The comments on Disability Scoop were mostly of the puh-leeze variety. "How about a Human Being Day?" one person remarked. Some pointed out they'd prefer financial support rather than a day that celebrates what we do for our kids. One mom said it made her feel like people think her son is a "hardship" and she needs to be honored simply because he exists.
I agree with all that, and also think this would be a Not Good Thing because it would further segregate us as parents. I have enough of that already in my life—moms who pity me, moms who think I am totally not like them because I have one kid with a disability, moms who have known me since my son was born who quit having playdates with us.
This is not a woe-is-me reflection; I have plenty of friends who see me as being like any other mom. And I'd like to keep things that way. I have no desire to be held up on a pedestal for having a kid with disabilities. I'm just a mom who's doing the best she can. Besides, I already have a day honoring me: it's called Mother's Day, and it's enough.
Your thoughts?
I agree kinda sorta... still on the fence, lol. I totally agree with every single thing you've said, and even got a little sour feeling in my stomach thinking about it. However, I also think depending on how they do it, it may be a good thing. Not the whole I am a better mom aspect but I am always up for anything that brings awareness. Too bad its usually controversial. I mean if the day included Discounts, Respite, Free night out for Couples raising SN kids, free healthcare for the day... then heck yeah, who am I to complain. But if its just an alternative Mothers Day... than your right... how is that suppose to do anything but segregate us more!
ReplyDeleteThe problem, now, is, Jane's Mom, that 'awareness' is over-priced - or people believe it is helpful/important when 'awareness' publicity is a double-edged sword. People are just as likely to respond as Ellen said - with pity, etc.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of price, with all our problems why is Congressional time(=money) being spent on declaring any day 'special'?
Thanks for the shout-out, Ellen. You are some wonderfulness, too!
Barbara
I agree with Barbara; why on earth are we spending time and money on this sort of stuff when we have millions of people out of work, on the verge of foreclosures, etc. I'd rather see the efforts go into creating some sort of legislation which would allow for partial coverage of respite care, certain types of therapies and expenses which are usually borne out of pocket by families, often at the risk of their homes and family's well being.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Barbara and Niksmom. First of all, every day is "Special Needs Parents Day" for us. Secondly, the idea has very little to do with raising awareness. Instead, it will likely lead others to pity us for the burden they think we carry. We all know that those of us with children who have special needs often have to work ten times harder than parents of children with typical development, but we don't need to be put on pedestals for it. I feel confident in saying that our children are reward enough for all of our hard work.
ReplyDeleteAs Niksmom said, I'd appreciate it a lot more if they put the effort into providing respite care and other federally - funded services for our children. That would help a lot more than a special day for people to pat us on the back and patronize us.
PC run amok!!! It's easier to Make A Day than pass meaningful legislation that addresses the medical issues we deal with, or fund research to aid in prevention for others. If ya just Make A Day, then everyone can pat themselves on the back and pretend that they actually DID something.
ReplyDeleteThanks but no thanks indeed!
I'm too busy with work, making meals, & doing therapy to care if "special needs parents day" is printed on gray on my calendar. If it doesn't mean the office is closed, than the day doesn't do much for me. I would rather Congress get something real done, thanks.
ReplyDeleteI agree totally! Besides, I don't even really celebrate Mother's Day for myself either... instead, I make that day another reason to celebrate and give thanks for my child who made me a mother in the first place.
ReplyDeleteCongress wastes so much time coming up with special "days." For the most part, these days don't really get recognized and are easily forgotten. I mean, do you know when National Ice Cream day is? I sure don't! I don't even know if it actually exists, but I'm guessing it does.
ReplyDeleteI really don't care one way or the other about it because it doesn't affect my life one way or another. It's something Congress votes in, then nothing happens. I personally think Congress should stop wasting time voting on things that nobody knows about later. Complete waste of time.
I agree with you 100%.
ReplyDeleteKristen
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think this deserves a post on my own site as well.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with everything you said. I especially liked how you pointed out that we each already have a day that celebrates our status as Mothers.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention, can you imagine the greeting cards Hallmark would come out with to capitalize on this holiday? Egads.
Contact your congressman/woman.
ReplyDeleteI say that not to give you another thing to do - but just the idea if you choose. Blogging about this is effectively getting the message out, too. (Woot! Ellen and Paul!) Which gives me the idea of substituting a note to your congressman for some blogging-time. Barbara
I agree with you 100%. I'm a mom. period. There is nothing "special" about my parenting skills. You know what I would love? If Congress would declare a, "Politicians will quit arguing & actually accomplish something positive for this country Day"
ReplyDeleteI hadn't even heard about this, but since I never watch the news I guess I can't be surprised...
ReplyDeleteit's a touchy subject...I don't want to be seen as some wonderful person who needs a shoutout because I take care of a child with Down Syndrome...she's mine and I care for her like I do any other of my kids...awareness for all children with disabilities needs to be out there, but via a holiday...prob not the best route...
although any day where I am showered with gifts isn't such a bad deal...haha
I think if it was done right it could be great. I take care of sn kids in foster care situations and it is a sad fact that many parents give up on their kids because they are too ''difficult'' to raise. It should be a celebration...parents of sn kids are doing a great job. But I also get that there is no need to pity or feel sorry for us. And that being a mother of any child is hard and deserves praise...hence Mother's Day. But Congress has more important things to worry about
ReplyDelete"Some pointed out they'd prefer financial support rather than a day that celebrates what we do for our kids."
ReplyDeleteAgreed!
Or how about an insurance honesty day. What the policy promises to cover they actually cover.
I'm not a huge fan of the idea but I'm also not totally against it. I've always wondered if our responses to topics such as this are in part related to the severity of the disability of our child. For example my son has Ds but is really health and very high functioning. I have never felt that people have pitied me because Riley has Ds. Though a friend of mine has a child that also has Ds but has severe health issues and she gets the pity card a lot. I struggle to put our parenting experience in the same catagory. As moms we all do what needs to be done for our kids but that is so different for all of us.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that this type of a day is the way to build awareness but I also have a hard time being against something that would put our story out in front of people again so that they can see that Riley isn't so different than their own kids.
I don't need a holiday, where people think I need gifts or special treatment. Logan is the best gift of all. I agree with not wanting to be more alienated. Why is it so hard for the powers that be to have a Celebrate Our Kids day? Note the lack of "Special Needs" between 'our' and 'kids'. Special needs or not.. they are still our children!That is all.
ReplyDeleteI agree. We don't need a National Special Needs Parent Day. We do what we have to do because it has to be done not because we are better than any other parent or need to be recognized for doing our job as parents. I truly do not like being singled out because I happen to be the parent of a child with special needs.
ReplyDeleteMajority says, nuh-uh. It'll probably never take off, although you never know. And it does happen, we can all get together and do something really un-special-needs-mom-like on National Special Needs Parent Day like, I dunno, a wet t-shirt contest.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Don't need and I don't want it. I don't need total strangers feeling sorry for me. Quite the contrary. And I also agree that with everything going on with unemployment, the economy, etc. time is better spent on more important issues.
ReplyDeleteBut Ellen, being a dad ( not that I speak for all dad's ) I am sure your husband would not balk at your idea of a wet t-shirt contest instead. Ha!
:: K
Can't stand this. Last thing I need is some special day where everybody can pat themselves on the back for being "aware." Meanwhile, what does that actually do? I'm thinking nothing. It's a waste of time, which is a wast of money.
ReplyDeleteUGH. I'm with you. I know what my life is like. But no one else lives it and I call it passive awareness. Like, they think they are doing a good thing and who really gives a sh*t because I'm still cleaning up the messes, dealing with therapies and tantrums and the like. And not getting any sleep. Wanna know what I want? AUTISM BILLS and disability waivers signed into every single freaking state. Forget the stupid day, get the legislation through and help the dang kids.
ReplyDeleteWhile its a great concept to recognize all of the extra that moms of special needs kids have to do and encounter, how about instead of making a BS Holiday that will soon become a tool of Hallmark, Kay Jewelers and the floral people how about really honoring these parents by having the freaking health insurance cover all the therapies and equipment that you need.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe have every playground be an accessible playground, or maybe make it a day where all museums,aquariums, etc are only open to special needs kids so the parents who want to take their children on an outing can do so without the stress of the parents of 'normals' staring or making comments when their kids are just being kids.
Please add, 'and dads' to my comments, I don't want to leave the awesome dads and other caretakers out either.
ReplyDeleteI like national talk like a pirate day but I was just busy trying to fight my way into the moms camp, and then I get sent down the hall to the "other" camp?
ReplyDeleteYou make some good points, and I am first and foremost a mom like any mom. But I'm a little surprised. After all, it was your top 10 reasons special needs mom rock that I started reading this blog (and started identifying myself as a special needs mom). I don't need anyone in government patting me on the back, but it is nice to have someone say "good job - we know you work really hard" once in a while
ReplyDeleteWhat I'd really like to see is a special education teacher's day. They are a deserving bunch.
No thanks, yuck is my first thought..instead of making themselves feel good Congress should take this occasion to fully fund the IDEA and extend it through post secondary and graduate school education.
ReplyDeleteJennie, I DO think we rock! And I obviously am cool with ID-ing as a special-needs mom (hello, blog). But I personally don't like the idea of a formal day recognizing us to the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteCame back to offer this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.myspecialks.com/2008/07/monday-moment-for-down-syndrome-dont.html "Don't Pity Me."
Barbara, that's a great poem, thx for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat about band director day? Band directors work harder than other teachers.
ReplyDeleteHow about Insert Purpose Here Day?
ReplyDelete