Complaining's an underrated pleasure, isn't it? Join the fun! Note, I fully encourage the use of capitals, it's ever so much more satisfying. Here goes:
I JUST READ A PREDICTION THAT THE RECESSION WILL LAST TILL APRIL OF 2010—AND THAT'S THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO. CRAP.
INSURANCE COMPANY, NOT ONLY ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU WILL NO LONGER PAY FOR MAX'S THERAPY BILLS, BUT YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED BILLS THAT I SENT TO YOU (YOU KNOW, THE ONES THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO PAY). INSURANCE COMPANY, THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU AND WHEN YOU GET THERE AND BEG FOR A DRINK OF WATER YOU WILL BE TOLD, "SORRY, YOUR PLAN DOESN'T COVER THAT."
CHILDREN, WHY MUST YOU KEEP SLEEPING IN OUR BED? WHY DO I KEEP I LETTING YOU? WHY AM I SHOUTING AT MYSELF?
A POOL OF WATER KEEPS FORMING AT THE BOTTOM OF MY DISHWASHER WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN IN USE. MY PLAN IS TO KEEP PRETENDING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING, AS THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 459 THINGS I WOULD RATHER SPEND MONEY ON THAN DISHWASHER REPAIR.
CHEETOS, THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU, TOO.
That is all.
Photo by Gregory Pleau
Lisa and I are laughing right now...IT'S LATE AND WE SHOULD BE ASLEEP!
ReplyDeleteYou silly!!! LOL Thats OK... While I was teaching judo class tonight, I yelled at the kids because they where talking during warm ups... "WHY DO I HEAR VOICES... I SHOULD ONLY BE HEARING THE VOICE IN MY HEAD..." -The room went silent... I hope I didn't scare them too bad... :-)
ReplyDeleteTeenage boys!!!!!AHHHH I'm so inadequate!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh at the part about the insurance people in Hell asking for water. "Sorry, your plan doesn't cover that" - that's priceless!
ReplyDeleteMine this week is a certain receptionist at the hospital where Daniel gets therapy. The other receptionists are sweethearts. Everyone there is a sweetheart. Heck, even the elevator operator greets Daniel with a big hug every day. But this one receptionist acts like she hates us. She "loses" Daniel's schedule, and then calls us up to yell at us for appointments that she scheduled for him without telling us. Daniel will also look up at her with a big smile and say, "Hi, Miss L!" and she'll completely ignore him without so much as cracking a smile. I know she hears him, which really makes me mad. But maybe he knows darn well that he's killing her with kindness, and he just may get through to her one day.
Still, there have been times when I've wanted to just yell at her to stop being such a miserable old troll, but I guess that wouldn't be such a good example for Daniel. Oh well.
WHY ARE ALL THE NYC PUBLIC SCHOOLS/BOARD OF ED CLOSED THIS WEEK FOR PRESIDENT'S DAY WEEK WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET IT TOGETHER TO SEND AMELIA TO SCHOOL IN ONE WEEK AND I HAVE 10,000 QUESTIONS THAT NO ONE IS THERE TO ANSWER?
ReplyDeleteAND INSURANCE COMPANY THREATENING TO PULL MY NURSING ONCE SHE GOES TO SCHOOL BECAUSE WE'LL BARELY BE USING NURSING ANYMORE -- AND THEY CAN'T APPROVE SERVICES NOT BEING UTILIZED. SO IF AMELIA ENDS UP HOME SICK (MEDICALLY FRAGILE, PEOPLE -- IT WILL HAPPEN OFTEN)AND
HUSBAND OUT OF TOWN (WORKS OUT OF TOWN MOSTLY)I'M UP S*#T'S CREAK WITHOUT A PADDLE. NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FULL-OUT BATTLE!!! They told me they'd get back to me before the weekend to let me know if they've resolved anything...
Ha, ha, ha--what a great rant, Ellen! Here's mine;
ReplyDeleteWHY DOES THE PRICE OF CHEESE KEEP GOING UP EVERY TIME I GO TO THE MARKET? WHY? WHY? GAS PRICES WENT DOWN, WHY CAN'T FOOD PRICES DO THE SAME?
WHY CAN'T I FIND A GAS STATION THAT HAS FULL SERVICE ANYMORE? IT IS A CHALLENGE TO GET GAS WITH TWO CHILDREN WHO DON'T EVEN WANT YOU TO LEAVE THE VEHICLE WITHOUT THEM, EVEN IF THEY CAN SEE YOU OUT THE WINDOW!!!!!!
WHY DO DOCTORS TELL YOU THAT YOUR CHILDREN NEED A COURSE OF TREATMENT, AND THE INSURANCE COMPANY THEN TELLS YOU THEY CAN'T COVER IT?
Ellen, you should check your drain hose and make sure there's nothing stuck in it, and also look around to see if any food debris in the screens of the dishwasher! I used to have one that gave me trouble but it finally broke. We now have plastic dishes (when they get dropped, no problem) and I let the kids do the dishes and call it therapy!!! Yes, I have to do them over sometimes (almost all the time, actually), but it makes them feel like they are contributing to the household chores. I figure in a few years they might get good at it, too! And the water they splash all over the floor gives me a reason to keep the kitchen floor mopped!!!
Y'all might yell at me if you knew how much I laughed at this post and comments - really, it is just 'cause you tell it well, Ellen, et al.
ReplyDeleteI ESPECIALLY loved "Complaining's an underrated pleasure, isn't it?"
I think all those people will get their just desserts. You know the best revenge...
WHY, WHY, WHY MUST WINTER DRAG ON FOREVER!!?!??!? WHY? WHY? WHY?
ReplyDeleteHEY ELLEN :)short note: I had the same problem with my dishwasher with water pooling but I figured it out!! Do you a garbarator possibly attached to the sink nearest your dishwahser? If so, try making sure that you run it thouroughly before you start your dishwasher and/or that nothing is on top of the drain (plate, dishes etc,). This will cause the water to back into the dishwasher (as somehow there interconnected)..im not a plumber so I have no idea how to explain this properly..anyways hope this helps with the dishwasher prob. at least.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend! :)
Oh I hear you on the Insurance! They can rot in hell! Get this when Jude was born they changed us to a family plan because my "plan" doesn't have a newborn waiver. So Jude now get's a $1500 ded and $3500 out of pocket, AND me. So I am looking at $10,000 for 2008, and now we are going into 09. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
ReplyDeleteI can see that insurance companies are driving other people insane, too (understatement alert). Thanks for the unexpected dishwasher advice, Felicia and Christine! Maybe I'll try to poke around down there. When you ask Dave to fix anything, there's usually a six-month wait period. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!! I completely agree. My dishwasher is dripping, only when it's running (for now) but I fear it will be in the dishwasher grave yard far sooner than I want it to. Blah :(
ReplyDelete"I SHOULD ONLY BE HEARING THE VOICE IN MY HEAD."!lol
ReplyDeleteI like what you say about the insurance company. Made me smile.
ReplyDeleteRich, you cracked me up with that one! If only my students would get the irony...
ReplyDeleteWhy do some people feel the urge to have all the attention on them ALL THE FLIPFREAKIN TIME!?!?!? I had a GREAT evening Thursday and all I wanted to do was share it with my staff on Friday, it was a big deal!! But nooooooooooooooooooo, one of my staff was insanely jealous that no one was paying attention to her 6-day-old-news and made sure to make me feel über worthless and crud-monkey. Sure, I might be taking it too personally, but all the cold looks and flippiant comments were UNNECESSARY PEOPLE. UNNECESSARY.
*sighs* Ok, in comparison to all the insurance rants up here, mine is not as bad, but I hate feeling worthless!!!!
After a long week of daycare/work/therapy/commuting, you come home, fix dinner (or better yet, takeaway), take a bath with your kid, change the bed sheets - why _wouldn't_ you take your kid in bed with you? Finally some quality time together! This is what I do, anyway. But sure enough, around midnight, feeling his feet in my ribcage, I start regretting my decision... then starts the pushing, the pillow-hogging, the blanket-hogging and space hogging, turning me into a grumpy mom. And of course the kid wakes up at 06:30 when on weekdays he can easily sleep until 8. Argh. :o)
ReplyDeleteEllen, you are a riot! I just love these posts! Sorry, I missed the bandwagon yesterday. Allow me to explain:
ReplyDeleteWHAT THE HECK DID I DO TO DESERVE TO BE SICKER THAN A DOG ON MY BIRTHDAY, AGAIN(which was yesterday)? IT'S ONLY THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW THAT I'VE BEEN UTTERLY USELESS DUE TO ILLNESS! SOMEONE GOT SOMETHING AGAINST ME? THANKS FOR A LOUSY, I FEEL LIKE COMPLETE GARBAGE, B-DAY.
MY B-DAY PRESENT? A LETTER TO INFORM ME I HAVE TO BE PRESENT IN COURT NEXT MONTH CAUSE LOGAN'S DADDY WANTS TO LOWER HIS CHILD SUPPORT. I'M BEYOND PISSED OFF HERE. MY ASS IS CHAPPED AND I'M FIRED UP!
MY OTHER PRESENT? FOUND OUT THAT MY HUBBY WILL BE LOSING HIS JOB IN DECEMBER. THE BUSINESS IS CLOSING IT'S DOORS AND SHIPPIN TO MEXICO.
PLEASE, I NEED MORE WONDERFUL AND SUPERB PRESENTS LIKE THESE! BRING IT ON! THIS HASN'T QUITE BURRIED US 6 FEET UNDER AND WE NEED THAT LIL' BIT EXTRA TO SEAL THE DEAL! COMMON!
Life, ain't it grand? Birthdays can go SUCK A BIG ONE!
WHAT WAS I THINKING PUTTING MY ELDEST'S SCHOOL UNIFORM IN WITH THE RED SHEETS????
ReplyDeleteIs he going to believe me that pink school uniforms are all the rage?
LOL. Mine is Cheez-Its!
ReplyDelete