrying a disabled baby to term would probably not even have been William and Kate's decision. Particularly in the case of a direct heir to the throne, I am sure anything possible would be done to prevent the birth of a child with a disability. It would put the royal family in an impossible position when the time came for him to be king and would call the entire monarchy into question.
Hmm, I wonder if anyone thinks of things like this when considering marrying a royal...
DeleteYou are absolutely right that charity work doesn't ensure people welcome disabilities within their own family. There are a lot of kind, generous, Christian people who are adamantly pro-life--but that's for someone ELSE, not THEIR family...in fact, please just keep it away from them. (One HOPES that they would change if this was what life served up, but there are some very arrogant attitudes.)
Funny, I had the same thought, probably as a result of reading your blog for a few years.
ReplyDeleteIm not really comfortable.. I am slightly confused by the tone.. its almost like you want them to have a child with special needs... I can't understand why some one would wish that upon a family Just to raise awareness? So it could be a poster child for disabilites? I see how that could change alot of things but surely this doesn't out weigh wishing anyone to have a child born without disabilites. Sorry I have a different mind set but I can't get a handle on this. David Cameron had a son with CP and although a prime minister is less high profile celebrity wise I cant remember that changing anyones views
ReplyDeleteThis post left me feeling really uncomfortable as well. Seems very selfish and self serving. Being public figures does not mean it is okay to take something as miraculous as a new little life being born and "what if" it (in a way that is anything less than wishing the best) for this poster's own agenda. Just bad taste.
DeleteIs this your first time reading Ellen's blog? If so, I invite you to read some of her other posts (along with her son Max's story)--I think you will find that rather than being "self serving", she is in fact advocating for all children with special needs in the hope that the world will be more inclusive of them.
DeleteI did not read this as a wish for their child to be born with special needs, but more as a "What will it take to make people more aware and accepting?" Also, it shows me a bit of your character to call someone else "self serving" for wishing better for special needs children. I mean, really?!
DeleteJamie,
DeleteAttacking someone's character for their opinion never really helps in a discussion but I do want to clarify my comment. THIS particular post made me uncomfortable and I PERSONALLY feel it is in bad taste. That is just my opinion. I have read this blog for a very long time and I know that Ellen is a champion fighter for Max and other kids with special needs and I respect her for it. That doesn't mean I have to agree with every post she writes. I have a daughter who is medically fragile and has many, many special needs along with a severe intractable seizure disorder so please do not confuse my not liking this post with me not wanting the best for kids with special needs and do not assume to know anything about me or my character and I will extend the same courtesy to you. That being said, there are lines that I am not comfortable crossing and this was one of them. Agree to disagree. :)
I can see where the last comment is coming from.. and hope I am right in saying it isnt the fact ellen wants the baby to have special needs... but it if sadly did it would be a chance for views and attitudes to move forward and she was more pondering this idea. I'm from london and when we hosted the paralympics attitudes did xhange unfortunately I feel this was only short while and as the excitement of 2012 died down so did the changing attitudes.. but just for a moment things looked like progression.
ReplyDeleteOur daughter is one of two known cases in the world with her diagnosis. She seemed 'perfect' at birth. A little floppy at 6 months. Slow to develop at 12 months. At 18 months I hit the panic button and at 20 months she was diagnosed. She IS PERFECT just the way she is. But I have often wondered how Will & Kate (and the Royal machine behind them) would cope if their seemingly 'perfect' baby turned out to have a hidden condition like our Princess does. Well written Ellen.
ReplyDeleteI thought you might like to know that I featured this blog in a post about my favorites. Julie's Boyz Blogspot: Some Fantastic Blogs Excellent writing!
ReplyDeleteLong time reader/ lurker
ReplyDeleteRespectfully, something about the tone of this post also made me a bit uncomfortable. I get your point, I really do. It just kind of comes across as wishing that something be wrong with the royal baby.
Cheers from Boston
Agreed, this post made me highly uncomfortable as well. So many things can go wrong, it's like you're inviting the Evil Eye or something. I said something similar on Facebook, but if the kid had special needs, how could they even cope with the paparazzi onslaught? There are many different conditions which could necessitate transferring the inheritance or keeping the child out of public view. IF such a thing were to happen, we really could not judge what they did or why they did it.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I hesitated to put up this post. I did. I knew not everyone would get it, and that people would read this as if I were wishing it would happen. That was not at all my thinking. But this is my place to share what's on my mind, and I chose not to censor myself. I'm grateful that the majority of you did see this as I intended it to be read. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI read this as you intended. The people who chastise you for it remind of those who think that because my husband and I have infertility issues, that means we wish infertility on others. No. We do not. However, when issues are brought into the mainstream and dealt with by people in the spotlight, it brings about a wider understanding that people with any sort of struggle crave.
DeleteI always think that when a celebrity couple is expecting, splashed all over the newspapers. I'm not sure how they would handle it. the Kennedy family had a sister who was "retarded" and was sent away. Never heard about her until after JFK. I wonder, but definitely the Royal child would have the best therapy in the world. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteActually that is not correct. The daughter you are referring to is Rosemary Kennedy. Her parents knew that something was different about her nearly after birth. No one is quite sure what her actual condition was (there is discussion of a brain injury, cerebral palsy or mental illness like depression, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder). However at the time (1940s) there weren't many options for treatment and they tried a lobotomy that did not go well and left her incapacitated. Eunice Kennedy Shriver (her sister) started Special Olympics in Rosemary's honor. While Joe Kennedy (her father) did not mention Rosemary any longer after the lobotomy and institutionalization, Rose (the mother)did visit RM frequently.
DeleteThanks for the clarification, Stephanie. Deirdre, FYI, the word "retarded" is now considered an offensive, derogatory word to describe someone with intellectual disability.
DeletePrince Edward's daughter, Lady Louise Windsor, was born with the eye disorder exotropia. Louise was a bridesmaid in Kate's and William's wedding They don't hide her away
ReplyDeleteEllen....
ReplyDeleteAlright. Now that I read this Blog post--twice!!--thought about it all day long, and later read Reader's comments, it's my turn!! ;)
First off, I possess a HUGE heart for "special needs" individuals. {And I have personally known many kids with cerebral palsy!!} My youngest brother has Down's syndrome. I was born with multiple birth defects, one of which resulted in learning disabilities. {Craniosynostosis.} And my sister has dyslexia. ;)
Knowing that your heart was in the right place, reading this Blog post did not produce in me any negative feelings none whatsoever. Probably because years ago, most likely during a mood swing-induced pity party over my learning disabilities, {I struggle mightily with longing to be "normal".} I pondered an eerily similar concept. It went something like this. "You know what would be cool? If celebrities had 'special needs' kids, too. They always have 'normal' babies!! What's up with that?!". But, then again. Just as I literally go into feel-sorry-for-this-baby-mode whenever I hear that somebody brought a "Cranio" child into this world, {MY birth defect.} I'd never wish "special needs" upon anybody. And neither would you. This I know. ;)
--Raelyn
PS. If you have the time, I invite you to read my last two Blog posts. They are about Robert Downey Jr. meeting a Beautifully Unique Massachusetts little boy--who I believe has cerebral palsy--and spending one-on-one time with him. So sweet!! It's kind of two parts. The first one is titled this. "When I Grow Up". The second part is titled this. "Just Another Schmuck?!". I hope you enjoy reading them!! Leave comments so I know you have visited!! ;)
My Blog address is this. http://raelynsendlesspossibilities.blogspot.com/ .
Sorry long comment!! ;-}
Prince John, younger brother of Edward VIII and George VI had epilepsy and other special needs and was hidden away and rarely visited by his mother Queen Mary or any other family. He died in his teen years and was never mentioned. There is a heartbreakng movie about him called The Lost Prince.
ReplyDeleteThat is truly sad. So many people with disabilities were horribly maltreated in those times.
DeleteSorry I am one of those who didn't quite " get it" I truly understand and respect where your coming from but it still laid uncomfortable with me.
ReplyDeleteTho who cares if a few us feel differently, as you expressed your view, others expressed theirs different or not.. but what you bravely did was make us all think. It was written beautifully and from a good place. I look forward to your next entry.
although i would never wish special needs parenting and disability onto somebody as a parent of a child with a very rare syndrome (my eldest daughter has smith magenis syndrome) every time a celebrity gets pregnant i wonder about how much it would raise awareness for my daughter's condition if their child had it also! Yes i suppose in a way that is in fact the exact opposite of 'not wishing' ...i suppose what i'm saying, if i had a magic wand and could make it so then of course i wouldn't wave it and make that unborn babe disabled but as a mama it is impossible to stop that train of thought! I wish this couple nothing but joy and happiness whoever they birth and for the record David Cameron did have a disabled son and even though he should know better he is systematically closing down and cutting all social care budgets in the UK and places for my daughter,,,effectively he is taking my daughter's future away! It can often make no difference whatsoever! my love as always xxxx
ReplyDeleteRead it.
ReplyDeleteGot it.
I wonder if the parents-to-be have thought the same thing.
Each time we were "expecting" this thought went through our minds.
I suspect it does with everyone.
We want perfect babies but, sorry folks, you get what you get and you love them and cherish them all the same.
Prince John was real and what they did was inappropriate in our time. But it wasn't our time. He spent just over a year at Wood Farm and had playmates. The story was over-dramatised in the short film and we have no way of knowing what would have happened if his health had improved.
This is a good lesson for some folk. Judging a person or post out of context, in ignorance of the whole picture and from a viewpoint too far from the person is just wrong.(judging people is wrong anyway!)
Ellen I read your post in the context of the many, many others I've read and from the viewpoint of a father of a severely disabled child. What if they had a disabled child? This one or the next or the next?
He'll be loved and cherished and the best decisions made for him by people who know him and his situation best.
Well, Sarah Palin had a disabled child and look what society and the media did to him....
ReplyDeleteThis child is already going to be in the public spotlight as a British royal. He or she will be on display for the rest of his or her life, especially as heir to the throne. If he or she were to have special needs, you know the media would immediately paint the royal baby as a poster child for disabilities. This is one kid that doesn't need extra pressure or media attention to be something bigger than themselves-- being the most anticipated baby of 2013 is enough.
ReplyDeleteSo much of the crown involves pedigree. Sadly, these folks genes are put under a microscope before they conceive. To be honest, I don't think the royals would bring a baby with visible physical or mental issues to term, and we'd never know about it.
ReplyDeleteBut if . . . if it did happen, I think that this couple here, William & Kate, would be great parents and great advocates for children all around the world with special needs. It's something you're not really prepared for, but as a parent, it's something that you just do.
I did recently here from a friend who has amazingly reared his children alone as an army officer tell me that his wife just left because she could not handle that the child had a disability. I think it was also that the mom had some issues and felt that the child's was compounding her own. Individual people make decisions based on their individual situations.
I've never had an amnio . . . and I've given birth 3 times. I deal with what I have, and I'm proud of my family and how my husband and I work together and work hard to do what we have to. That's what good parents do. You parent, even if that means getting any one of your children the help he/she needs to exist happily and comfortabley.
Read this post and the comments with great interest. I'm an ardent royalist, and yes, I have wondered what would happen if a future King or Queen of England were to be born with autism or Down's syndrome or another special-needs condition. But the post did not leave me feeling that Ellen wishes the child to be born with special needs. Not at all. In fact, as a mother and pediatrician, I feel her blog post raised a very interesting "what if" scenario. If anything, a child with special needs born into the royal family would definitely highlight the challenges faced by families of these children.
ReplyDeleteEllen 1st off I love you I really do!!! To me you help me & would never know it , I have thought the same thing just like if Kim & Kayne baby had special needs or Halle Berry I would never wish pain or hurt but what a platform to advocate & highlight special needs children to show that they have souls , are beautiful human beings in society that they belong out in the world , they are rainbows of life ;) What if Special Needs Children were seen as blessings when you have a baby or pregnant what if having a special needs child was seen as Joy & A Bundle of Beauty What If ( Ellen my son needs bibs & I know how hard it is for my husband to see our son who is 6 yrs. have to wear one but guess what I saw Max with his blue bib on I felt so relieved like its ok , This is our Journey & it's gonna be ok
ReplyDeleteHello, Lady A! Max mostly wears bandanna bibs now, two bandanas sewed together with batting in the middle. In Lightning McQueen fabric! They look more grown-up than the regular bibs, though we still have a few of those still floating around.
DeleteWhat if William and Kate issued a press release announcing the birth of their beautiful son, a son born with a cleft lip & palate? Further expressing their thankfulness that this condition could be repaired through a series of procedures and a group of talented doctors.
ReplyDeleteThanks for so eloquently expressing what I was thinking!
To be honest, I think if they did have a child with special needs it would be cared for. As people have mentioned above; Prince John had epilepsy and other learning disabilities and later died in his teens. He was hidden from the media eye and cared for just as much as his older siblings were. This was a time of war so of course he wouldn't have hours to spend with his parents. He certainly was not neglected. John was allowed playmates and his parents thought it best for him not to attend school and not to be seen by the media. I don't necessarily think because they were embarrassed about their son, but because it was for John's well being.
ReplyDeleteI went to a school which has a unit for special needs kids and I felt really bad because a lot of the so-called "normal" kids were rude and nasty to them as if they were lower class. I think it is natural for a parent to hide their children from these things; where that be from the media or bullies.
I saw Kate and William watering a tree in Australia with a little boy who had special needs. They didn't seem to think the little boy was something lesser than themselves. They both seemed very caring and protective over him.
Therefor, I think if a child of Will and Kate's was born with a disability it would be cared for and probably hidden from the media which may be better for a child who would find it tiresome to be in front of a camera all of the time anyway.
Though if there is any suspicion of disability before birth it may be aborted. But then again you never know. The "rules" of the royal family have been changing often ever since Diana named her sons on her own.
As for the throne, a lot of (not including myself) want Charles to be skipped and for William to be King sooner. I'm sure if the special needs royal is born, they probably wont want to the power anyway. Previous Kings have found it all too much and given the throne away to little brother and granddaughter.
It's not like celebrities don't have children with special needs. Jett Travolta was autistic, Lewis Hamilton's brother Nicolas has cerebral palsy (this guy still races in the UK) and that is just some that I know of.
Wish you guys all the best. :)