Max needs a driver's license. Plus, potty-training armageddon is near

Last Sunday, Sabrina and I were cruising around. She had strep throat, and I took her out for ice-cream because of course that and antibiotics are the best possible cure, but mostly Mud Pie ice-cream.

My cell rang; it was Dave.

"Can you come pick us up?" he asked.

Max had decided to pedal his tractor into town. Mind you, it's a good half mile from our house. And then he kept right on going past town. He was showing no sign of letting up, and Dave figured he was going to run out of steam at any second.

The tractor, circa 2009

I found them. Max didn't look very pleased to see me. In fact, his exact greeting was "Noooooooo!" He didn't want to stop. We hauled him into the car, looking to all the world like we were kidnapping him off the street, and then Dave told me about the excitement I'd missed.

Max had decided he was driving not a tractor but a REAL car. And he tried to drive smack in the middle of the street, along with the other moving vehicles. Dave finally convinced him that his plastic John Deere kiddie tractor is not an actual car.

Then Max decided he needed to park his fake real car in a parking lot in town. He drove into a spot and hung out as a policeman watched, smiling (evidently, idling in a plastic car is not yet considered a violation in our town). Some guy drove up and waited for the spot; Dave finally lured Max away with the promise of a milkshake.

So, I'm thinking of getting Max a new set of wheels, and it's all about bribery. We are going to immerse ourselves in potty training in two weekends. As in, we're dedicating an entire weekend to staying home and being all potty, all the time. No Pull-ups, just underwear and lots of drinking (water, not beer, although I might need a couple of glasses of wine). Plastic shower liners on the floor. Plus some amazing, absolutely irresistible prize-bribe. Like this:

It fits kids up to age 7 but since Max is well under the weight limit of 65 pounds,  I'm figuring he'll be fine. So what if we have to take out a second mortgage to pay for it. If it inspires Max to go potty, it will be worth every cent.

I just keep picture Max in it, jetting away from us to, like, Florida.

But at least he'd be potty trained.