Max is definitely lacking in one area. This became extremely apparent to me yesterday evening, when I was hanging out with the kids and Sabrina was sharing stuff on her mind. Oversharing, one might say.
"Mommy," said Sabrina, "my eyes don't feel right!"
"Mommy," said Sabrina, "this game is bor-ing! Why are we playing it?"
"Mommy," said Guess Who, "this ice-cream is really cold!"
"Mommy, this book that you ordered for me isn't the same as the one that we took out of the library! The pictures are different!"
"Mommy, I'm too tired to take a bath!"
"Mommy, why can't I find my favorite pajamas?"
"Mommy, why does Max get to stay up later?"
It seems odd that I've never noticed it before. But it's true:
Max isn't yet capable of complaining.
I'm not quite clear on what developmental stage this would typically occur at. I'm assuming none of those child-rearing books says things like "Age 7: Child learns to put together words in a sentence with correct punctuation. Also, child starts complaining excessively." But for whatever reason, Max doesn't yet have complaining in him. Which is spectacular, because one child with excessive amounts of griping is about all I can take.
Of course, I could create a "Complaint" category in Max's speech app and program in sentences like "I don't own enough purple clothing!" or "You gave Sabrina more ice-cream!" or "My Cars 2 DVD is really worn out!"
But, dang, I'm not crazy.
I've always felt a tad smug that because of Aidan's very involved disability and limited mobility, we don't have to deal with sibling rivalry. Neener-neener-neener. It's a great perk.
ReplyDeleteYep, We have the same perk with Matthew. He also does not know how to mis-bahave. You tell him to make his bed, he makes his bed. Because doing what parents and teachers (known authority figures tell him) is part of his reoutin). . Unlike the "normal" highly intelligent sister who questions and debats everything ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
ReplyDeleteCelebrate the good stuff!
But I think Max does complain. One example is his behavior when he doesn't get to sit in the corner seat at the restaraunt. Or if there is a purple something and and thinks he might not get it.
ReplyDeleteOne of the first things I was taught by an autism expert was that all behavior is communication. I believe this is true for all people not just those with autism. So while Max doesn't have the communication skills to complain in a traditional way - his behavior will do his talking.
I was aware that my little guy was incapable of lying, but I hadn't thought about the lack of complaining. Maybe that's why hanging out alone with him doesn't stress me out as much as hanging out alone with my typical child?
ReplyDeleteHm. Thanks for pointing that out.
I totally agree with Janet, although I do not know Max. I recently wrote a post called The Silent Queen and it is basically about how Tess rules her "Kingdom" without any words. She complains, just as Janet said, through body language. And she is a diva! ;)
ReplyDeleteTo me, there is a difference between voicing an opinion or a want (which Max does in spades) or griping about a given situation (which Sabrina does in spades). In any case, that's a great point, Janet: All behavior is some form of communication.
ReplyDeleteLOVE "The Silent Queen!" At times Max rules our world in that way, too.
Anon: Max doesn't think to lie, either. That hadn't occurred to me till you mentioned it. While I don't wish for that, it seems that would be a new level of cognition for him. So wouldn't totally be a bad thing. Hard to wrap my head aren't THAT one!
But Max IS capable of abstract thinking - you've written about his sense of humor and how he's able to pretend and be silly. My guy can do that, too - it just doesn't occur to him to use those thinking skills to get himself out of trouble (or his sibling inTO trouble).YET.
ReplyDelete:)
Hey, I think Max is perfectly capable of complaining. I just think he is a cool kid, with an even temperment. Though, he does have his strong preferences. Maybe complaining won't be his style. My husband, who is highly intelligent, rarely complains. He is generally content. I, on the other hand, am highly emotional and girly. I also have a teeny little prob with complaining. But, I am working on it...
ReplyDeleteHow I wish that my daughter with CP had this particular delay. She doesn't speak very well and yet, somehow, she manages to complain a lot - usually about the incorrect choice of music or movie, often after she has handed me said music or movie and indicated it is what she wants... ;) Adorable post!
ReplyDeleteSo true! My daughter (19) also does not complain, though she's highly verbal. Personally, I think it's a combination of her sunny , positive personality AND autism.
ReplyDeleteMax complains--when he doesn't like something, he says NO! He just doesn't volunteer complaints yet. All things in time!
ReplyDeleteThat big fat F above is ME Ellen, I think I hit the wrong button!
ReplyDeleteI laughed hard at the speech section you are NOT adding to his ipad. Love it!
ReplyDeleteYep, it's possible Max might not be the complaining type. He takes after Dave, who's pretty good natured and rarely complains except when he has a cold and then WATCH OUT. Sabrina takes after me, more or less, but I swear I do not complain like that!
ReplyDeleteSometimes kids with Special needs are easier than typical kids
ReplyDeleteI just posted about this today http://azisamazing.blogspot.com/2012/03/raiseing-disabled-child-is-sometimes.html
ReplyDeleteLove this post! One of my favorites for sure!
ReplyDeleteWe've been saying for a while now that Jackson (3.5 with QSCP) is much easier to deal with than Julia (our 9.5 year-old) and the complaining is one big reason! But as for programming his AAC device - you should read the book "Rules" if you haven't. Some fun stuff in there about words a typically developing tween decided a non-verbal child of the same age needed in his communication book. I loved it!!!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it while lasts Max will be complaining before you know it ;)
ReplyDeleteHa ha. I have been saying similar stuff about Carsyn. How I am thankful he isn't always telling me no. ha.
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