The other week, I went out with a group of moms. All of us have kids with special needs. A woman who reads this blog, Beth, had organized the night and invited me (hi, Beth!). I hadn't done anything like that since Max was a baby and Dave and I attended a support group at a place where Max got therapy. I found it depressing; I found everything depressing back then. Dave found it boring. We never went back.
My special girls' night out was anything but blah. Over pizza and pasta the ten of us laughed, griped, exchanged information on everything from apps to therapy, griped and laughed lots more. It was an exhilarating, rejuvenating, reaffirming, everything-ing evening. The next one's in a few weeks, and I am psyched.
I've found such incredible group therapy online that I've never reconsidered how amazing the real-life kind can be. It is. Whatever you get from blogs and websites can't compare to the bonding you do when you're face to face with other moms of kids with special needs. It just can't.
So here's what I'm asking: Tomorrow, instead of reading this blog, pick up the phone and start planning a get-together with special needs moms you know (unless you read this blog at 5 in the morning, in which case, wait to call). Or send an email. If you don't know moms in your area, ask one of your child's therapists to play matchmaker. Or hook up with some parents in your child's class. I am telling you, it will be worth the effort. Any of you moms who already do this and love it, chime in!
Word, I'll know if people visit this blog tomorrow instead of making that call or sending that email because I have a traffic meter! Other than random Google hits for things like "purple" and "car wash costume," I am not expecting any of you here.
Go. Hang with other special needs parents. Please.
Support is so important. I'm glad you found a real-life group.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter goes to therapy at the local Children's hospital two times a week. We are there for 2 hours. I have started to spend that time with the other moms and cannot begin to tell you what a blessing it has been! We all need support. We need to be around people who "get it". I think it helps us to be better moms.
ReplyDeleteI'm still looking for my "in person" group. I have an awesome group of online moms...and we DO get together sometimes, schedules and geogrpahy permitting. :-)
ReplyDeleteI started a group in our area and called it Moms in Common of WV. The moms have a once a month luncheon. Then some schedule playgroups, Moms night out and we are working on a picnic right now. It is amazing the friendships that have been formed.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! I am off to find my group today :) Hugs, wish I was closer to you. It would be cool to be in the same support group!
ReplyDeleteWe have a great group of mums here, all of whom have a child with autism. We meet regularly and I have to say that even if we didn't have autism in common, I'd still want to be their friends. It's so good to have friends who "get it"
ReplyDeleteWent to my support group earlier this week (and blogged about it). It's not just an autism group, either; somehow with all the different special needs issues, we relate well. Getting out to anywhere but a meeting, though, can be really hard.
ReplyDeleteTrue! It doesn't happen enough. I am a single mom and it is hard. I'm going out tonight! I made a real effort, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm going on vacation tomorrow, so I probably won't make that call, but I agree with you wholeheartedly. Seeing people in person is a lifesaver. Walking into a room full of people who GET IT? So important.
ReplyDeleteI've been working to get a group from my school together for a monthly special education support meeting. That's one way to go.
I could not agree more! I meet once a month with a group of moms who have children with all kinds of special needs and it is what keeps me afloat! I don't miss it unless there's a major catastrophe. It's my favorite day of the whole month! There is nothing in the world like hanging out with moms who just "get it". The combined "mama-wisdom" is astounding. I can't tell you how many times I've called my mom's group before I even call the therapist/doctor! The WWW is fun but nothing beats real-life.
ReplyDeleteIt is true, other moms (or dads) that know what you are going through are the best. My son takes a special needs dance class during the school year and I looked forward to it every week because it was 1 hour when I just got to sit and chat. I don't do that any other time because of work, kids and the difficulty (and expense)of finding a sitter who can manage Sam's behaviors.
ReplyDeleteThis is so important! I found my group from another blogger, too. It's a bunch of local moms with kids with autism. I'm one of the youngest (most of the moms have high school kids & my so is 2.5), but it's so nice to have the been there/done that perspective. We get together once a month for dinner or dancing and it usually lasts at least 5 hours, haha. Best night of the month!
ReplyDeleteman what will I do being a person with a disability :( I will find something
ReplyDeleteoh and the abilities abc post is up come visit me
Great reminder that support is important. Glad you have found it online and in real life. I've found it a little online. I have mostly given up trying for real life...
ReplyDeleteI just found a group last month. The group is composed of all moms who have children with CP. There is even another mom in the group who has twins like me. We go for dinner once a month and it is awesome! I highly recommend it. I found the group through my local Twin & Triplet club. I did find out thought that the group also has their contact information listed with a social worker at the rehabilitation hospital my boys attend.
ReplyDeletewe have a very unofficial group...all moms i met (er, stalked) through the blogging world. we like to eat and drink, and let our significant others handle bed time at least once a month. it's the healthiest thing i do :)
ReplyDeleteJust went to my child's syndrome's national conference, and since it's a rare syndrome, we actually get to know each other over the years! It is almost like coming to a family reunion. Also have a church special needs moms group and a school district group that formed several years ago while we were all in early intervention services. Sometimes you have to make it happen, even if it initially requires some energy that we are all running low on - the payoff is tremendous.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE getting together with my group of SN moms in person - we get together monthly - it's awesome. We can complain and no one looks at us with pity, just empathy, because we're all there. We share tips and equipment and it rocks. It's uplifting and empowering, and everyone also has other "causes" we all work on together. It's a pretty powerful group!
ReplyDeleteI still haven't found a group of moms with special needs kids with which I click (I blogged about it a while back) so...maybe someone will see this and will call me? ;)
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