An article on CNN.com about the campaign against the word "retard," which featured my video, ended up on the homepage. It triggered an avalanche of arguments, anger, ignorance and hate. Comment sections on news sites tend to bring out the worst in people. You wonder why some people have so much time to sling nasty around—as if it's their jobs or something. YouTube also had some doozies.
It was like driving by an accident on a road: At first, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I knew I needed to stop reading the comments and eventually I did. But then I lay awake in bed last night, thinking about some of them and raging. And this is what I decided: I am going to pity these people. And suddenly, I was calmer. (Although when a Facebook friend called them "completely heartless, ignorant asshats," it didn't suck.)
And so...
I'm going to pity the people who said "This article is retarded!" because they are wholly lacking empathy, a handy human trait. There's no app for that.
I'm going to pity the people who said "Your child is a retard" because they are cruel, and when you're cruel it comes from a very unhappy place.
I'm going to pity the person who wrote "retardation and other developmental disabilities are a burden to our health care system and our educational system" because he was born without a soul—a major disability, if you ask me.
I'm going to pity the person who said my son will never be considered an "equal" in society because that dude is closed-minded, and will miss out on much in this world.I'm going to pity the person who wrote, "PLEASE don't take away the word retarded, it's a great word! It's one of the funniest words in the dictionary" because there's also no app for curing stupidity. As one commenter noted, "Very often the word is used by those lacking much capacity themselves."
I'm going to pity the teen girl who felt the need to note that other species kill their disabled when they are young, because it is sad that she has such hate inside her. (As my wise friend Alice of Finslippy noted, "Some species also eat their own poop.")
I'm going to pity the person who said "Maybe if you weren't smoking crack Max wouldn't have been a retard" because it is dubious he ever had a mother.
You are an amazing woman. I'm so lucky to know you. Xo
ReplyDeleteJust went to watch the video. It's great!
ReplyDeleteProud to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. And pity the ones who do not.
Thank you for that video!!!
Ellen,
ReplyDeleteYou ARE amazing. Your last line says it perfectly.
Good heavens. Stand strong, Ellen.
ReplyDeleteRecently on my blog I was accused of "torturing" my daughter because we chose to have surgery for her ear reconstruction instead of a removable prosthesis. The commenter said that we were *clearly* ashamed of our daughter being born without an ear, and putting her through surgeries was because we are trying to hide our own insecurities.
I told the person, as graciously as I could, to stuff it.
In your mind, tell the people on CNN's comment board who said all those vile things, to stuff it. Someplace dark and not fun.
Thanks for putting yourself out there. I don't think I could handle that much hate/ stupidity thrown towards me. Where is the empathy in the world? Sometimes I worry that the internet has made it too easy to be hateful without facing any consequences.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother used to say that exact same thing: First, pray for them, that they see the light. Next, pray in gratitude, that you're not them.
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful to not be them.
I love you, Ellen, and I love Max.
enough to overcome those haters.
I loved your video tribute to Max. I know it must be painful to read those comments but you have to stay focused on your sweet family and try not to personalize their hate. I don't understand what compels people on the internet to dehumanize others but it happens, and it only shows their ignorance.
ReplyDeleteWell put Ellen! You are strong for even putting everything out there. I hate receiving comments or reading comments on other people's blogs that are so negative, so I tend to linger away from posting too much. It is so sad that people are the way they are....and I will pity them with you!
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that they haven't been touched by someone with special abilities.
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, guys. Rebecca, you are SO right.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? I am OWNING the hate. It deflates obnoxious commenters if their words don't hurt. And, actually, their words don't seep in once you consider the pathetic place where they're coming from.
I came to your blog specifically out of reading the CNN article, and I have to say it had me seething, and those comments weren't even directed at me!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for seeing things with such clarity.
You have an amazing attitude, and I'm really happy to have stumbled on your blog.
I'm sure it's been a while, but you probably remember being pregnant and weepy? I'm an emotional roller coaster lately, and reading from post to post in your blog has taken me through a whole spectrum of emotions. From happy to annoyed to sad to tickled.
I really appreciate your humor, your awesome parenting and I can see that you have an amazing kid.
You're so right about pity. Your perspective is much richer than any of those CNN posters could ever be.
Here here!! You said it so well. You are such an encouragement and I love your strong stance!
ReplyDeleteWow! You are an amazingly strong woman! We should all learn from you!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and you and Max are so lucky to have each other. Thanks for sharing a bit of that with us.
ReplyDeletei love this. LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteThey don't know what they are missing. The openness, the love and the general caring of people who are differnt. What a shame, you really do have to pity them.
ReplyDeleteSuch a good way to look at it Ellen. These people clearly have deep issues and shallow soals. You are absolutely right that they should be pitied. They will never understand how good it feels to show compassion, support and respect for other human beings. They will never understand how deep love can go. Just remember that there are still a lot of wonderful people in this world. You will always have people on your side loving and supporting you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting yourself out there, knowing some people won't agree. Maybe they won't see it now, but a seed could be planted with these people. They will think twice when they use the r word. I know that I personally would prefer a child with a disability rather than a mean hearted child. I feel pity for their parents!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. Just keep saying that to yourself and let the other ignorant lost souls use words that they have no idea of the meaning. Our babies are amazing and these people can never take even a small piece of that away. Hold your head high, you continue to educate and inspire those of us who need your words and love to read and watch them.
ReplyDeleteGreat video! I've called out friends on using the word, and they are always shocked and embarrassed and say that they don't see my child that way and didn't mean it that way. I explain to them that it doesn't matter how they meant to use it, that it's still not okay, no matter what. And I,like you, pity the sad, sad people on comment boards who feel the need to spew hatred and show their own ignorance. The Internet is a wonderful tool, but it also brings out the worst in some people. Keep doing what you do - Max is awesome and he deserves it!
ReplyDeleteSee, you are nicer than me. My first thought for those people who have no room in their souls just now is "karma's a bitch".
ReplyDeleteWORD! You know, when I was teaching, the kids that threw that word around the most were those with the least amount of self-esteem--those that were trying to keep others from noticing their own deficiencies.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't know how you do it sometimes. All the evil makes me bonkers.
I have a blog on a news site, and the comments are often ridiculous and make me sad for the future of humanity. I keep my sanity by feeling sorry for them that they are so ignorant and full of hate. And by laughing at their grammar.
ReplyDeleteOh man those people are so sad.
ReplyDeleteBravo, Ellen. I think this was a great response. I know the kind of staying-awake-at-night thing you're talking about and it's not fun. I'm glad you are able to catalyze those negative emotions into positivity for yourself.
And hey! National news site! Whut whut! (I figure if you can say "haters gonna hate" I can say "whut, whut." ;) )
I like the way you have chosen to look at this. I have a hard time understanding why some people choose to be so extremely cruel... You're right, pitying them does reduce the sting a little. Thanks for your strength and bravery!
ReplyDeleteI understand your position on this but My3littlebirds has a point.
ReplyDeleteLowlife like this will use the internet as an anonymous forum. They lack the courage to act and speak in the real world so vent their bile in the virtual world. They are sad and your pity is probably appropriate.
Personalising their hate will only damage you though. Focussing on your beautiful family and staying positive is what I would do at this point.
Sorry if that sounds condescending.
Amen, sister. I don't think I could have the strength to withstand the onslaught. So glad I pretty much fly under the radar, with my little blog. Your attitude is beyond amazing. The best thing about the High Road? It is so much more pleasant than slogging through the mud and muck wherein the haters trod.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even get a chance to post on the 7th - too busy with the Listen to Your Mother show & my own actual elderly mother & (SN) kids... and then my computer got sick & had to go visit the Mac Doctor. But I'm going to toss something up on my blog today that I've been planning to for 3 days - linking to your post and another.
Because EVERY day is a day to say the word to end the word. Ya know?
It infuriates me that people would make comments like that. Who the hell are these people??
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but good for you and I strongly support your message here. Stay strong, you are awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou're a good human being, Ellen! So much better than those bleep bleep bleep bleeps who left those comments.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for them too - they could learn a lot from our kids. Because those bleep bleep bleep bleeps are the ones who are the real burden to society.
~ Lisa
Hi Ellen, I read some of the comments, I literally got bored. It's such an uphill battle it seems with so many people, I don't believe they even read the article anyway.
ReplyDeletegroup 1 "I want to say whatever I like because I behave like a 5yr old" so many are going on about how you "can't ban a word" blah blah blah. That is not what you said anyway!
group 2 "I have a dictionary stuffed up my..." quote definitions of "retarded" believing it's accurate in reference to people (I don't agree, my son is not delayed or slow he is different, intellectual disability is more accurate), this group also ignores the use of it as a pejorative (maybe pejorative isn't in their dictionary)
group 3 "I'm completely soulless and care about no one", these people scare the crap out of me, they really are sad sad people.
Keep writing, there will always be some people who are willing to listen and change.
Yes! That's the right attitude, Ellen!! And for the teen girl who hated in her comment... I pray now for the child she may have one day.
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I proudly stand with you. You're an amazing mom & champion for our kiddos!
ReplyDeleteEllen, thanks for this. My 65-yr old brother is struggling in his seniors group. His intellectual ability is higher than most of the group, and the staff is sarcastic with him. I guess they think he can't see it. After a lifetime of bullying, my sister and I won't tolerate any more. He expressed an opinion about a singer, and they called the singer "a moron." Can you imagine? He bleeds like everyone else.
ReplyDeleteOh Ellen, I have been reading your blog for a while and well you and Max are amazing. I hope I can be half as good of a mom as you are. These comments just make me so mad and its true these people are so ignorant, mean spirited and we should just pity them. They are the drain on our society stop spreading hate and go make a difference with your life.
ReplyDeleteAll you can do is pity the people who use the word "retard" as a negative term. They are clearly the ones who are stupid, since they don't even know what that word means. I also have a son who is intellectually delayed, and I teach students who have intellectual disabilities. I'd rather hang out with them on any given day than most neurotypical people I come across. And I'd be honored to meet your son Max. He sounds like a pretty awesome kiddo.
ReplyDeleteOK....I agree with some of the comments posted BUT here is my viewpoint on the word "retarded". It is not the word that is wrong..it is how and when the word is used that can be wrong.....Retard when used in music means to slow down the tempo. That is a perfectly correct term to use in that situation. My son is developmentally delayed and his delays are Mental retardation, CP, hypoplastic optic nerves and a seizure disorder. I have no problem with educators, medical personal etc using the term retarded to discribe Jimmy's condition. To me that is a correct use of the term. However I do not think the the term "retard" or "you are retarded" should be allowed to be used as a slur. I realize that my opinion is probably not very PC but this is just the way that I feel. I do educate people on the correct way to use the "R" word.
ReplyDeleteAww, This is So Sad!! I use the word "retarded" like 'This is retarded.. Why do we have so much homwork?' Well, while reading this I have noticed how much those words mean to people like your son..
ReplyDeleteI hope he stays strong. <3 Love, Victoria, 12 years old
Those ignorant comments you shared just made me sick to my stomach. How are there still people who think that way in 2012?? It just breaks my heart to think someone would think of my daughter, or Max, or any of our beautiful children this way. So very sad...
ReplyDeleteThe Internet seems to allow people to lose manners and reason. Amazingly rude.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. Thank you for being so strong and spreading to the world how amazing Max and all special needs children are.
ReplyDeleteLove it. This entry just made my heart happy. Good way to take anger and turn it into something "productive" without hate.
ReplyDeleteIn honor of the victory dance my 10 year old has taught my toddler, I hold my fingers in the air and cheer to you "Go Ellen, Go Ellen....shake your booty, shake your booty!!!!" Yeah, it's pretty funny seeing his little 3 y/o bum wiggling as he exhibits his overwhelming pride ;-)
ReplyDeleteI too feel blessed to stand hand in hand with you and your advocacy of this issue!!
Stephanie, how did you know I've been dancing around the house, shaking my booty?
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm doing is the same thing we ALL do for our kids: Trying to make this world a better place for them. WE ARE ALL AMAZING. I find strength in Max. And caffeine.
I'm choosing pity because it's a much easier place to operate from than anger and because so many of these commenters aren't smart enough to deserve anger.
Emma W, I snorted about the bad grammar. My favorite is when someone writes "Your retarded." Other Emma, yes, the commenters do tend to fall into those categories. It is also telling how many commenters hide behind anonymity. Weenies.
crabbylady, FYI, the term "mental retardation" is an outdated (and pejorative) term. In 2010, Congress eradicated its use in all federal laws; 43 states have similar legislation or are considering it. A whole lot of doctors and professionals no longer use it. And so, I disagree when you say that you are teaching people about a "right" way to use the r-word. There is no right way. It's demeaning, period.
Oh Ellen. It makes me cry reading that.
ReplyDeleteIt's so right that the whole commenting function on news pieces brings out the loonies and the people least likely to give careful thought to something.
I'm so glad you did put yourself out there. It takes guts. There are many who would like us to be silenced.
Thank you Ellen! I was so thrilled when I saw your video in Lisa Belkin's column. xo
So sad that people really have it in them to spew comments like that. I think your video is beautiful & honestly, I have used the R word in the past, but as a mother & now somewhat mature adult, I can see the hurt it causes. I will not use it again & teach my children not to either. By the way, I love your blog! It always makes me think of my mother-in-law who has a blind, developmentally delayed son (my husband's older brother) & all the struggles & challenges she has been through with that. I imagine it would have been so helpful to her to have such ready access to other parents of special needs children. Now she does not even own an answering machine let alone a computer, so I don't think she'll be seeing this but if she could, I know she would love it! Keep up the great writing & pity the haters. Nothing more you can do.
ReplyDeleteOnce again you find the words. Max and children like my youngest son are a blessing and a miracle and just as much a person as any other.
ReplyDeleteWORD! Right there with you...
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting yourself out there. You are 'some kind of wonderful'.
G
Focusing on the word "retard" is nothing but a misguided attempt to protect a child from the meaning it conveys. I say misguided, not because there's something wrong with your goal (or anything good about mocking such children) but because you are essentially trying to build barriers around language.
ReplyDeleteThere is no magical safe word that can't be twisted into an insult. There's no perfect phrase or description that can't be made into a mark of shame. I sympathize with your desire to protect kids, I truly do, but it's an impossible goal.
Definately taking the right stance on this one....it's the best way to deal with hatred and ignorance! You go Ellen!!! Keep up the long, hard fight and we'll be here with you!
ReplyDeleteAnon Y Mous: I'm guessing you don't know me, but speaking out against a word is just one thing I do for my son. I blog every day to raise awareness about kids with special needs and help people understand their awesomeness. I talk him up in real life, too.
ReplyDeleteI am not naive; I do not think changing one word will change perceptions. But talking about it gets the conversation started about children and adults like my son. Also: It's one thing I can do, and I will do every single thing I can to help my son.
Wow. I can't believe people said those things.
ReplyDeleteYou and this campaign were the inspiration for what I posted yesterday. I am ashamed to admit that I was an "R" word user when I was younger. But because of blogging I have thankfully put it behind me. Because I understand how hurtful and offensive I can be now.
I love this campaign and I hope my post brought some understanding for people who still say it.
Only people who don't have children with disabilities would say rude comments like that. So I will pity them right along with you because they will never understand what kind of blessings we were given.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe that people would lash out like this. I am very much saddened by their comments. You are a wonderful person who fights for her son's rights. And that makes you the most caring, compasionate, honest person out there. Keep blogging, keep pushing forward. It is all for Max. You have my support.
ReplyDeleteMom of Payton 2 yrs old with Retinoblastoma, 13Q deletion.
Stephanie Flaig
I noticed your post on CNN and was thrilled that you, and Max were being acknowledged - the venomous haters baffle me with their ignorance and prejudice. Your grace and focus on Max shines through and the sheer joy he brings to the world cannot be denied. The ignorant love company and as empty vessels they do love to make noise. Ignore them and I hope that your supporters will continue to speak up and drown them out. As for the R word like the disgusting S for Spaz which as the mother of a quadriplegic I abhor it has been hijacked and corrupted and should be eliminated from media and standard use.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ellen. I am in your army.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading other articles about your crusade and the ignorant responses appall me. The justification that they grew up with the term and won't stop using it is inexcusable. There are most certainly other pejorative terms about other portions of the population that people do not use anymore (that at one time people grew up with) which a person would be vilified for using today. This is no different. The r word is offensive regardless if it's not being used as a clinical description or not.
Keep up the good work. I'm with ya.
I must say, I couldn't bring myself to read all the ignorant and hate-filled comments on CNN.com. I am with you on feeling pity for them, but I can't express the pit in my stomach I had reading your post. The outrage I feel upon reading some of these individuals' comments is indescribable. But moreso I almost feel ashamed to be part of the same species. I am embarrassed for them, and truly feel sorry for them. What an empty existence these people with no empathy or common decency must be leading. My heartfelt support and admiration for you, Ellen—for standing tall and proud, for living a life filled with love... Your writing is opening many people's minds and just inspiring so many others. Thanks for continuing to do what you do. And I think I can say with confidence all your loyal readers truly love "that Max" of yours, and that mom of his.
ReplyDeleteI actually had a man roll his window down and yell "Go back in the house! You're too fat to be outside". And then honk at me as he drove away. And that was the first week I was trying to get out there and walk to help myself lose weight. I mean what is up with some people, right? Is it their personal mission in life to kick others? It's one thing to have someone say something about me but to say it about your children!! AH! Mother bear claws coming out right now! I totally feel for you having to read those comments in regards to your precious and beautiful son. But you are SO right. Feel sorry for them. Pity them. Because the truth is they are lost in darkness. In some kind of sickness. They have to be. Why else would their venom be spilling out of them like that? Keep doing what you're doing. Bringing awareness. You're a great mom!
ReplyDeleteHey Ellen-thanks for the blog- thanks for the video!
ReplyDeleteWe are all speaking of it, about Max and his mom...and reflecting on how rich our lives are as a result of these wonderful children who have entered our lives.
we stand beside you - and them-cheering!
Have a better day!
I notice people lash out the most when they are caught doing something they know is wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great piece that you did.
ReplyDelete...and I think as tempting as it is to go the other direction with pity, pity ends up being too close to really caring.
It's like the difference between love and hate. There isn't much of one in the end: the true opposite of love/hate is apathy.
And the most powerful weapon here is, in my opinion, not pitying people but rather just not caring about what they think. Realizing that they are on a certain course (one that I am glad I am not on) in their lives, but releasing that care, that emotion, that desire to connect/influence/change.
Just not caring.
Perhaps that is often easier said that done, especially when people are saying things about the sparks of light in our lives, things that we know are not true and we want to rise up and be quick to defend, do something.
But I do think it's the most powerful weapon. Continuing to act and advocate and move forward ourselves, yes, and at the same time, to simply tune out the people that are on a different course. Let them be the silly mosquitoes they are and not bother with them at all, in any way, shape or form. They just want blood.
Max is very lucky to have such a strong and amazing mother. Not many people (including myself) can put themselves out there to stand up against such a hateful word – especially in such a public way. Your video and this post are not only fighting for your special Max but also for my little Lilly when I am not always brave enough to stop people from using that hateful word. Thank you from all the special needs mom's out there for showing us true strength and honesty. I hope you will spend more time reading these positive posts vs. the ignorant posts from people that haven't been blessed to have something a little different in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI get upset when I read page after page of comments like the ones the CNN article got, but not because I take them personally. I get depressed because we have come to such a state in this society that SO many people have no moral boundaries. They think everything is fodder for what passes as humor, and humor is nothing but insults and putdowns. Whatever happened to respect and decency? But your decision to put yourself out there, to advocate for all our kids, is a courageous one, and I'm glad you can deal with those commenters more positively than I can.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Ellen! There's no rhyme or reason to why people feel compelled to spread such ugliness online (I think anonymity has something to do with it). Best to keep in mind that there are also people who have been both educated and "radicalized" by posts like yours.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting your video about the R word. It is a wonderful video and I posted it the other day on my FB page. I thought it was exciting when I saw that it made it to CNN. I am so sorry there is such ignorant people out there. We must just continue to educate and feel pitty for those who have such hate. I am so happy to have found your blog and love hearing about Max. My son has cp also but he is at the level of an infant. But he brings me such joy. I have learned so much from him and his life is just as valuable as any one else. Please keep up the good work. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting your video of Max. It is a wonderful testament to the hurtfulness of the R word. I posted it the other day on my FB page. I was excited when I saw that it made it to CNN. I am shocked that so many people wrote hateful comments. I am sorry you had to read that but I am so amazed at your response. You are a wonderful advocate! Keep of the good work. I am glad to have found your blog. My son has cp but he is at the level of an infant. He is my joy and has taught me so much. His life is just as important as any one else. I look forward to more posts about Max!! Thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add that, while I respect your passion on this issue, I tend to agree with crabbylady. I hate the use of "retard" as an insult, but I see the term "mental retardation" as simply a medical term that means slow mental development. From what I can tell from my reading, it was not created with pejorative intent (correct me if I'm wrong). It was meant to be a more benign replacement for the pejorative terms "feebleminded," imbecile, idiot, etc, which were previously used in medical literature.
ReplyDeleteWe have many medical terms that have been corrupted and appropriated to become insults. Should we get rid of the word "spastic" because people say, "You're such a spaz!" Should we get rid of the terms "schizophrenic" or "psychotic" because people call each other "schizo" or "psycho?"
Wikipedia describes the attempt to change the labels this way: "The terms used to describe this condition (mental delay) are subject to a process called the euphemism treadmill. This means that whatever term is chosen for this condition, it eventually becomes perceived as an insult." I would say that the key to getting off this "euphemism treadmill" is to create a social climate in which people with intellectual disabilities are respected, so that whatever term is used is not perceived as an insult.
Yup, as well as the people who are TOO selfish to give up using a word-- seriously, when there's THOUSANDS of words out there to use? Yeah, I actually believe ignorance is a worse "disability"- especially if you can choose to let go of your ignorance and you choose NOT to change. We're all self-actualizing beings, but some people are stuck in stasis. ---- them- they are the ones who will suffer in the end, because I'll tell you this - I won't be friends with someone who doesn't respect other people and in the end that's all that really matters. Respecting each other for who we are and what we CAN become.
ReplyDeleteIt's frustrating, Ellen, but you ARE making a dent! :)
Good for you! You are sooo right and I know all of this and truly believe it. Admittingly it does still hurt me a little that there are some in this world that will always be so completely ignorant to our wonderful kids. But it is what it is and I'm not going to let it get me down. (And I'll probably read this post a few more times for reinforcemnt!)
ReplyDeleteOh Ellen, I always say I need a tattoo on my forearm that says "Don't Read the Comments" because of how evil Internet commenters can be when they hide behind anonymity. (I say this to everyone, everywhere.) My husband came running to me excitedly because he saw you (and he only knows you through me/my Facebook postings and so on!) on CNN - I believe you got through to so many more people on a positive level than those few awful horrible people. Brava for this post. (PS I love when people try to explain that word away as a proper musical term. The proper musical term is spelled ritard and pronounced slightly differently, though it shares a root, I believe. Oy.)
ReplyDeleteEllen,
ReplyDeleteI'll identify myself as Anonymous1, to make this convo slightly easier. I don't think you're naive, nor do I see your efforts to change the use of a word as existing in a vacuum. Please understand, I support your efforts to create discussion around the issue of how the term is used and to stand up for your son.
My point is somewhat different. You told crabbylady that "the term "mental retardation" is an outdated (and pejorative) term."
I'm curious if you've ever seen this article:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2001/07/the_r_word.html
It's a useful description of how doctors have struggled with and replaced various terms in an attempt to find words that *aren't* pejorative. Inevitably, what happens is that terms are adopted by the medical profession, become widely used, and are turned into insults.
If the "retard" issue strikes too close to home, consider how the polite term to refer to "persons of color" has evolved since the 18th century. There was a time when "colored" was polite, as was "Negro." "Black" followed Negro in the late 60s/early 70s, and was supplemented (though not replaced) by "African-American."
In every case, new words were created because old ones were seen as denegrating or belonging to an older generation that didn't identify with the needs/desires of the new.
I'm not arguing that retard is a good word, because as you've stated, it has a pejorative meaning. My point is that in 20 years, we'll all be right back here again, arguing for a new change because the old one has become an insult. This sort of linguistic evolution doesn't confront the larger problem -- the real issue is what people mean when they say retard, or moron, or imbecile -- not an intrinsic characteristic of the word itself.
People can be so hateful on the Internet. You're right; they must be hurting. I am glad to see you rising above it. I'm sure it hurt you, but I hope that feeling won't last. :-)
ReplyDeleteHumble...That's the first word that comes to my mind. I have a daughter who has a learning disability and it hasn't been easy. After her mom and I broke up a couple of years ago it has been hard to get my daughter the support that I knew she needed. She always just passed to the next grade but I knew something just wasn't right. After failing last year and myself fighting with the school to have her passed to the next grade was tough. I requested they pass her but with "services" from an IEP. I finally got the IEP but it has been tough. With virtually no help from her mother I have been fighting to help improve her education. It's not easy when I can only see her every other weekend. My only true wish is for her to be able to say one day: "Even though my mom and dad wasn't together, my dad was always there". Through it all, I'm Blessed. Blessed with the opportunity to care for a child, my child with a learning disability. I believe that God gave her to me because he believes that I am best fit to be a father to her. As hard as it is, I love the fact that she will know that daddy loves her no matter what. Thank you for having this blog and thank you to all who wants nothing simply more but just to be a loving parent. At this point I am not a person who goes to church regularly but what I do is that my God will never give you more than you can bear.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. Your child is very lucky to have such a strong mother :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up I used that word, but only because I had no idea what it was really referring to. I don't use it now because whether people want it to or not it has taken on a negative connotation. Those who can't grow up and show some respect will eventually reap their reward. Your son is a blessing, not only to your family but now to all of us who get to read about him on your blog. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteGood for you. What asshats! It's amazing how cruel people can be. It's so sad there's so much hatred in this world.
ReplyDeleteAwesome video, it almost made me cry. I don't understand why people don't go by the saying 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.'
ReplyDeleteThank you Ellen for standing up for all those with special needs!!! We need more mom's (and people) like you!!!
ReplyDeleteYou GO girl!!!.....and thanks. :)
ReplyDeleteDeborah
I'm sorry that so many people were so mean. I read that article, and I was very, very proud of you for writing it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a special needs parent - I'm a law student in a special education advocacy class, and have been following your blog for a while.
You realize that your last comment on Max has great import in Buddhism. He is one who's soul has been enlightened. Is this irony?
ReplyDeleteI am gonna IGNORE them Ellen. People who do stuff like that want attention, that's why they make a scene, and I am not gonna give it to them.
ReplyDeleteHey, look at this in the Boston MASS paper--is this cool or what?
http://articles.boston.com/2012-03-04/metro/31119794_1_bar-mitzvah-ipad-prayers
Screw the a-holes, live well, it is the best revenge!
I agree with many people to say that you and Max, are amazing. The reasons I think people have such hateful things to say are because they want attention, and also because they are afraid of anything or anyone who is different.
ReplyDeleteChange/difference makes people uncomfortable. I have CP and my "difference" makes people uncomfortable. I see it every day in the stares I get when I'm out in public. I hear it in whispers, and comments.
I have heard children ask their parents why I walk funny or why I'm different. Some older children have asked if I'm retarded.
Some parents say nothing, others try to gently explain that my legs don't work so well, and that's why I use crutches. Or they encourage their children to say hello and ask me themselves. (I greatly applaud these open minded parents!)
I hope that sometime soon, the word retarded will be completely phased out of the vernacular, and I'm glad there are people like you out there spreading the word against it.
Amen sister! I agree wholeheartedly that people who spew forth venom are clearly full of it, and have to live with it all the time. They are to be pitied, their lives are not as rich and full of the beautiful variety of life as ours are. I too have been frustrated when people focus on what may or may not have caused my daughter's unique skill set. When they focus on whose "fault" it is, they imply there is something wrong with her, and such is not the case. She has the kindest, most empathetic heart I've ever met, and I wouldn't trade her in for one of those soul-less commenters for anything.
ReplyDeleteYour video made me cry.
ReplyDeleteIts not a word i personally use and I tell off people who use it in my or my childrens company, I however do not understand the outpouring of hate If a person tried to explain to me how a word i did use made them feel bad, surely a normal persons response is to apologise not defend themselves and be spiteful to you.
stay strong don't let the obviously lacking in humanity people get you down.
You rock. Max rocks. Great attitude you have. There is nothing that will upset me faster than than comment sections on posts like yours. You are the better person. For sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you for speaking for so many of us, and for so many of our amazing kids that can't speak for themselves. As for the haters, pitying them is absolutely the best way to go -- they clearly need more help than we can give them.
ReplyDeleteyou are awesome.
ReplyDeleteJust FYI......ICD-9 codes are the codes that medical personnel and hospitals and insurance companies use to code for payment to insurance companies...including not only private companies but also Medicare and Medicaid. they ICD-9 codes are still using Mental Retardation as a code...
ReplyDeleteNot many of us could handle the hatred. I just get angry and upset... pitying them, however, seems the best way forward. Good on you.
ReplyDeleteSpread the word to end the R-Word. Thanks for sharing this message for our children.
ReplyDeleteYes they all are haters when u would rather have a simple word, which u can ignore, banned. Its fine if u ask people not to say it to ur son or others like him, but going against evrybody else is RETARDED. Its just a word. Also because this whole movement happen, people have been using the word more. Ur plan worked. So don't be calling others stupid when ur bright idea backfired. And people are going to get mad if u try to restrict try. How would u like no religious freedom or freedom of press, which u r obviously using? And don't say others are careless. U r the one that didn't bother to think about others, only ur son. so just chill with the name calling. Ps I will nvr stop saying the word RETARDED RETARDED RETARDED RETARDED
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't necessarily believe that we should completely eliminate the word retarded from our vocabulary, I love to see parents like you! Max and Sabrina are SOOOOO lucky to have a mom like you! The people who continue to make such ugly comments are clearly ignorant and have not taken the time to get to know anyone with any sort special needs! If they had they would know that they are human beings just like you and me and have feelings, they love, are compassionate, funny, and have an innocence to be admired! My older sister, who has Down's, was not raised any differently than my oldest sister and me... because she is not different than us. She simply learns differently and slower than us... and is a bit shorter. :) She is not a nuisance to my family or society! NO ONE has the right to say that our kids/family/friends are a nuisance to society! My parents cared for my sister, the only thing anyone else in this country helped pay for was her public education... and my parents and I are helping pay for your kids educations as well. Hopefully their teachers will teach them compassion.
ReplyDeleteI am often shocked by the things people will say in response to articles online. It's really easy to say nasty, ignorant things when you don't have to divulge your identity. I am so grateful for your perspective and admire you for putting yourself out there! You are a voice for many!
ReplyDeleteA special Ed teacher posted something offensive on her Facebook. This sickens me.
ReplyDelete