Yesterday, I went to a lunch sponsored by a local group for moms of kids with special needs. It was in a tea place, and we downed tuna wraps and did beading and hogged the pale-blue glass beads (OK, that was just me). I had no idea I had the capacity to sit still for a half hour and string beads together to make a bracelet but evidently, I do. That's my hand, second from right, and I was psyched about the photo angle because my wrist is so svelte. Even without an x-ray photo. It felt great, as always, to connect with moms who get what life is like when you're raising a kid with special needs.
The other mom group I belong to is Mothers and More, a national organization with local chapters. I go to a couple meetings a year but I am on the e-loop all the time, trading info with other moms on everything from new restaurants to plumbers who won't rip you off. It's an incredible resource, although when Max was little, I sometimes found it disconcerting. Once, there was this flurry of e-mails about baby yoga, and it made me painfully aware that I was dealing with a whole other kind of motherhood, one filled with therapists and major doctor appointments and major worry. Baby yoga? I just wanted Max to be able to move his limbs OK, period.
For years now, I've done a monthly Girls' Night Out with moms from the 'hood. We eat, drink, talk about the kids, dance on the tables, get stalked by paparazzi, you know. And then, of course, I have my bff's (hi Hedy! Hi Wendy! Hi Paola!) but they're not that nearby and it's rare to have alone time with them.
The mom group I am thinking of forming is Runaway Moms. We will meet on a Sunday night at the airport and run away to Tahiti. Then we can just Tweet our families and tell them that we are safe and tan.
You guys are, of course, my ultimate mom posse. I'm sure you feel the same about moms you've met in cyberspace. But which moms do you hang with when you're not glued to your computer?
And, wanna run away to Tahiti?
Oh Tonight I could use Haiti. Those groups sound amazing. I really think I need one of those
ReplyDeleteOk I so meant Tahiti.. but I would even be willing to go to Haiti if it mean a momcation and away from extended family VACA!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I just wrote about running away to Italy. My twins were born at 24 weeks, stayed in the hospital for five months and were then on oxygen at home for I year. I couldn't call the 13 year old next door to babysit.
ReplyDeleteWhen they were finally a little healthier, I was "willed" a babysitter one day week by a friend who no longer needed her. Such freedom! I started a book club that lasted for years!
Good for you!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a great time.
And good for you for getting out there and connecting!
So often we can forget how important it is to do that ;)
I have a 'running away money' bank account, for my little treats. When I have a few spare Euro I put it in there, its building up nicely but maybe not enough to go to Tahiti yet :) What would us Moms do without our friends?? Jen.
ReplyDeleteCount me in Ellen! To answer your query-I hang with Moms when we can pull it together. Which, sadly, is few and far between-but when we do....what a huge treat. I miss my girls and being able to take off and reenergize with them. I can only imagine how much more isolated Moms must have felt before the Internet-- altho maybe it would get my arse off the sofa more to go see more people in person. Ah, life.
ReplyDeleteOK, Ellen, you don't have to rub it in. There are other moms out there? Ones you can get together with? I think the boondocks are gettin' to me....The closest thing we have to that is an hour a way and it's a competition to see who's kid is worse and who can milk the system for more money and I want no part in that. So, I must live vicariously thru you, I guess! LOL! You can warp me to Tahiti, if you wanna!
ReplyDeleteEllen, just say the word..and I'm there.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra
Immediately!
ReplyDeleteJust let me pack a bag.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, YES! I wanna run away to Tahiti...or ANYWHERE!
ReplyDeleteThe mom I hang arond with most is my own dear mom. She's smart and sane and fun to be around. The moms at my kid's school are, most of them, too busy either trying to convert me or telling me I'm gonna burn in hell for not shoving the Bible down my kids' throats so I r-u-n from them--it's either that or get very rude (we're not "doing" this school next year, I'm totally sick of this crap -- we'll deal with the dreaded long bus ride, we'll take our chances in the public school and we will hope for the best). Half of them are not paragons in their own personal lives, but it doesn't stop them from bugging the crap out of me on a regular basis.
Tahiti sounds good right about now. ANYWHERE sounds good right now. Really!
Let's go! I don't regularly hang with any moms. Occasionally the BFF and I will sneak off without kids, but that is very rare. I used to do a book club when Noah was little, but even that's gone now.
ReplyDeleteYou know Ellen, I really don't belong anywhere and this has been a real thing for me lately. Resulting in tears and sobbing and, well, more tears.
ReplyDeleteWe are not *really* special needs and Mums who have children with Downs or with CP or CF for example treat me like I have no idea what it's like but we don't belong with mainstream kids either. Ivy can't do alot of the things that her peers can and while I can relate with the other children, when it comes to Ivy people really shy away from her. She (and as a consequence me) doesn't fit in.
I have some beautiful friends with kids, who accept Ivy and her quirks (and me with all of mine) but they never really get it fully.
As for your runaway club: count me in.
My passport is ready!!!
ReplyDeleteI still get those emails for "normy" kid stuff. At this point, I think the other moms would feel guilty NOT including me in those emails. But sometimes I give them more credit than is due. I often reply "I don't think this is a good fit for us, but thanks for thinking of me and my little bird." Then I curse them. Then I get a little teary.
I'm a million times grateful for each of the incredible mommies to ALL kids with special needs who have become my girls, my peeps. Funny how some of my best friends are in cyberspace....
I don't really know that many other moms. I think that business is a factor--we don't have a lot of time for playgroup type stuff. Also, no close friends currently have children, so that's a factor as well. Regular friends? Yes. But mommy-friends? They're all on teh computer.
ReplyDelete