My wedding china (and other formerly important stuff)

Looking back, it's amazing we didn't break up over the wedding china. I'd insisted Dave participate in the bridal registry. He'd dutifully trail along to various department stores as I picked out towels, small appliances, vases and platters, posh salt and pepper shakers. I buzzed around, excited by thoughts of the wedding, the home we'd be setting up, our future; Dave just wanted to know when we could go have dinner. Choosing the china nearly broke him. We hadn't had a formal set in my own home growing up, and I wasn't sure about any of it—pattern? Color? 12 pieces? 8 pieces? Did I definitely need the gravy boat?

Dave finally lost it at Michael C. Fina. "I don't care what we eat off! The floor would be FINE!" he said in the most annoyed tone of voice I'd ever heard him use. I got the hint. But I still made him pick out serving utensils and, yep, we got the gravy boat. I was beyond Bridezilla—I was Brideosaurus Rex.

I was thinking about that day tonight as I put away the china I'd taken out for our Thanksgiving feast, the set I hadn't used since Max was born. It seems mind-boggling that I'd found picking dishes to be a stress-making task. Dishes.

I'm sure it's this way for plenty of parents. We look back at pre-kid times and marvel at how "carefree" life was and the trivial stuff we obsessed over and we think, Wow, what fluffheads we were. As a mom of a kid with disabilities, I'm sure I romanticize life then even more. It all seems so lightweight compared to the heavyweight concerns I have now. Although the gravy boat still gets me a little excited.

I finished stacking the dishes and shut the closet door. Max was hanging in the living room; I scooped him up to get him ready for bed, and he nestled his head in my neck and breathed in, that sweet thing he does when he's content. And then, I wasn't thinking about anything else except the pleasures of my present.

How about you: What kind of things get you sentimental about your former life?

Best toys for kids with special needs: holiday gift edition

As we all know—because we're objective that way—we're the best experts when it comes to our kids. So who better to recommend great toys? Thanks for all of the suggestions! This list is not the ultimate guide, but it's a good roundup of toys that help kids with special needs. I'm not including recommended ages because what works for your child's developmental stage works. I'm not including a lot of stuff from companies that make toys for kids with special needs because I think they can be rip-offs, and standard-issue toys can be similarly helpful. I'm not including prices because they vary. Happy shopping!

TOYS THAT HELP PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

Playhut Magic Ball Zone: Max used to have a blast hanging out in here. He'd practice crawling around, try to grasp the balls and generally, er, have a ball.

Rody Inflatable Hopping Horse: "Great for balance and strengthening muscles," says Kerry, mom to two boys with cerebral palsy.

Stomp Launcher: Also helpful for balancing; we wore this one down over the summer. Comes with two rockets. Good luck finding them in your backyard.

Step 2 Up & Down Roller Coaster: This was Max's addiction for several years, and though he's outgrown it anytime we're at someone's house and they have it, he gets extremely excited. It really helped with trunk control and balance; eventually, he was able to coast on it all by himself. Good for indoors and outdoors. Not cheap ($102), but it's indestructible. Be warned: If you have two kids, they will do battle over it. Also, they will be very unhappy if you insist on taking turns, too.

Baby's First Wind Chimes by Tiny Love: Hang from a baby activity mat to encourage (and strengthen) leg control and eye-foot/eye-hand coordination.

Fisher-Price Smart Cycle Racer Physical Learning Arcade System: "This is a stationary bike that you hook up to your TV and there are lots of games with well-known characters," says Kiera Beth, Reichen's mom. "Since it is stable, it's been a great place for Little Dude to learn to pedal and use both legs in tandem to make it move. Plus he has to steer it for some of the games, which means he needs to incorporate his hands, also."

Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Fun With Friends Musical Table: So, this is wonderful for fine- motor skills and cognitive development, but it was instrumental in helping Max pull to stand, so I'm including it in this category. Every corner has its own interactive area with lights and sounds that encourage movement and exploration. Teaches letters, numbers, counting, first words, color, shapes, opposites and animals. You can put it on the floor or prop it up on its legs.

Educube Toddler Chair: Not a toy, but really awesome. Max had one as a toddler, recommended to us by his physical therapist. It gave him excellent support, and it didn't matter that it didn't come in purple because he wasn't yet obsessed. When your kids get older, you can turn over the chair for better height. Can also be used as a desk, or a stepstool when you are too lazy to go down to the basement and get yours (but do not sue me if you fall off it, it's not my fault you are lazy, too).

TOYS THAT HELP FINE MOTOR SKILLS/SENSORY DEVELOPMENT

Toysmith Battat Sound Puzzle Box: Max loved this when he was little for the same reason Mikey, a child with Down Syndrome, does: "It's the only shape sorter interesting enough to grab his attention!" says his mom, Alice. "The pieces make a good noise when they go down and you can use them as little instruments to blow through—good for teaching him to use his mouth and breathe."

Aquadoodle Classic Mat: Any of the versions of this mat will encourage drawing. You just fill the pen with water and draw. Or don't—as Alice says, "You can use wet hands, feet, brushes, sponges. And if your child gets bored after three seconds, you don't have a room full of paints to clear up!"

Snap 'n Style Doll: "Elena wanted dolls she could dress, but it's difficult for an adult to get clothes on a Barbie, let alone a five-year-old with 'okay' fine motor skills," says Amy. "We love the Snap 'n Style dolls—they have clothes that snap on the front of the doll, and are easily interchangeable, very easy for a young child to do." Note, the parts are a choking hazard for kids under three. Also, I am not sure Donatella Versace would approve of the outfits.

Alex Toys Catch 'N Stick Monster Mitts: One of the first toys Max and Sabrina could play with together. OK, for like maybe three minutes, but still. Max sometimes needs help pulling the ball off the Velcro.

Gertie Ball: Recommended by Max's occupational therapist, and many others. Easy to catch and hold onto. Available in other colors.

Pathfinder by Anatex: Just guide the beads along a route; your child can do it freeplay, or follow the patterns on the cards. Works on logical thinking, eye-hand coordination and visual tracking. Bonus: no sounds!

Melissa & Doug Cutting Food Box: Comes with eight pieces of wooden food, a wooden knife and a cutting board. Handy for practicing slicing, holding and introducing ideas of part and whole. Will not teach your child to make dinner for you, alas.

Fisher-Price GeoTrax Geo Air High Flyin' Airport: "This is Makenzie's all-time favorite toy, she got it last year for Christmas," says Pam. "Her speech therapist programmed it into her talker and she can make it go and stop all by herself with her switch. She still plays with it a year later!" Here's an amazing video of Makenzie playing with it; Max watched it a bunch of times in a row.

Bright Starts Hop Along Carrier Toy Bar: "One of the first things that landed us in EI was Ryan didn't bat, reach or grab toys," says Marie Clare. "This toy really helped that along as it took the littlest amount of pressure to make something happen, and it didn't take a great amount of aim either. It also really helped him understand cause and effect."

Fisher-Price Sesame Street Singing Pop-Up Pals: "This was great for Max because it encouraged him to use his fingers and it made him giggle a lot," says Dave (aka Max's Dad).

Crayola Beginnings Color Me A Song: "If you color (or even touch) the screen, music plays, and it speeds up as the coloring and touching goes faster," says Jenny, mom to twins Penny and Cici (who has severe brain injury and seizures) and Max. "What a find!"

Manhatan Toy Whoozit: This cutie helped Max grasp and explore when he typically had no interest in doing so. It has rattles, squeakers, crinkly play and lots of different textures. I often give it as a new-baby gift.

Tiny Love Musical Stack & Ball Game: A Max favorite for several years. Drop one of the balls in at the top and it will trigger lights and sounds, then emerge below. Kids can also stack the rings, assuming they do not get lost in the black hole known as your playroom.

Early Years Pound 'n Play: Good for practicing movement and hand-eye coordination. Whacking noise somewhat irksome but hey, it's for a good cause.

Flarp: This glop bills itself as "Noise Putty." It makes a fart-like sound when you play with it, guaranteed to amuse kids and husbands alike. All I know is, it got Max to get past his sensory issues and hold some. Good stocking stuffer. Note, it will stick to your carpet. Again, don't sue me.

Enabling Devices Compact Activity Center: "This is probably Cici's favorite toy, she got it last year for Christmas," says Jenny. I bought this for Max when he was two and I was willing to spend any kind of money to engage him; he liked it lots, too. At $107.95, though, it's pricey.

Tomy Gearation: Another two thumbs-up from Max (or, rather, two fists up as he's not yet isolating his thumbs or, come to think of it, rotating his wrists up so skip that). He loves to put together the gears and watch 'em go; the big switches are easy to control. Nice and mesmerizing for sleep-deprived parents.

Gund Lance Lion: "Mikey still chews everything, so a fluffy cuddly toy is out of the question," says Alice. "We found these Gund ones, which are made of corduroy and felt. When Mikey's arrived, we loved it so much and it was such good quality we've ordered other characters for the rest of our children. That's what they're getting for Christmas! Mikey will have the lion!"

I-Play Little Roadster: Max has a low-tech version of this (basically, a wheel we ripped off some old toy car). This one's cool—turn the wheel to steer the car on screen. Sounds include engine starting, brakes, horn, ambulance, and so on. Thankfully, they left out the part where Daddy curses out other drivers.

TOYS THAT HELP SPEECH DEVELOPMENT

V.Reader Animated E-Book System: Recommended by several parents, it's on our holiday list for Max. We tried the LeapFrog TAG system last year, Max wasn't that interested; this animated toy for encouraging reading skills and improving vocabulary might better grab his attention. One challenge: The keyboard isn't very touch-sensitive. Another challenge: Sabrina's gonna want one, too.

Jigglers: Vibrating thingies. We used to have the elephant one and the gator one; Max liked to hold them (yay) and put them in his mouth (double yay).

Signing Time! DVDs "We watch one a day. My son has a huge vocabulary of signs, even though he doesn't yet speak," says Anne, mom to a two-year-old with Down Syndrome. "He is now teaching his EI therapists new signs. I am sure it helps his mental development, and helps reduce frustration. For example, at around Halloween, he was able to sign 'pumpkin' to tell us he wanted the Jack o' Lantern lit. Rachel, the woman in the videos, has two daughters with special powers. She totally gets it."

Magic Mic: We got ours in the dollar store; it echoes sounds, making whatever's spoken sound louder (no batteries required). We've had one for years but it's bulky to hold—the center is two and a half inches wide—and Max only learned to grasp it recently, with two hands. The other day, he walked around the house babbling into it for a good half hour. Now if we could only teach him to sing Springsteen.

Toobaloo: Alice had just ordered this, but hadn't yet tried it. At five bucks, it's worth a shot. Basically, your child holds it to his hear (or you hold it for him), and it amplifies the sounds of what he's saying. Might be helpful for encouraging babbling/conversation. Available in several colors. Purple one: en route to our home.

Sansa Shaker: Not a toy, but a great gadget. "This player is nice because it's small and has a speaker built in and a card you can fill with music," says Jenny. "You can also put audio kid books on there and because Cici can't see and I'm not always available to read to her, she can listen to books and language/voices without me. And it's small, so I can hook it inside her stroller or on her wheelchair and she can listen. At night, I rest it in her bed. Cici likes opera and other vocalists, so we have a bunch of that on there. I have a friend with a special needs kiddo who takes opera music everywhere with them because it calms him down, like for hospital stays and doctor/lab draws."

TOYS THAT HELP COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT

LeapFrog Hug & Learn Baby Tad Plush: An interactive toy that teaches shapes, colors, activities and songs, and also plays classical music at bedtime. One review plucked from Amazon: "I am a speech-language pathologist and provide Early Intervention services for families and children (birth to three). I first saw this toy in a family's home and was amazed when I observed the child's interaction with the toy. She smiled, vocalized and danced while holding it. Very much fun and I will recommend Tad to other families I work with."

Leapfrog Alphabet Pal: Press any of the legs to hear letter names, sounds, colors or tunes. And, for your child's amusement, it has a silly giggle and a comical walk. Extremely durable. Says Kerry, "This is the toy that refused to DIE, until I broke down and chucked him in the garbage."

Make 'N' Break: You get 10 wooden blocks, a ticking timer and a card showing you what to build in that time. "I like games that require my guys to create and execute a plan," says Jean, mom to Jack (a 7-year-old with autism), Sam and Quinn. "Jack adores the game. It is challenging, but doable. We played with my mother and he legitimately beat her, which was cool. But even when no one else wants to play, he will build the structures on the cards by himself. For a kid who is so into order and logic, the clean lines please him, I think."

Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Learning Puppy: This pup has two interactive modes, learning and games. The first teaches kids the alphabet, body parts and colors. The second has a color song, a counting song and a song that teaches body parts.

The Picnic Game: Kids have to spin to fill up their picnic plate. Encourages use of hands, communication and decision-making ("Which ___ do you want?") and observation ("What do you still need?") and takes about 10 minutes to play—good for short attention spans. Comes with a picnic blanket, but no ants.

AND A FEW GOOD BOOKS!

My Car: This is Max's first favorite book. The illustrations are bright and simple, and so is the wording. All of Byron Barton's books are awesome, especially for kids fascinated by moving vehicles.

Tibby Tried It: An inspiring story about a little bird who has a crooked wing and can't fly—but finds other ways to become a hero and save an endangered baby bird. "The book does talk about other birds making fun of Tibby for his crooked wing," says Lisa, a mom to Evan (an eight-year-old with cerebral palsy and other special powers). "We first read it to Evan before he hit the age where other kids tease. It made him worry about something he had not yet realized could be a problem. But on the other hand, the book is a great jumping-off point for talking about physical differences, how to cope with them, and how others may react."

DK Readers: Big Machines (Level 1: Beginning to Read): We've been reading a lot of books in this series. The text is simple, and more important, Max is totally into the subject (read, anything involving wheels). It's a good launching pad for discussion; I'll ask him yes and no questions, then encourage him to articulate words. I also point out some of the simple sight words he's been working on, like "the" and "go" and "hydraulic combustion engine" (OK, not that).

Snappy Little Farmyard: We had a bunch of books from this series. Max liked to touch the pop-ups and, on occasion, tear them. Which made me psyched because he was at least using his hands. Sad, but true.

Go Away, Big Green Monster! A long-time favorite at our house. As your child turns the pages (and this book really encouraged Max to do that), he can "build" a monster—each pages adds a nose, then hair, and so on. And then your child gets to take the monster apart. Take that, monster!

That's Not My Dinosaur...: All of Usborne's "That's Not My..." series are great—simple words and illustrations, with textures to feel. I did have an identity crisis once when I first read That's Not My Dolly to Sabrina and got to the part where it said, "That's not my dolly—her hair is too frizzy!" I was all, and WHAT is wrong with frizzy hair? Ahem.

The Little Book of Discovery Bottles: "Homemade toys are great; I like some of the ideas from this book," says Alice. "Mikey has always really enjoyed the shaking water bottles filled with stars. Many books in this series are fabulous for play ideas."

Simple First Words: Let's Talk "My daughter, Elizabeth, is 19 months old," says Maria. "She is visually impaired and has cerebral palsy. This is a book she really likes. It has pages with single, bright pictures on it. I can help her to press the buttons to make it talk. She likes to hear that voice on there! I haven't had much luck finding single picture books with bright colors that aren't busy...so we really like this one. Also, we wrap toys in red or gold paper to illuminate them for her. Plus she really likes that crackly crunchy noise!"  

And if you'd like to check out gift guides from other years....

Great toys for kids with special needs 2015
Great toys for kids with special needs 2014
Great toys for kids with special needs 2013
Great toys for kids with special needs 2012
Great toys for kids with special needs 2011

I am so not superwoman. Woo hoo!

The Thanksgiving after Max was born, we started a new tradition: getting our meal from Whole Foods. I was just too overwhelmed with juggling Max's therapies, work and the anxiety to make a big meal for our family. I didn't care about being superwoman; I just wanted to get by and try to relax with family.

Ever since, we've done Whole Foods for Thanksgiving. Sometimes, I make sides, or the family brings some, but we always get the turkey and stuffing from the store. In previous years, I've even used plastic plates (OK, the fancy kind but still, plastic). This year, I did haul out our wedding china. It had dust on it.

Once again, not cooking (and this year, I literally did not make a single thing except folded napkins) enabled me to just enjoy the day with my family. It's sort of become my attitude toward life: I will try to get away with the minimum to be able to enjoy the kids, Dave, my family and life in general to the max (yeah, like this blog used to be called).

Here's my mom and my niece Margo, who isn't yet aware she has an aunt who doesn't cook, but I am sure my sister will break it to her sooner or later. My mom actually prefers Whole Foods over my cooking because she is a smart lady.

Dave does the carving thing. He's great at it; I should hire him out.

How about you guys—did you go all out for Thanksgiving? I'm off to pick at some leftovers. Stuffing, anyone?