Type 1: The mom with a special-needs kid.
Type 2: The mom with a typically-developing kid who notices that you have a special-needs child and either acts normally and/or tries to get her child to engage with yours.
Type 3: The mom who notices that your child is a special-needs kid and when your child tries to interact with hers, she suddenly hovers nervously and/or whisks her precious little one away.
Does he look like a menace to society?
Mostly, I've met Type 2 moms but the other day I encountered a Type 3 at Borders. Max was running around the kids' book department; another little boy overheard me saying "Max, please come here!" and asked his mother "Who's Max?" When Max came over I told him "Go on, say hello" and he parked himself in front of this child and said "Hi!" Which is awesome, we love when Max articulates a "hi" to anyone. The little boy said "Hello" back, and then Max just stood there and smiled, and drooled a bit, and reached over and patted him on the head. That is when it dawned on the mother that Max is a special-needs kid, at which point she said "OK, Sam! Let's keep looking at books!" and sort of hustled him away. You know, I'd understand if Max had hit this kid or shoved him; I would pull Max or Sabrina away from any kid that did that. Except Max didn't. He was just being friendly.
This sort of thing used to make feel bad. But now I think "Too bad her kid is missing out on meeting Max." And "Too bad her kid's not going to grow up understanding that there are all kinds of people in this world." And, "Dumb-ass."
I get a lot stronger than "dumb-ass" in my own head.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. I too typically come across #2 -- just yesterday at the dr's office I happened to encounter both #2 and #3...the #2 held the door open and actually ran back out in to the parking lot because I forgot to close my van door. She said hi to Jack and it was just a normal encounter as though I was "just a mom" with my hands full. Another mom in the waiting area actually moved her seat when we sat near her. Jack wanted to play with the "CATS" (plastic dinosaurs, yet he insists on calling them cats, lmao!!) and she moved her kid to another set of toys. UGH. DUMB ASS is right! I am sorry you had a #3 encounter -- here's to many more #2's!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am chuckling here...and too bad for them! And I agree with Sarah...Dumb ass just doesn't cut it!
ReplyDeleteI do have to say however that before having Jonathan I looked at the disabled differently. Not that I faulted them in any way, I just never understood the fact that a person really cannot help their disabilities, that there is no changing it. They were born that way. Innocent and helpless like every other baby. No one chooses to have a disability. And it took a doctor telling me my child was never going to walk and talk to truly understand that. And I don't think that anyone can ever fully grasp that concept unless they have experienced it.
Jonathan doesn't really have any outward signs of his stroke, but I have had mothers shoo their kids away from him and it makes me irate. You have great composure...I am not sure I could!
Oh my gosh, I love this post! Not because of the evil demonic mother who created the situation for you to write this post, but your response to the evil demonic mother.
ReplyDeleteIt made me giggle. :)
Great post! Most often I also come across mother #2 but occasionally there is the one who just doesn't get it. It's hard not to let the "dumb-ass" get to you... definitely something I need to work on.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had you patience (or tolerance?) for people like that. Mostly I've encountered #2. My boyfriend did have someone ask him What's WRONG with him and he dealt with that well. (I'm sure he meant, what's his diagnosis)
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure how I'd react. I'm so protective of LilB but I hope I'll have as much composure
I would venture to say that there are two kinds of people in this world: assholes and not assholes. The disability test is just one way to find out which one a person is.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that I understood the intracacies of disability before Charlie was born, but I certainly never viewed the disabled as dangerous or menacing.
I'd like to add a FOURTH type.
ReplyDeleteThat's the mum who feels that it's so sad that your poor, poor child has a disability. They overcompensate and speak to them like they are a baby and speak to you the same way. They constantly say 'I don't know how you do it' OR 'Oh, the poor thing'. I don't know why, but these mums bug me MUCH more than the mums who are scared of disabilities.
Yeah, sometimes I think of worse words than "dumb-ass." :) And Dianne, I KNOW those types of moms too! They also bug me, but personally, it's the moms who are scared of Max who I find the most offensive. And, Miss Burg, trust me, I am no saint, sometimes I shoot these moms looks to kill. Once, I even said something to a mom like, "YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT CONTAGIOUS!!!"
ReplyDeleteI was thinking dumb ass too. It's pretty sad how closed minded some people can be.
ReplyDeleteI love that picture of Max! He's just way too cute. His smile is to die for, too! :)
ReplyDeleteEllen, I am just catching myself wanting to read about Max all day! Although, having Eric around makes it rough, I am sure you know! I read this one...love it! I swear you are in my head! You opened up my eyes that its a bummer that child in the bookstore wasn't able to know Max...and that he will never learn that special needs kids are great! I am going to remember that when I meet another Parent #3! =) Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteI agree about Type 4 being added on...although I have to say, I've found a few sub-types of special-needs moms, too, and not always for the better -- and THEY are often the ones that get the reaction furthest past "dumb ass"!!
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