And now, a word from Max's sleep-deprived dad

Hi, everyone. This is Dave, doing a guest post. Ellen is actually typing for me and I am dictating to her, but I think it still counts, right? I am not as fast at typing. She is also better at writing, but I am better at cooking.*

* Clarification: He is better at finding good take-out places.

I wanted to explain some stuff about dads and sleep deprivation because I think moms get all the credit for that. Every day, at about 5 in the morning, Max wakes me up with a little whack on my head. He does not do this to Ellen, just to me.*

* This is because of Dave's long-standing reputation as a human marshmallow; Max knows he'd never get away with this with me.

If I ignore him, he pulls my hair. Then I get up because Ellen is still sound asleep,* not that I am bitter about her sound-sleeping abilities.

* I am usually faking it because I need more beauty sleep than Dave does. Also: Every night he conks out at around 10 while I am up till midnight doing house stuff, kid stuff or work. I think moms get none of the credit for that.

Then Max and I have a little routine. He takes me to his room and he points to his Cars 2 DVD player. He says "Mine!" so I know for sure that it is his and not, say, Sabrina's or the new pope's.

Then he asks me to make his bed* and to put his Cars 2 bed tent in the correct position.

* Up until this point, I had no idea Dave knew how to make a bed. This is interesting news.

Sometimes we give his Cars 2 armchair a shake just to hear Lightning McQueen's voice. I have spent a disproportionate amount of my salary on Cars 2 merchandise,* but I am not bitter about that either. 

* See: "human marshmallow" above.

Once the bed is in good shape, we go downstairs. Some days, Max likes us to make scrambled eggs together. I hide his powdered anti-seizure medicine in them. It's harder to hide the stuff in Rice Krispies. Then Max wants to either check out some YouTube videos on his iPad of Cars 2 clips or the Disney Cruise. Or he wants me to wrap a blanket around him and settle him in front of the TV to watch Disney Jr.

Meanwhile, I'm kind of awake at this point and too lazy to walk back upstairs, so I just lie on the couch, stare into space and wish I were in my bed.

Even though I am sleep deprived, it's all worth it. At least I don't look sleep-deprived, I don't think.*

* He doesn't. He is as handsome as the day I married him.

I welcome your sympathy for my sleep deprivation.*

Ellen is not going to be able to type anymore because I am about to doze off on the couch.**

* I suspect I am the far more sleep-deprived person of the two of us, not that I'm bitter about that.
** He passed out before I finished typing this.