How to annoy your child with special needs (and do him good)

Step 1: Decide that you are going to help your child overcome his fear of ____. Sure, your child may have never gone to, say, a movie theater because the booming sound and dark scare the heck out of him, but hmmm... How about a DRIVE-IN movie theater? Perhaps that could do the trick. Experience has shown that once you find a way to push past the fear, your child usually realizes how enjoyable things are.

Step 2: Pick a movie your child will love, such as Cars 2. Find a drive-in movie theater and make a pilgrimage there. Cruise in to scope out the scene as your child wails-screeches in the back seat and vehemently shakes his head "NO."

Step 3: Leave the scene of the crime and go have dinner. Make it a complete drive-in evening and take the family to a drive-in eatery so you never, ever have to leave the comfort of your minivan! Realize that you have become extremely suburban. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Step 4: Return to the drive-in movie theater as your child screams in the back seat. Worry that he may someday require therapy for this, a new form of child abuse.

Step 5: Stick fingers in ears.

Step 6: Grab a spot close to the screen. Put car DVD player on. As movie starts, be the only car in the lot, and perhaps in the history of drive-ins, to simultaneously have a movie playing on the DVD at the same time. Wonder what the people behind you are thinking. Decide that you do not give a crap.

Step 7: Watch with deep, deep satisfaction as child suddenly realizes that it's Cars 2 playing up on there on the screen, calms down and watches contentedly.

Step 8: Fall asleep from emotional exhaustion; wake up as movie credits roll and child says "MORE!"