A brother and sister like any other

This weekend, Sabrina and I were talking about a birthday party Max went to a month ago for a kid in his class; she is still sulking over the fact that she didn't get to go. Suddenly she said, "That boy is special, like Max."

Her understanding about Max is kicking in. She is getting that he isn't quite like other kids. We're trying to help her understand how he does fit in.

Sabrina: "Is Max older than me?"

Dave: "Yes."

Sabrina: "But Max doesn't talk!"

Dave: "Yes, he can talk! He just talks in his own way."

She's asking lots of questions. Her jealousy's also flaring up; she realizes Max gets more attention, and she wants to make sure she's getting her fair share. For one, she's still wearing his clothes.

Me: "Sabrina, why don't you want to wear dresses?"

Sabrina: "Because I want to look like Max."

She teases him. Sometimes, it's the sort of teasing siblings do ("MAAAA-AAAAX! I'M GOING TO A CAR WASH AND YOU'RE NOT!"). Sometimes, she imitates him. Like we're driving along and suddenly from the back seat we'll hear:

"UR-UL AX!" ("PURPLE MAX!")

And then Sabrina will say, "Guess who said that? Me or Max?"

Max cracks up. We try not to laugh, too (I mean, it is funny even though it's really not), and when we're able to speak calmly one of us will say, "Sabrina, please speak in your usual tone of voice, that's not nice."

Other times, Sabrina is supersweet to her big brother. She made the dolls below at camp; she asked for an extra one for Max. When we're walking around, she'll point out Sienna minivans (Max gets so excited). Tonight, I left the two of them sitting on my bed watching TV and went off to fold laundry. When I came back, Sabrina was sitting behind Max, hugging him.

So, basically, they treat each other like any other siblings. What's been hard lately is feeling like Max is missing out on stuff Sabrina's getting. A few weeks ago, I went to check out a summer camp that Sabrina might go to next year. It was the most adorable place, with every camp-y thing you could think of—an arts and crafts hut, tennis, a big lake. I happened to go on a day when there was a party, and all the kids were gathered in a big tent, dancing around. As I stood there watching I thought, I would love for Sabrina to come to this camp. And I ached for Max. He goes to school year round, which means camp isn't a possibility. I so wanted him to be one of those kids, dancing.

Sabrina took tennis lessons this summer. She's going to gymnastics in the fall. Max, no lessons yet. Last year I brought him to a karate school in our area that offers classes for kids with disabilities, but he refused to stay. I suspect it was because the outfits were white, not purple.

I'll try again this year. Max is plenty happy with his life, but I want to expose him to activities to enrich his mind...just like we do for Sabrina.