A different kind of special needs: Helping siblings of kids with special needs

"You care about Max more than you care about me!" has become one of Sabrina's favorite phrases. This is both because she wants attention, and she feels Max gets more of mine. Every single time she says that, I am reminded that she has special needs, too.

Sabrina knows I write this blog for other parents of kids with special needs, and she has her Love That Sabrina blog. We often go on Mommy and me outings, ditto for her and Dave. She's gone to a couple of Sibshops sessions, and I plan to send her to the next one in our area. I am very aware that siblings of kids with special needs can be sensitive to the attention their brothers and sisters get. A friend of mine who has a brother with autism once told me how resentful she was of all the attention he got growing up, and I've never forgotten it.

Max does need major attention—with bath time, bedtime, mealtime, climbing, going downstairs, handwriting, grasping objects and numerous other things requiring fine-motor skills. He usually feeds himself these days, a major accomplishment. But food sometimes still dribbles out, especially soup. He loves the stuff but it's the worst consistency for him. Anything too liquid-y is hard to retain. We sometimes add rice or small pieces of tofu, but he often likes it straight up.

Sabrina and I have talked about Max needing help with stuff. But she's 8.

And so we were at a sushi restaurant this weekend and Dave was spooning miso soup into Max's mouth and Sabrina started getting pouty. And so I said, half-jokingly, "Would you like a bib, too?"

And she said "Yes." So I put one of Max's Cars paper bibs on her.

Then I asked, "Do you want me to feed you some soup?"

And she said "Yes!" So I spoon-fed her soup as Dave spoon-fed Max soup.

She ate her sushi (Philadelphia Roll) by herself. But then she decided she wanted to be a "messy baby" when she had her mochi (a sticky-rice concoction with ice-cream inside).

When we were done eating, she walked over, sat on my lap and snuggled her head into my neck and we just sat that way for a while.

She fell asleep as we drove home. She still looks so baby-ish and delicious when she sleeps, and my heart went mushy.

I don't have all the answers. I can just keep talking to her, give her as much attention as possible and hope it sticks.