The girl in the picture is British and now a teen, I found out this weekend; her name is Heidi Crowter. Years ago, someone snatched her photo from an online parents' support group.
Most recently, web trolls posted her pic on Facebook with the caption "Lose your virginity to a retard." One site (I refuse to link to them) posted this nasty article, which I found out about through Hannah Jacobs' powerful Facebook group Special Needs Watch: Hall of Shame:
Heidi, 16, is aware of what's going on. "Heidi has told me she is very upset by the sites and she turns her head away when we have them on the computer screen," her mom has said.
I am raging as I write this. Even if I didn't have a kid with special needs, I'd find it completely impossible to understand why anyone would do this. Are these people so pathetic they can't find anything else in life to joke about? Are they so ignorant that they can't see why this is cruel? Are they heartless enough not to care? Evidently, yes, yes and yes.
Rage.
For those people who've commented that there's nothing wrong with casually using the word "retard": I wonder if they'd see anything wrong with what happened to Heidi. That's the thing: Keep using the word "retard" as a joke and it perpetuates the idea that those with Down syndrome and other special needs are worthy of being made fun of. It gives the jerks of the world license to keep doing their jerk-y thing. In this video, Heidi shows a heck of a lot more smarts and soul than any of those people will ever have:
What happened to Heidi is alarming and outrageous. If anything good were to come out of it, I hope it raises awareness about how much prejudice still exists toward those with special needs—and why it's important for all of us to do what we can to encourage respect for our kids, and others like them.
Thank you for putting this out there. I wasn't even aware of the meme, but I am horrified!
ReplyDeleteIt disgusts me that people still think this sort of thing is funny.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this Ellen!
Thank you!!! There is a group that goes after people with DS. My son's picture was stolen a couple of years ago. I am not very careful about putting his picture on our blog, FB, anywhere. There is also some girl from Brazil, I think, who is a "collector". She goes onto blogs and steal pictures of blonde girls with Down syndrome, then posts them on another website. I k ow of several people who have had thier kids photos turned over to pedeophiles, because somebody thinks its funny. And people wonder why Amos of SN kids are helicopter Moms!!! Ugh!
ReplyDeleteOh my! That should have said I AM very careful about putting my son's photo out there. I need some sleep. ;)
ReplyDeleteSo it's not ok to learn from your mistakes? Also the last time I checked, "ignorance" is not a medical or psychological disability. I hope that Ellen NEVER promotes tolerance towards people who are hateful and yes, IGNORANT.
ReplyDeleteWow. How awful. I can not imagine how hurtful it must be to have your child's face used for something like this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I don't understand people who think this kind of "humor" is funny. It's shameful.
ReplyDeleteSo sad. I'm glad that you and others have tracked down who this little (now teenage!) girl is. I think the more we put really faces and people behind the joke, the more it will change.
ReplyDeleteAnd "anonymous" - if you want to own it, then sign your name to it.
Thank you for posting this.
ReplyDeleteI'm sickened, truly sickened, for that teen and her family.
Facebook is really losing credibility for not responding in a swift and effective way.
It's so very hard to teach our children to be compassionate, understanding individuals when the majority of society allows and even encourages such hatred. Unfortunately, I have a few friends who feel sorry for me because my oldest son has special needs. I say we're blessed in so many ways, but mainly because my other children are growing up in a home that doesn't tolerate hate AT ALL, no matter who the hatred is targeted against.
ReplyDeleteI mean, come on! Our own president equated his poor bowling skills (I believe that was the sport) with being in the special olympics. It's everywhere and so accepted! I'm glad there are sites/blogs like this one that are saying enough is enough.
Keep up the good work!
People can be so cruel. I don't see how they can think this is funny.
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone find that funny? I often wonder if the people that have this sick humor would find it amusing if it were someone they love...their child, niece, nephew, brother, sister, or friend etc. I am disgusted that this is considered "funny". I am so glad you wrote this it needs to be brought to peoples attention. We have put up with so much ignorance and discrimination and most do not realize but even this what they did to Heidi is concidered the same as if they did similar to another race, gender, and other discrimination. It is heartbreaking. We need to speak out and let it known it is unacceptable and it is a crime.
ReplyDeleteBlah. Auto-correct strikes again:
ReplyDelete*I'll more than once was supposed to be ill
*"say one of his" was supposed to be "say none of this"
* bringing light p this story should be bringing light to this story
*all need to bebheld responsible should be be held responsible
Why would anyone find that funny? I often wonder if the people that have this sick humor would find it amusing if it were someone they love...their child, niece, nephew, brother, sister, or friend etc. I am disgusted that this is considered "funny". I am so glad you wrote this it needs to be brought to peoples attention. We have put up with so much ignorance and discrimination and most do not realize but even this what they did to Heidi is concidered the same as if they did similar to another race, gender, and other discrimination. It is heartbreaking. We need to speak out and let it known it is unacceptable and it is a crime.
ReplyDeleteEllen: I posted a fairly long and respectful comment that is not showing up. What occured?
ReplyDeleteTo be clear, I say one of this to criticize anyone as a person; but to educate as, before something like mental illness touched me, I used those words, too. I say this as I believe that people have good intentions, especially the wonderful people who surf the special needs community (including this blog!), and, if they knew they were using a slur, I believe they would want to stop. I say it because MommyP is correct -- it is OK to learn from your mistakes; but you have to be willing to listen first.
ReplyDeleteFor those who want more information on the stigma surrounding mental illness, how using those words are harmful and how to be a part of the solution, I recommend looking up/Googling the website of a non-profit by the name of Bring Change 2 Mind, who focus on combatting mental health stigma.
That said, Ellen, I thank you for bringing light p this story. It is truly sickening , awful....I don't think there are enough words. Those behind it all need to bebheld responsible and the memes need to be taken down. Nothing about what was done is OK and, yes, sadly, it is a reflection of how far we still need to go.
Ellen: my comment is not sticking. Please e-mail me at doveerikams@gmail.com to assist.
ReplyDeleteIf one truly wants to spread the word to end the word, it should be about ending all slurs, for all margilinized groups, not just for those that personally touch our lives. As someone who knows and loves many people with mental illness, I advocate against the use of that word, as it is hurtful and dangerous to use. I also advocate against the word retard, "spaz" (from the word spastic) and similar words, as I know they are hurtful in the same way that crazy, mad or insane are.
ReplyDeleteEllen: nope, not sticking. Email me and delete previous postings until resolved.
ReplyDeleteI almost hate to post below the screed by Anonymous. So, I think I'll go with Anonymous as my moniker as well just so that unkind person doesn't go after me too! What I'd like to do with the person (is "person" too generous a word for the likes of this type?) who created the image misusing Heidi's picture would be to get their photo and put it on an equivalent image with the words, "I have no soul". For people who stoop to such depths, especially in looking for laughs, do not have kind hearts or generous souls. How sad for them.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Louise, Lisa, Carrie and others. What happened to this girl is mind-boggling awful. Debi, I felt very sorry for her mom, too.
ReplyDeleteErika, your comments seem to have posted.
Anonymous, I'm sorry you are such an angry, bitter and closed-minded person, it must be hard to live that way. I'm not going to bother counteracting statements you've made, which are exaggerated, untrue or just plain ridiculous. I'm going to pity you. Please, get yourself some help.
All I can say is that those who pick on the weak and (sometimes) defenseless, are pretty much the bottom of the barrel intellectual and socially.
ReplyDeleteSo cruel and it breaks my heart to think that this girl, who is now a teen, knows about this. How awful I would feel if this were my daughter.
ReplyDeleteTo "Anonymous": I find it fascinating that someone who claims to find Ellen so repellent, also seems to know a great deal about her blog posts. You've referenced her religious preference, her daughter's name, her contemplation on having a 3rd child, heck, I'll bet that you could even name her favorite colors & hobbies if pressed. My question is why? Why do you continue to read a blog written by a person whom you find so infuriating? Is it boredom, jealousy, loneliness, all of the above? Whatever the reason, I hope that you can find another way to pass the time because trolling on blogs is kinda sad, don't you think? Sincerely, Kimberly
ReplyDeleteIn the town I live, in the school my children attend, a girl committed suicide on Saturday night by hanging herself. Her father found her before she was deceased, but she was unresponsive. She died the following morning. It was a result of bullying.
ReplyDeleteThis is no different.
To make fun of someone, to say mean things, to invite a 'gang up on XX' for the sole purpose of torment and simply to be mean, is inexcusable.
Sadly, I don't think this will ever end. We all have been subject to it in some fashion, yet it continues. We lose children's lives over such inexcusable, unjustifiable ridiculousness. And it continues.
We all learn from our mistakes. We've all done something that wasn't right. We have to look within ourselves first for forgiveness and then make the change. It happens one person at a time.
Thank you, Ellen, for your honest, loving posts. There isn't an ounce in me that believes you don't love your children. It is evident you're trying to educate others through your experiences and for that, I am grateful.
To Anonymous: Be kind to others. You don't know what they're going through. You haven't walked in their shoes. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but if you have nothing nice to say, please respectfully keep it to yourself.
You are great! I love everything you write! You can do no wrong! Keep up the wonderful pearls of wisdom so we can learn how to be just like you!
ReplyDeleteYou've tauht me that retard is bad word. I promise to never use it agian! I'll stand up to anyone using bad memes if they insult slow people. The other memes are K butdon't pick on slow people. thx ellen for reminding us that we shouln't treat slow people liek everyone else and should make sure that we treat them like special people
ReplyDeleteEllen~
ReplyDeleteI find your blog amazing. I constantly look forward to reading it every morning. Thank you for bringing light to these issues.
Thank you for being an advocate for children with ALL special needs. I think you are kind of amazing!
And to the people who insist on being unnecessarily inconsiderate: You do NOT have to read this blog. You do not have to comment. You do not have to call someone names, reference blog writer's children, or give your personal opinion on their choices.
I honestly pity you for feeling the need to write these comments. I hope you are never the target for hate or bullying.
It constantly makes me ill to hear about the prevalence of bullying. As a mental health provider I saw the effects on both sides. Bullies are not healthy themselves. But their actions are reprehensible. Makes me fear sending my children into the world. Thank you for the entertaining blog that often gives something to think about. Your past, and current views are yours. Right or wrong. While I cannot imagine not wanting a child of mine for any reason, some people go through that as grief. Clearly the other anonymous has mental health considerations, or should get clinical help to work through stuff. We should all be careful of our words. Clinical words should stay clinical, but good to not respond. In the end, it only matters what God thinks. And those closest. That being said, thanks for the blog!
ReplyDelete...can't we just... you know... not insult ANY disabled people? why is it ok to insult those with mental illnesses? i don't get it.
ReplyDeleteEllen,
ReplyDeleteFirst thank you for writing this post. It's heart breaking to see the cruelness of others.
Second, I am so sorry for the disrespectful, hurtful, and outlandish comments written by Anonymous. (To which I say, this blog isn't "tied to google." You can sign in just as I did, with your name and a url. You don't have to use a blogger sign in.)
Sadly the very nature of the internet allows for people to hide behind the shadow of a keyboard and say things to people they would never say to them in person (or even have the courage to sign their name to.) The fact that there are adults out there who enjoy taking time to type out such nonsense is sad. If Anonymous is married I wonder if her husband knows what she types on the computer at 8:30 in the morning. If she has kids, I wonder if they read her words. If she does have children, I hope she doesn't teach them to communicate with others this way. It's amazing that the people who are spending their time trying to change the world, are so often critiqued by others (and in this case, others who have not produced any of their work.) I wonder what Anonymous has done lately that is so great.
It's like Steve Jobs told the guy who wrote in to him complaining over and over about an Apple product,
"...what have you done that’s so great? Do you…just criticize others work and belittle their motivations?”"
Ellen, don't worry about the words of an anonymous critic.
PLEASE...ignorance is not an excuse...SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOutraged, and having a hard time believing that this "anonymous" person is actually for real. There's just people out there starved for attention. As far as I'm concerned all children are fearfully and wonderfully made, special needs or not, and the ones that are not able to see it or comprehend it are the ones that are truly disabled.
ReplyDeleteTo the mean anonymous person ...whoever you are. It's obvious that you're an angry person and have a great deal of underlying issues yourself. You really should try being nice to people in general. It doesn't appear that comes easy for you. People can respect differences in opinions, but you seem to lack respect and good manners towards others.
ReplyDelete@anonymous
ReplyDeleteSorry about the "ceepy family photo," we took that in NYC during a recent trip and it was very cold outside. We'll try to make the next family picture less creepy.
This story is absolutely appalling. I'm so horrified people would do this. I also can't help but wonder why you posted one of the pictures?? Aren't you doing the exact same thing that you are arguing against? I think you could have presented the story without resorting to using the picture. It just seems a bit hypocritical.
ReplyDeleteHonest question, Ellen- do stories like this make you worry about having the blog, and putting the kids' pictures on it?
ReplyDeleteI know stuff like that crazy Anonymous up there can happen to any blog and you have to be prepared to face the worst when you write on a public forum, but what happened to Heidi - a kid - is just gross. I can't imagine how worrying something like that must be.
I just hope you don't let it get to you to the point that you shut the blog down or something...
This is sickening. So cruel! Poor Heidi. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her how beautiful she is.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the matter with people? How is that funny?
ReplyDeleteI felt horrible just reading the words about it.
Mommy Psychologist, I thought long and hard about showing the image, but I thought you needed to see the visual to fully understand just how awful this is. I don't find that "hypocritical" at all—I obviously wasn't presenting this in a demeaning way.
ReplyDeleteRachael, what happened to Heidi is troublesome, but my husband and I made a decision when I started this blog to write openly about our family and experiences, and in the end I feel the greater good outweighs any potential negatives. As for the occasional cowardly/ignorant/mean-spirited commenter who shows up here, I could care less. I'm proud that this blog has become a warm, caring, supportive community, that what I write encourages other parents, and that I'm inspired in return.
When I opened the blog this morning to read "Max" I saw Heidi's picture and immediately thought what a sweet adorable face on this little girl! I wish I had stopped there. I continued to read the comments and got caught up in the berating stuff - really brought me down. Too bad, Ellen, you are so positive and I usually leave your site uplifted. Where is the "report abuse button" for Anonymous (the negative one)?
ReplyDeleteEllen,
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog, but have never felt the need to comment before. Thanks for posting this; I too cannot understand people who need to belittle others for entertainment. I'll be honest and say that only recently have I made a conscious effort to stop using the R word, and strongly encourage those around me to do the same. As for "Annonymous"...there aren't adequate words to express my disgust with whoever this person is. Find some way to make the world better, whoever you are, or find somewhere else to vent your anger. I think I speak for us all when I say, "You're not welcome here".
I will rip their fucking heads off.
ReplyDeleteNOT ok. NOT OK AT ALL.
did you know that 90-something percent of aneuploidy (wrong # of chromosomes) fetus' abort spontaneously before the mom even knows she's pregnant? Did you know that of the ones that survive to 9 weeks gestation-90-something percent of those fetus' die? Of those that survive to term- the survival rate to the first birthday is ~50% but this depends on the type of aneuploidy. So the next time you meet a child with -oh- Down syndrome- before you know anything else- you are already in the prensence of one very strong human being- it's scientifically provable. And we haven't even started talking about the kids with other issues/injuries who train like olympians every dang day to sit in a chair or hold up the head. And they try to be like 'us'?
ReplyDeleteAwful so sad somone's medical challenges can become somone's vulgar humor. How can people with such nastiness look in a mirror. As for the rude anonymous I hope as you read the blog you gain manners & disability awareness.
ReplyDeleteI've just stumbled across this. I cannot believe this has happened.
ReplyDeleteI actually know various relatives of Heidi and cannot imagine how they are feeling. It's so heartbreaking that people could be like that! =(
that makes me so mad!
ReplyDeleteTo "Anonymous" (the angry one), You know you don't HAVE to read this blog right? And yet you must be a regular reader at this site to accuse Ellen of everything you've accused her of. So, maybe you're not quite sure how this whole internet thing works: YOU can decide what sites you want to frequent. Unless Ellen has some kind of magical geeky super powers, I don't think you have to read her, especially if she is as vile, offensive and mean spirited as you claim. I hope you now feel the freedom to move on to less offensive sites that won't insult your intelligence.
ReplyDeleteAs to the purpose of the original post, thank you Ellen for letting us know that this innocent girl's life is being trafficked for someone's evil agenda. We need to protect all of our kids from the monsters out there.
Gigi
This made me sick kids make fun of me even for my own disabilities! but what this girl had to suffer through makes me upset. I hope the family copes well, I wish I could just give Heidi a big hug.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends has Down syndrome. She is awesome and likes ice cream. I wish I could give Heidi a big tub of cotton candy ice cream.
ReplyDeleteJust because pictures exist on the internet doesn't make it a meme. I would say this is a non-meme, there's no need to make a big deal out of it. On Know Your Meme, this would be put in the deadpool in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteI think it's horrible, but also by drawing attention to it it will only make it worse. "Don't Feed The Trolls" is a common term these days.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Heidi should "take ownership" of it and post some more positive memes of her own using the picture? Others have done so including a hilarious youtube meme from "Overly Attached Girlfriend". These things can be positive too.
But at the end of the day, people have always made these kind of jokes and sadly always will be it on the web with a picture or on TV/movies or real life.
thank you for putting a name to this face. I found your blog because I wanted to know whatshername and the names of several other people who have had their likenesses taken and treated with disrespect and contempt. I think it's a form of bullying, and I think that when it is posted to be cruel or make fun of some invisible human being who doesn't have a name and isn't anyone to anyone, it's easier for people to let it be ignored. that young woman has a family who loves her, and she shouldn't be shamed into avoiding the Internet. it's outrageous and cruel. thank you, again, for giving her a name.
ReplyDeletepeople can be so incredibly ingnorant wen it comes to anyone or any thing with special needs. It's a joke until something happens to them- then it's no longer funny. Karma has a way of sneaking up on people.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people are ignorant.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first saw this meme, I didn't know that the girl had down syndrome. I looked at the meme and thought, "Cute. A little toddler thinks she can count to potato." After I found out she had down syndrome, I was disgusted. Disgusted that anyone who knew of her syndrome would make fun of her like that. If you think mocking a child because she is mentally handicapped, I... I don't even know. Just please, stop this meme.
ReplyDelete