Bring on the homework!

Yesterday evening I went to Back To School Night for Max, and something shocking and amazing happened: For the first time ever at one of these events, I didn't cry. It was inspirational, not depressing.

In previous years, the night would start off fine. I'd love to sit in Max's seat (happy I could still fit into a kiddie seat), look at photos of students and the pictures students they had made, hear from everyone how cute and awesome Max is (that, I can never get enough of). But as I'd sit there, listening to the teacher speak and staring at all the special-needs equipment, I'd inevitably choke up and end up sitting with my hands over my eyes so none of the parents could see the tears. The reality was too much.

Not last night.

First, I was thrilled to find out there were a bunch of other verbal kids in Max's class. I'd asked for him to be placed in a class like that because I thought chatty kids would encourage him to talk. I'd e-mailed back and forth with his teacher, who I thought was really nice and knowledgeable, but she was even better in person. The other parents in the class seemed on top of their game.

Max's obsession with purple is legendary at the school; I held a news conference and informed everyone brown is his new favorite color. "Ah, that's why he keeps wearing that I'm The Big Brother shirt," his teacher said, confirming my suspicion that while I was away at the conference Dave had, in fact, let him wear the same shirt three days in a row. Busted!

The only slightly disconcerting thing was that the teacher didn't bring up curriculum plans when she spoke to us; I had to raise my hand and ask what would be happening with reading and math. This year's goals include getting kids to recognize upper and lowercase letters, know the sounds letters make, and recognize sight words. For math, they want kids to be able to learn to sequence and, when they're ready, start on simple addition and subtraction. For a moment, my mind veered to "Wonder what other 7-year-olds in other schools are working on this year" but I yanked it back to the present. It's hard to believe I still do that comparison thing but sometimes, I do.

Last year, I had a long conversation with Max's then-teacher about how keeping parents informed about what was being taught in class, and what we could reinforce at home. I also asked for homework; there's no reason our kids shouldn't get it. I've seen a theme in this school (which I generally think is stellar) and Max's last school (which I didn't think was stellar) that's disconcerting: a tendency not to give homework, for kids or parents.

But by last year, at 6, Max was ready for it. Even more than other kids, ours need learning reinforced at home. Even more than other parents, we need to be in the loop on just how we can help our kids. One of the most important things I learned from Early Intervention is that therapy and education can only go so far; moms and dads have to carry on what the experts do. It's a hell of a responsibility, but it's part of being Chief Everything Officer, especially when you're parenting a kid with special powers. Too bad we don't get bonuses at the end of the year.

That teacher and I came up with a "Learning Link" page she'd send home every week, with info on what she was teaching, activities parents could do and, yes, homework (sorry, kids).

It's handed out on Monday or Tuesday and broken down by subject—Social Skill of the Week, Language Arts, Writing, Math, Science, and then What's happening this week?/Helpful tips for home. There's also a sheet of homework attached, to be returned by Friday.

I'm not saying I do every single thing on that page; I'm lucky if I get to a few. Last weekend, while I was away, Max's Learning Link page got lost in the shuffle and Max didn't do his homework. I am sure teachers get really frustrated by parents who want to engage, and then flake out. I just do the best I can.

Last night, I found out that a lot of the classrooms are doing Learning Link and damn, I was proud. Why didn't I patent it? He, he. As a working mom, I haven't had a lot of time to volunteer at Max's school, which I've felt awful about. But me and this teacher (who's no longer at the school) have left a lasting legacy.

What has your experience been with teachers and their engagement with you/learning at home? Would anyone want a template of the Learning Link page, to share at their school?