I faked it at Mary Kay

I went to a Mary Kay party tonight, my first one. A very cool local mom is a sales consultant, she has a kid with special powers, and I wanted to hang with her.

The thing is, I barely wear any makeup. Sheer face powder and lipstick, that's it, and blush on occasion (actually, it's this Benefit pink face powder) when I'm sleep deprived and look a little like a dead person.
I used to wear mascara, but after Max was born I quit because I cried incessantly that first year of his life. I can't stand waterproof mascara; my lashes always fall out when I remove it and I don't have many lashes to spare.

The au naturale thing is genetic; my mom is the most spartan person ever. She'd never even had a manicure until she was seventysomething, when my sister got married. She's big on lipstick, however. Her first words to me whenever she sees me are, "You should put some lipstick on." I could show up at her house with leprosy and she'd say, "You should put some lipstick on."

Tonight, when I walked into the Mary Kay party, the ladies (and they were definitely ladies) were slathering on hand cream and they offered me some. "Call me weird, I don't like hand cream," I said, their first sign of what a Mary Kay wallflower they were dealing with.

I learned about the skincare stuff, which seemed creamy and nice and all but my skin is pretty low-maintenance. If I were inventing Mary Kay products, I'd create a skincare line called "Better Than..."—"Better Than Sleep," "Better Than a Tropical Vacation," "Better Than Being Gisele." Than I could make the big bucks and retire and get lots of sleep and I'd never again look like a zombie with pink face powder. But I kept my mouth shut because I wouldn't want to put my friend out of business. She's really sweet.

When she gushed about this one anti-wrinkle cream all the reps said they'd want if they were stuck on a desert island, I pointed out, "But nobody would be there to see their wrinkles!" at which point I am sure she was sorry she'd invited me. Then I tried on a really pretty lip gloss (which I ordered) and she put some eyeshadow on one of my eyes, so I could see the contrast between them, only I didn't. I've never understood the purpose of eyeshadow. Then I had to get home to relieve the babysitter and show her my eye.

I decided to quiz Dave when he came home to see if he might appreciate me in more makeup.

Me: "Guess what kind of makeup I wear!"
Dave: "Lipstick! That's it."
Me: "What color lipstick?"
Dave: "You wear pink."
Me: "Do you want me to wear more makeup or less?"
Dave: "Less."
Me: "So you want me to wear no makeup at all?"
Dave: "How about nail polish?"
Me: "What color?"
Dave: "French tip!"
Me: "You know what a French manicure is?"
Dave: "Of course I know! Isn't it like two colors?"
Me: "What colors?"
Dave: "It's peach and white. Am I right?"
Me: "Yes! How do you know that?
Dave: "I don't know. I just know."

I love him.

So, what makeup do you wear every day?


Photo/istock