This Is How I Do It: Louise Kinross of BLOOM

Here's another guest post in the This Is How I Do It series, which features bloggers who have kids and teens with special needs. They're sharing their strategies for bringing out the best in their kids—and themselves. 

Blogger: Louise Kinross of BLOOM

Her kids: Ben, 18, (right) who has Langer Giedion Syndrome (bone disorder; dwarfism; hearing loss; intellectual disability; uses sign language; still manages to love life) and Kenold, 14.

My three biggest secrets to sanity are... 

Yikes. I wish I could think of one! Okay, I guess regular cardio exercise. Occasionally going away on a business trip by myself. Walking on Cherry beach at Lake Ontario in every season.

I keep track of my child’s therapy and medical appointments by…

I’m lucky that at this stage Ben doesn’t have the multiple appointments he used to have. I use my Outlook calendar and a calendar in our kitchen. I try not to rely on the files in my brain because they’re rapidly depleting. I’ve had too many situations where I’m sitting in the car, look at the clock, realize it’s 3:30, and at that second my mind pulls the file that says: “We have a physio appointment—at 3:30!”

One way I relax (actually really, really relax) is…

Go see a live band and dance and cheer and scream until I’m hoarse. I just did this for the first time in years and I highly recommend it!

When I get bummed out about something related to my child, one thing that gives me a lift is…

Knowing that in the end love is all that matters; spending fun time with Ben with no expectations; reminding myself that I can't imagine life without my son; being gentle with myself (okay, that’s four things!).

The way my husband and I split up responsibilities for caring for our child is...

In the early days I was at home so I managed most of the therapies, appointments and advocacy related to Ben. When I went back to work my husband began doing many of the appointments. Over the years he’s branched into other roles too, like filling out paperwork to apply for a wish or to get funding.

The way I deal if strangers stare at my kid or say things is…

HHHMMM. In the early days I was hyper-sensitive to how people reacted to Ben. Over the years I lost that radar: I stopped looking to see whether they were – or weren't – looking at him or responding negatively. I have always believed that it helps to educate – so I try to explain Ben in a way that puts people at ease. That said, there are days when I’m in no mood to educate, so I cut myself some slack. There was one funny time when I took Ben to pick up his sister at school. We were standing outside, and there was a group of teens staring at Ben and whispering. They didn’t respond to my “evil eye” so I barked: “Do you have any questions? Because if you have any questions, I can answer them!” That shut them up really quick. But that’s not my best response.

One great therapy technique I recently learned for my child from his therapist that I like doing with him is…

We did too much therapy when Ben was young. I think the best therapy is being with your child and doing activities that bring your child joy and enable your child to feel successful.

One great site I’ve found lots of good ideas on is...

I follow lots of special-needs parenting blogs and blogs that track disability stories in the news (Media Dis and Dat is one). I read The New York Times Sunday Book Review and surf Amazon to find memoirs or fiction books that relate to disability. I use Google alerts for stories with the keywords “disabled children” and “disability research.” I keep up to date on journal studies by following Eureka Alert. Some sites where I go for inspiration are: Positive Exposure and Andrew Solomon’s Far From The Tree. I find Pema Chodron’s books valuable—as well as mindfulness meditation (I don’t have time to do these things, but when I do, they’re really useful).

I rock because…

I choose to rock. It’s a choice!