I go on an organizing binge
I've been de-cluttering for days, an organizing frenzy unseen in our house since my dad died two years ago. I started with the kitchen junk drawer, which has been a black hole since we moved into our house. I'm not sure why I've held on to 23 key chains and dozens of green twisty ties, but now they're gone. Then I moved on to our coat closet, where I unearthed a sweater Sabrina hadn't worn since she was 3 and one of Max's baby blankets. Last up: The towering pile in our attic of the kids' artwork. I saved a bunch of it. I (GASP) tossed some.
Organizing gives me a sense of control when life feels unsteady, as it has since Gavin passed and Monday's Boston Marathon bombing. The zen of focusing on putting things in their place is calming, the act of donating stuff or tossing it into the trash cathartic, the thrill of seeing a clean space hope-renewing. Being offline and quiet is also a time to process things. Weirdly, I rarely sit around and just think. Or maybe that's every mother.
I go for a drive
"Dave, I'm going out, keep an eye on the kids," I'll say. Without waiting for him to respond, I grab the car keys and flee. Car therapy first started after I had Max. He was a fussy baby, and sometimes the only way to lull him to sleep was to drive around. I'd wander through the roads of suburbia as he dozed and weep about what had happened to him, pulling over if I cried too hard. Today, cruising around still soothes me. I put on a jazz station and find a nice neighborhood to roam. And cry a bit. And try to avoid passing by the ice-cream store, but resistance is futile and I'll have one scoop in a sugar cone, please. Butter-pecan therapy works, too.
I call an old friend
I hardly ever have long phone conversations with friends anymore. Either I'm at work, I'm doing something with the kids or I'm zoning out on the couch, my brain capable only of watching Love It or List It. But last night, I longed for the comfort of an old friend. J is one of my freshman college roommates; we haven't connected since Superstorm Sandy, and even then it was by text, to make sure the other was OK. And so, I call. J's been following what happened to Gavin, and we speak some about that. We talk about her life as a speech therapist in a public school (yes, one of my bff's is an SLP), her boys, Max's progress, our husbands, a sleepover in June and blueberry picking. We talk for two hours. And when I hang up, I feel better.
Image: Flickr/gnarburger
I cleaned out my pantry and refrigerator since hearing about Gavin. I am also partial to crying in the car but haven't had the chance yet.
ReplyDeleteHope you get your cathartic cry. We lost all the contents of the fridge during Superstorm Sandy, so it got a major cleanout last fall.
DeleteHave you tried taking really long walks? You see your surroundings--social, natural, and architectural--in more detail and at a different pace (which takes you out of yourself) than you would when driving, you can stop suddenly or change direction on impulse (which you shouldn't be doing in a car), you can go on automatic pilot while you think your own thoughts (which you can also do in a car, but with some risk), and--big plus!--you get exercise, which even if it isn't enough to improve your fitness, will still have a calmer-and-happier-making effect on your brain.
ReplyDeleteNo place interesting enough near by? Take your car, park it somewhere interesting, and try a walk. And wear comfortable shoes!
Unfamiliar neighborhoods in cities are great for this if you're not a major nature-lover and/or want to stop somewhere for ice cream. (And, of course, the walking helps mitigate the caloric effects of butter pecan.)
So right, driving around in a car gives you no endorphin rush whatsoever. :) I do walk around the neighborhood sometimes. Thanks for the inspiration to park randomly somewhere and walk!
DeleteThe past two years, gardening. It's just a box bed and a few containers, but puttering there on my own makes me feel better, especially if homework or getting the girls on the bus has been an epic battle. I get very little time to myself, so a few minutes to be on my own and breathe is great.
ReplyDeleteI would love to do a massive culling of the clutter--god only knows what's lurking in our junk drawer!
I love gardening, mostly I'm weeding and pruning; the previous owner of my home was a master gardener, so all I have to do is maintain. It is sometimes hard to find the time to do, if we're outside the kids usually want me to play with them.
DeleteThis may be a small thing, but in regards to keeping/tossing kid's artwork:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.plumprint.com (thanks Gretchen Rubin of 'The Happiness Project'!)
They'll take hi-res images of even the weirdly shaped artwork and caption it if you want, bind it up, and voila! Coffee table book. Which gives kids the boost from seeing their work published and on display in a glossy hardback book, and you the satisfaction of getting more space in the attic, without feeling any lingering guilt.
OK, I KNOW one of the women who started that! And she offered to make up a book for me! Another one of Those Things I Haven't Gotten Around To, need to move that up the to-do list.
DeleteYou just explained my recent organizing tear through my house. But my daughter's closet, drawers, and medicine cabinet have never looked nicer. I also have a lovely idea for an art, inspirational quotes, and photo wall for her room. I was beginning to wonder if I was pregnant with all the nesting - HA!
ReplyDeleteIf our house ever got too neat, I think it would be completely unsettling to the kids. I shoot for organized chaos, in all areas of my life.
DeleteI also drive around town or go to the local outdoor mall and just walk around by myself. Here it's, "Brian, I'm going out. Watch the kids." :) I'll be doing it today so that I can drive around in our date car with the top down. If I could, I'd be meeting up with my bff for a shopping trip. Her name is Ellen, and we try to get together every couple of weeks to chat and commiserate. Now I just need that cleaning/organizing bug to hit.
ReplyDeleteI have been using the Communicate with the BFF form of therapy to de-stress for the past week. I also feel better when I toss a bunch of junk out that we don't need or donate whatever is usable.
ReplyDeleteI adore organizing frenzies. Just had one, in fact. :)
ReplyDeleteI run. Never, ever thought I'd call myself a runner but once I started 3 years ago I got hooked. At first it just exhausted me, but as I've got better at it, it now clears my mind and is the first thing I think to do when everything gets a little too much for me. At first my husband was frustrated by my frequent disappearances out the door with my running shoes on, but now that he's soon what a difference it makes to my moods and my coping skills overall, he's been known to get my running shoes and get close to pushing me out the door for a run when he sees that I'm about to blow a fuse.
ReplyDelete